Bear with me because I am having an extremely sappy moment. I don’t know if it is because I am sitting at my favorite spot in Martha’s Vineyard overlooking the ocean and hanging out with my family on vacation, or perhaps seeing my picture and my blog featured in the September Issue of Essence magazine, or the new beginnings of something that could be special (as you all know, I do not write about men I am currently interested in), but I am feeling really good! So bear with me as I take break from my usual dating foolery and reflect on the happiness I am experiencing. Some of you may or may not have known, I turned 37 last Wednesday, I can’t believe it because in my own mind I feel like I am stuck at 27. At least that’s what I like to think when I look at myself in the mirror. But 37 kinda crept up on me. If you are a loyal follower to my blog, you will remember last year for my bday I was feeling a little down and out. (refer to: http://confessionsofaserialdaterinla.com/2013/08/the-four-year-itch/). To be honest, last year I was frustrated with life in general, I was thinking about all of the things I thought I would have by 36 and all the things I wanted and it took 15 year old girls (ironically on Martha’s Vineyard) to make me realize what a great life I had. However, thankfully at 37 my mind is in such a different place. I am learning to appreciate where I am in life and enjoy each moment instead of reflecting on the past and worrying about what will become of my future.
While making a run to Bed, Bath, and Beyond, I noticed the prettiest butterfly landing on a leaf. Anyone who knows me, is fully aware I don’t fuck with bugs! I do not find them cute, I do not find them interesting, I find them annoying as all hell! But this particular day the beauty of the butterfly caught me off guard and i started to get why people are fascinated by these moths… Hey don’t be mad at me, a butterfly is essentially a moth! A few days later, I was rushing to work and as I was turning the key to lock my door, I noticed another butterfly landing on the flowers in front of my spot. In the midst of my rushing I took a second to look at it. This butterfly had the prettiest pattern on it’s wings. And there was such gracefulness to the flutter of the wings. And went about my day. I noticed that I was learning to take moments to stop and look at things I had never payed attention to before. I wasn’t sure if we always had these butterflies flying around and I was noticing it, or if there was a sudden increase in butterflies around LA. But I was noticing them and was fascinated by them.
For my birthday I decided to have a party to celebrate my birthday. Every year I do a toast. It’s my Thang! This year as I blew out my birthday candles and made a wish. I looked around the room and felt the love around me. I had friends from all walks of life. Some were new some were old. But each of them have made a difference in my life. And I could finally say after a six year journey I was finally really and truly happy. I had finally healed from the marriage, the divorce, the hurt and the pain of it all. And it wasn’t my “Fake it, till you make it happiness.” It was the real deal! I had finally gotten to a place in my life where I was experiencing true contentment and realizing how blessed I am.
Then I thought about the journey of the butterfly. Essentially they start off as caterpillar and spend most of their time in search of food. And they go through a series of stages in which the tough outer layer is released and new cuticles expands and then they develop their wing patterns and turn into a butterfly. (now I am really paraphrasing here… after all I am not a damn expert, but you get the drift). But I realized how I spent years of my life in search of something to fulfill me and make me feel whole. In search of something to make me happy, and feel free. And finally at the age of 37 I realized what I was searching for was always within me, but I had to go through the various stages to get to where I wanted to be. And it was within me the whole time. But in order to get my wings I had to go through the process.
There were times when I would be mad at myself and wonder, When will I truly be happy again? Why am I not over this? What is taking so long? There were times when the loneliness I felt was palpable. There were times when I would feel like it wasn’t fair. I had mapped out the life I thought I was supposed to have. According to my plans, I was supposed to still be married and have my 2.5 kids. You know that saying, The best way to make God laugh is to tell him YOUR plans. Now that my wings were fully formed and i was flying high. I was so thankful that MY plan ultimately was NOT fulfilled. And even crazier, I was so happy I went through what I went through. I now appreciated the journey I had to take . And I was also thankful I allowed myself to go through process and take the necessary time to heal so I could have fully formed wings to fly high through the pink skies…
In life you have to go through the process in order to heal and in order to grow so you can fly. We do not get to dictate how long that process will take. But one day you will wake up and start noticing things you never noticed before. You’ll notice the beauty of each sunset, the various colors of pinks and lavenders. You will wake up and notice butterflies flying around you and the beauty of them. You will realize the journey they had to take in order to get their wings and their beauty. And you will also notice they are marked and to me those markings tell a story that make them even more beautiful. and suddenly you realize you are living in the moment. And a butterfly isn’t just something you look at as an insect or a moth. Instead they become the fabric of a story. And you know they were once caterpillar searching for food so they could gain their wings. And they couldn’t skip that part of the process. And then step by step, moment by moment they become a beautiful butterfly flying high, pretty, and effortless.
Do not worry… I am not becoming an airy fairy blogger. But every once in a while, it’s good to relish in happiness.
Hello My Loyal Readers! I have good news and bad news….
I kicked off my birthday week with a great party (my birthday is Wednesday). The wine was over flowing, the food was abundant, the guest list was spectacular. The wine was flowing… the wine was flowing…
I am slightly hungover and cannot write an intelligent response to today’s #MondayMemos. Did I mention the wine was flowing…
I will be back with #MondayMemos next Monday with a great topic!
P.S.- Did I mention… the wine was flowing…
LOL! Make it a great week!
Love is in the air! One of my close girlfriend’s got married 2 weeks ago. Yes, we lost another member of the Single Girls Club. But we lost her to an amazing man. Seeing the two of them together makes me know if it possible not to settle. You can and will meet your soul mate if you are willing to be patient and wait for the right man and if you keep the faith that it will actually happen. You know the best way to make God laugh… tell him YOUR plans! Wow… I’m digressing already. It’s just so refreshing to be around two people who genuinely love each other. When the couple said their vows to each other (they wrote their own) I do not think there was a dry eye in the vineyard. And speaking o the Vineyard, the location was magical. The key to a great wedding outside of the couple, venue, food, open bar (a must), and the guest list is the music. If all of those elements are in place the wedding is destined to be a memorable event. And this wedding was nothing short of just that, a great celebration.
But there is a point at every wedding that makes me have a slight anxiety attack… The bouquet toss. When I was 12 years old, my uncle got married. And me being young and competitive even at that age, decided to go out in the middle of the floor with the rest of the single ladies for the bouquet toss. Yes, my 12 year old ass was out on the floor waiting to catch the bouquet. And low and behold, to the dismay of the older single ladies who were out on the floor, I caught it! I did a victory dance and celebrated my victory. I was going to be the next person to get married! Did I mention I was only 12?!
I didn’t notice the rolling of eyes and disdain on the other single women until a manicured finger tapped my shoulder. I turned around and it was my Aunt. My aunt was a true diva! As a matter of fact, this was the aunt who inspired me to move to LA when I was just young. She worked in the entertainment industry and had many stories to tell about the stars back in that day. She owned every piece of Louis Vuitton luggage you could imagine and she had presence. AND she always had a mouth on her. You haven’t been cussed out until you get cussed out by my Auntie! And she will do it with class. Just to give you an idea of her personality, back in the day, when we went to pick her up from the airport (pre 9/11 days when you could greet people at the actually gate). She walked off the plane in a fur coat with her Louis Vuitton luggage in tow. And she overheard a French woman speaking to her friend in French about her disapproval of her wearing a fur coat. Little did that woman know my Aunt spoke French fluently, my aunt walked over to her and Read her in French. I still remember to this day, they woman’s jaw dropping. It was a scene straight out of a Jackie Collins novel. Anyway, I say all that to make a point. My auntie did not have a filter and said whatever was on her mind. Even to a little 12 year old! When she tapped me on my shoulder, I turned around to see her annoyed face, I knew I was about to get in trouble for something.
Auntie: Give me back that bouquet!
Auntie: You are only 12 years old! The bouquet toss is for the single woman. You are fucking up a sacred tradition!
I knew better than to argue with grown folks. So I reluctantly handed over the bouquet. My aunt marched over to the DJ and had them do it again and I sat my twelve year old ass on the side lines and watched grown woman tackle each other in their Sunday best and fight until someone came up victorious with the bouquet. Later that evening, my Uncle’s wife gave me her bouquet and I got my picture holding it.
So… what is the point of me rambling on and on about this bouquet? Well, the point is, from that moment on; I understood the sacredness of the bouquet toss. Single women lived for it. BD (before divorce) I was one of the single hopeful women that would march onto the dance floor in hopes that I would catch the bouquet and have the good luck to know I would get married next. Even once I was engaged and married I enjoyed watching the single ladies go up for this tradition. It’s always touched my heart.
However, you know life. You know how various life events draw a line in the sand and you’re officially changed. Your life is divided into two parts “before the shit happened” and “After the shit happened.” And it didn’t necessarily have to be a bad thing. It’s just life… happens.
AD (after divorce), I haven’t gone up for the bouquet toss. I revert back to that twelve year old little girl who understood the importance of women who had never been married having their moment of hope. That moment was sacred. So I sit in my chair and watch from the sidelines. And the inevitable happens. I get the looks from well meaning friends with the look of:
Why aren’t you going up there?
And I know it comes from a place of concern. They want to make sure I am okay. My anxiety doesn’t come from being sad about it, but it comes from knowing that I am going to have a minute of having to explain to someone why I am not going up to participate. And I don’t want to explain at a WEDDING that since my DIVORCE I no longer thought it was fair of me to go up for the toss. I had already experienced being a bride. In all actuality I was not single; I would never be single again. I am a divorcee. And please, Don’t cry for me Argentina. I am okay with that. I wear this badge with honor. I am thankful for the person I have become AD. And I know one day I will experience walking down the aisle again. I am also fully aware this is one of my own quirks. But for now, when you see me or any other woman who is divorced sitting on the sidelines during the bouquet toss portion of the wedding reception, don’t look at us with pity, don’t think we are having a sad moment. We are all good. But sometimes we divorcées like to give our single sistas their moment. Been there, done that… can write the book! LOL!
It’s that time again… #Mondaymemos. I have to put out my usual disclaimer. I AM NOT a dating expert. I can only give advice based on my own experiences with dating. So feel free to take the advice or if you completely disagree you can tell me to have several seats! LOL!
Subject my girls were talking about… dating a guy with a vasectomy 46 2 divorces 3 kids but makes over 200k wants a life partner 5″6 and wants to travel the world with her really nice guy that jumps into relationships too soon would you date him for the fun and experience…
There are so many twists and turns to this topic/question. So I am going to dissect it piece by piece and then draw my full conclusion.
Dating a guy with a vasectomy.
In recent years I have made it a point to ask a man from the very beginning of a relationship how he feels about having children. Especially when it is a man who is of a certain age who already has children. I NEVER ever thought that this would ever be something I had to think about when dating a man until I dated two not one but TWO men who were of a certain age and had children who were grown and they didn’t want more kids. I understand their position completely. However, it is MY belief when a man dates a woman of a certain age who does NOT have kids and wants to have them eventually, it is very selfish of a man to enter into a relationship and deny her of that gift. It’s one thing if the woman does not want children of her own and trust and believe there are plenty of women out there who do not want to have children or for whatever reason cannot have children. So that is a moot point. But if you are a woman who wants to have children one day and a man enters a relationship with you who is not willing to make that happen (if you are entering into a serious long term committed relationship) I would keep it moving. There are plenty of men out there who are willing and able to give you children and it is down right selfish for a man to deny you of that if that is something you want. Don’t be afaid to have the conversation.
46, 2 divorces, 3 kids but makes over $200K
The fact that he makes over $200K says to me that he can at least take care of his children. There’s nothing worse than a man who has children and does not take care of them. That is just downright trifling and shows he has a major character flaw. Also, I am assuming his 3 kids were from his marriages. I have no issue with a man having children but if he has 3 children from 3 different baby mommas and was never married… I’m looking at him with side eyes. To me that shows lack of commitment, and apparently a shortage of condoms. The fact that he has 2 divorces could be a little bit of a turn off, but again, shit happens in life. I never thought I would have been divorced so I have learned to never say never or judge someone else’s marital woes. There are two sides to every story. For all you know, his first marriage could have been when he was in his early 20′s and didn’t know any better, and his second marriage could have just been to the wrong person. At least he doesn’t have a fear of commitment. And you never know… the 3rd time could be the charm. But I would definitely get to the bottom of the multiple marriages and find out what the Tea is. Why did the marriages not last, what did he learn from it, what would he do differently, what is his expectation out of the relationship, etc. Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.
So he is a little man! LOL! Make sure he doesn’t have a Napoleon complex. I’m 5’8 without heels and typically wear heels so I stand at close to 6′ so I wouldn’t date a man that short. Nor do I have experience in dating a man that short. But I do find it funny that was part of the description.
Wants a life partner…Wants to travel the world with her…really nice guy that jumps into relationships too soon
What does that mean? Is that all he wants? Just a travel buddy who will travel the world, have sex with him, and then what? Life partner? Does that mean because he has been married before he doesn’t want to get married again and instead would just want a life partner not another wife? I am sure he is a nice guy, but what is he looking for? Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.
Would you date him for the fun and experience?
To sum this up, the answer to this question is twofold. If you are a women, who already has kids, doesn’t want to have any, and really isn’t interested in marriage. This man is an ideal candidate! You two can travel the world together and make a nice life for yourself. However, if you are a women who wants to have children or eventually wants marriage I would probably say keep it moving no matter how nice the guy is. Sometimes we as women get into relationships thinking we can change a man’s decision. What do I always say? When a man tells you who he is, what he wants, and what he doesn’t want believe him! The last thing you want to do is fall in love with a man who doesn’t want the same things as you do. It doesn’t make either one of you wrong or right, it just means you should reevaluate getting into a relationship if neither person is getting what they want out of it.
In short, my advice is don’t be afraid to have that uncomfortable conversation to make sure you are on the same page. It’s better to have it upfront before your are emotionally invested than to attempt to have it once feelings are involved. The theme for today’s #Mondaymemos is don’t be afraid to have the conversation.
Make it a great week ladies!!!!
I know it’s past the morning hours and this is was orginally called Monday Morning Memos. So I have revised the name to Monday Memos. It’s less pressure on me to get the post out in the morning. You know I am not a morning person by nature! LOL! But hey… better late than never.
And remember my disclaimer… I am not a dating expert. It’s the blind leading the blind. I can only give advice based on my own personal experiences and feelings. Enjoy!
Do you have any experience with secretive men? This seems to be a common type I come across. With some of them, they end up being complete cons (like leading a double life) but the one I’m seeing now is secretive, although he may not intend to be and probably isn’t hiding anything.
As a woman if you have dated long enough you will come across a secretive man. This is NEVER a good thing. I always found it interesting when I meet women who are dating a man who has said the following statement to them…
I’m not looking for anything serious. I just want to see where things go. I am not looking for a relationship.
If you are looking for the same thing then that’s fine. However, if you are looking for something serious and a man makes that statement RUN RUN RUN for the hills. Because he has told you who he is. And no matter what, you will catch feelings and eventually be disappointed when he isn’t giving you what you want out of the relationship. And inevitability you will end up having that uncomfortable conversation.
Woman: Where are we going? We have been together for (XXX amount of time) and I feel like this relationship isn’t going anywhere.
Secretive Man: I told you from the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything serious. I just want to see where things go.
And before you know it, you wake up and realize you have given this man 5+ years of your life and have no commitment from him because you didn’t listen to what he said from the beginning of the “relationship.” This is a true story. A woman I know was with a man who was secretive and made that statement and she wasted her GOOD years on a fool! I know some of you are wondering what the hell that has to do with the topic on hand! A LOT!
My point is when a man tells you who he is… BELIEVE him! Sometimes a mans actions speak even louder than his words. If you are dating a man for some time and you haven’t met his friends or family. You are more than likely the jump off or there is someone else that is hanging with the friends and meeting the family and that person is NOT YOU! The fact that you are even questioning it is your Inner Loving Diva trying to tell you that shit ain’t right! I do not know if women stick around with men like this because they think they are going to change or they feel like there is a shortage of men and you have to just date anyone that gives you the time of day… but that isn’t the case. NO amount of great sex, great cooking, and great conversation is going to change that man. If he doesn’t see you as someone he wants around his family and friends… He is not the one for you. Notice I didn’t say He’s Just Not That Into You. I hate that damn book! Because it implies that it’s something the woman has done that makes the man not be into you. And that’s not the case. A man not wanting to be with doesn’t have shit to do with who you are or your worth as a woman. Any way… I digressed.
So what do you do if you failed to listen to your Inner Loving Diva and you have now caught feelings for a “secretive” guy? Have an honest conversation. Face to face, not through text, and definitely not over the phone. Give him the opportunity to explain what’s going. Look him in the eye and get the answers you need. Not what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to make a wise decision. Before you have the conversation, you have to be willing and able to walk away if the explanation is not honoring who you are.
However, my dear, I have a sneaking suspicion you already know the Tea on this man! The time you are wasting on the “Secretive” man could be taking away from you dating the MOST important person in your life… YOURSELF! By dating Yourself and not being afraid to be alone you realize your self worth and never allow yourself to be in a situation where you are with a man who is not honoring who you are and shouting from rooftops, That’s my baby!!!
To answer your question… No, I do not have experience with dating “Secretive” men because when my Inner Loving Diva tells me something ain’t right, I keep it moving. It doesn’t mean I haven’t made other dating mistakes or fell for some other BS. As you will see in the conclusion of I Fell Off The Wagon (post coming later this week). I almost fell for the okie-doke! But when your intuition is telling you something follow it! You know this man isn’t right and you also know feeling like you are someone’s secret lover is not what you want. So do NOT push down the feeling. And keep it moving!
I’m switching things up! As you all know, I went through 2 1/2 weeks of serious Writer’s Block. I mean serious serious serious writer’s block! During that time I asked my readers and followers to send me some topics of discussion. And I am grateful that I got some great topics and questions. Now let me first say this…. And I know I say it all the time… But I feel the need to reiterate it. I am not a dating expert. I am in no way pretending to be a dating expert and have all the answers. It’s the blind leading the fucking blind around here! LOL! All I can do is tell you my opinion and my experiences and what I’ve learned from them. From there it is up to you to decipher what perils of wisdom work for you and which ones you can tell me to have several seats on. So moving forward, each Monday, I am introducing Monday Morning Memos. I will take the time out to answer a topic or a dating/relationship question and give my opinions. With that here is the Inaugural Monday Morning Memo post! Enjoy!
Following your gut in dating/a relationship. If we could all learn to do this better, maybe we’d avoid a lot of heartbreak. How do you tune into your gut? How do you know what it is saying vs. your mind or your heart?
I refer to my gut as my Inner Loving Diva. Because that’s exactly what your gut is. It is that inner voice that guides you and let’s you know when something isn’t right. It’s a strong force that penetrates through your being and tells you that something is or isn’t right. However, I didn’t learn to truly listen to my Inner Loving Diva until after my marriage fell apart. Ironically that guiding force was with me the entire relationship. Screaming that it wasn’t the right relationship and NOT to get married. But I pushed it down. I reasoned with myself. Even when you aren’t following your gut the universe will give you signs. BIG signs to run and reevaluate. The difference between knowing it is your Inner Loving Diva vs. your mind or heart is it will keep coming up in phases. I call this phase 1 The Whispers.
Phase 1- The Whispers
This is when something isn’t feeling right. You feel it in your spirit. But you reason with yourself or push it down and tell yourself the following things…
- It’s all in my head, I’m making shit up…
- I’m being selfish…
- I’m being childish…
- Maybe it’s not as bad as I thought…
- I’m expecting too much…
- I’m being ridiculous…
Those thoughts are what i refer to as the whispers. Your antenna is up. The second that antenna goes up its your Inner Loving Diva letting you know it’s time to take a pause and reflect. It doesn’t mean you leave the relationship. It doesn’t mean your with the wrong person. But you do not ignore those feelings. You investigate it with time. There is something that is causing you to feel that way. It might be valid and it might be bullshit. But your Inner Loving Diva is telling you to reflect and not push down the feeling.
Phase 2- The Nudge
The next phase is what I call The Nudge. This happens two different ways. It happens when you are either pushing down the Whispers or you stop and reflect.
Either way the universe will let you know shit ain’t right or will lead you to the truth. Your Inner Loving Diva will try to warn you, will try to Nudge you. There were so many warnings prior to my engagement and wedding that was my Inner Loving Diva’s way of nudging me that I was about to make a mistake if I went through the wedding. Blatant signs! Tangible evidence! Those were red flags that are screaming out:
STOP!!! DON’T DO THIS!!! YOU’RE ABOUT TO MAKE A MISTAKE!!!
I had this happen a week before I got married. The nudging that I was about to make a mistake. If you are a loyal reader to my blog you know I do not go into details about my marriage. There are some things that are not meant to be shared with the world. But trust me when I say, you know when the nudge occurs. And it can be multiple different nudges. And if you still decide to ignore your Inner Loving Diva. That’s when Phase 3 comes.
Phase 3- The Shake-Up
Once you have pushed down the signs and ignored The Nudge. That’s when the shake up happens. That’s when the inciting indecent occurs. The incident/ occurrence that shakes you to your core. It knocks you to your knees. You are no longer able to push down the voice of your Inner Loving Diva or ignore the nudges because you are faced with what you were most terrified of… THE TRUTH. And when the shake up happen it forever changes you life and your perspective. Its actually a blessing. The Shake Up forces you to listen to you Inner Loving Diva. It’s the “Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda” moment. It’s the “What was I thinking” moment. It’s the moment when you reflect back to the initial Whisper and realize the force within you is strong and will protect you.
As you learn to listen to you Inner Voice aka your gut you won’t have to experience the shake up. You learn to know the difference between your heart/mind vs. your Inner Loving Diva. As you become more in tune with your gut, it becomes easier to decipher the difference and you learn to stop and listen. Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is take a moment to stop, be still, be silent, and listen. Your gut tells you everything you need to know. And the day we decide to follow it and listen to it. Is the day when you grow and you don’t have to go to Phase 3 The Shake Up. It doesn’t mean that you won’t slip up from time to time and have to get the nudge. You’re still human.
You will see how I slipped up recently and went to Phase 2 in the conclusion of my last post I Fell Of The Wagon. Part 2 coming this week! I know you didn’t think I was going to leave you hanging!
Meanwhile, take time this week to stop, be still, be silent, and listen! Your Inner Loving Diva will never steer you wrong….
It happens. I’m human. When I started this blog, I promised myself if I didn’t write shit that was authentic, genuine, honest, and real I wouldn’t write shit at all! Hence my 2 ½ week hiatus writer’s block and life just got the best of me. What can I say…? But I’m back!
So… I fell off the wagon. After all of my growth, insight, wisdom, and discernment, I reverted back to a 23 year old fool! Smh! Here is my confession of my own foolery!
Back in December my close girlfriend and her husband had a Christmas party. IT wasn’t just any ordinary Christmas party. This was a high end extravaganza! They decorated their estate… yes I said estate to the nines in the classiest, chicest Christmas decorations, there was an abundance of gourmet food, a bartender was mixing drinks with premium liquors and high end wines, and their was a great mix of guests. It was a wonderful evening. I didn’t plan on meeting anyone. Trust me, I’m used to going to these Holiday parties solo. And Don’t cry for me Argentina. I say that with contentment. Like I said, I am in a place where I am truly enjoying my Singledom and it feels so good! Anyway, I’m digressing… My point, I didn’t go to this event planning on meeting ANYONE. I went with the full intention of enjoying the food, drink, and company.
To my surprise while having a conversation with one of my girlfriend’s guests, I looked up and there stood an extremely attractive man. He had to be at least 6’5, he had a low cut fade, well groomed facial hair. If you looked up MONIQUE’S IDEAL MAN APPEARANCE his picture would come up immediately! We caught each other’s eyes and he smiled at me revealing a set of perfectly straight white teeth. And of course I gave him my million dollar mega watt smile back (for those who are new to this blog I might sound completely narcissistic, but if you don’t toot your own horn… damn it who will?) Just as I was doing cartwheels internally a young woman walked up next to him and handed him a drink. DAMN! Of course he was with someone! Why in the world would Murphy’s Law let me have the story line of “I met my husband when I least expected it…” Although that seemed to be the bullshit story all these other women who were in new relationships were trying to sell. I know I sound cynical… Of course that wouldn’t be the case for me. My inner loving diva consoled me, Keep your head up. At least your girlfriend made sure she has plenty of bottles of your favorite wines. SO I continued enjoying the wine and conversation of a fabulous Holiday party and kept my distance from the attractive man.
When going back to the massive gourmet food to get my 10th plate of food I bumped into Dreamboat and his date. They introduced themselves to me. I discovered “Aaron” was from the Midwest. He handled Hedge Funds for a major financial company. And his date was my girlfriend’s husband’s manicurist. And as a side note… no I do not find anything wrong with a well groomed man. As long as he doesn’t have a clear coat of polish on that completely acceptable. I found that to be an interesting combination. Call me a snob… Hell, I’ll call myself a snob. But how in the hell would an educated successful man, be hooked up with a manicurist?! So I asked the question as tactfully as I could. Hell I was nosey and wanted to get the Tea!
Me: How long have you two been together?
Aaron and Manicurist: (in unison) We are JUST friends!
Me: Really? Well you know what they say about friends. They make the best relationships.
Now you already know I was just making conversation. I was actually doing more internal cartwheels when they told me the news. And when they said it in unison “Aaron” slightly turned off by the idea and The Manicurist just shook her head.
The Manicurist: He’s like a brother to me. We would never date.
Although she said that, any other woman knows when another woman isn’t being honest with herself. I could totally tell she liked him. And I could also tell that if he told her he wanted to date her she would be joining my internal gymnastics team and be doing cartwheels too! But hey, that’s not my problem and this woman wasn’t my friend. And I specifically asked them if we were dating and they both adamantly denied it! So I believe in taking people for their word.
The Manicurist went off to get another drink and “Aaron” stayed there and we continued to talk. I found out he was 43 years old, had never been married but had a 7 year old daughter. He literally lived down the street from me. Then we started talking about relationships and work life balance.
Aaron: Maybe you could help me with work life balance. I have a tendency to be bad with that.
Me: It has to be a conscious effort. You have to have a life or you’ll miss moments.
Aaron: I wouldn’t want to miss any moments with you…
Such a corny ass line. So cheesy. But between the drinks and looking up to his 6’6 build I didn’t give a shit. I was enjoying the moment.
Aaron: Here’s my card. My cell phone is on it. Please give me a call. As a matter of fact, send me a text right away so I have your number.
Me: Sure. I’ll do that.
In an effort to not risk becoming a Stage 5 clinger, I circulated through the party. Throughout the evening I would catch him checking me out.
Before “Aaron” and the manicurist left the party, he came over and gave me a hug. As he hugged me he reminded me to send him the text. He said it loud enough for The Manicurist to hear it. So it wasn’t like he was being sneaky.
Of course the usual happens when you meet someone a a friends party during the after party clean up. I call it the Aftermath.
Girlfriend: So what was the deal with you and that guy? He couldn’t stop staring at you all night.
Me: He seemed cool. At first I thought he was with the Manicurist.
Girlfriend: I don’t think so. Did you exchange numbers?
Me: He gave me his card and asked me to text him my info. But I’ll wait until tomorrow.
Girlfriend: Why would you do that?
Me: I don’t want to seem pressed.
Girlfriend: Are you crazy?! There’s a lot of woman who aren’t pressed sitting around still SINGLE. You better text that man and stop playing games!
ME: You know what… You’re right!
I went into the guest bedroom and grabbed my phone. You know you have a great girlfriend when they make it a point to give you your own room in their house so you never have to worry about driving home under the influence. I grabbed my phone. Why is it when you like a guy you become so self conscious about everything you do? From leaving a text to leaving a voice mail… it’s not a simple task. after several rough drafts I settled with:
It was great meeting you tonight. Here’s my info.
Within seconds “Aaron” responded:
It was great meeting you as well. I look forward to keeping in touch and getting to know you more.
TO BE CONTINUED….