The last few weeks had been pretty hectic. Between my business travel, my social life, and entertaining out of town family I was SPENT. I knew I was doing too much when I arrived at my hair salon to get my hair done only to discover my appointment was for the next day. Unfortunately my hairstylist couldn’t squeeze me in since he was doing a full head weave. So I decided to slow my ass down. Instead of going to every event and accepting an invite to every party I decided I would only go to one event that week. I made it a “ME” week. I traded my social gatherings for meditation and went to my chiropractor and acupuncturist and got myself centered. There was a party happening on Saturday and I figured I would be completely well rested and ready to get back on the social scene. I was also making an effort to give LA men a chance. I had written them off and indulged in dating men who didn’t live here. In my “research” I found that men outside of LA were more assertive. They knew how to date. They also knew how to court women. However, I was beginning to get a little weary of long distance relationships. I missed the unplanned dating. You know, when you call your boo and tell him you’re thinking about him and he can be at your place within 30 minutes. I missed the lazy unplanned Saturday’s of just lounging around doing nothing but cuddling in your man’s arms. And all this can be done in a long distance relationship but it is just so damn hard. I was still open to them. But I decided to be more open and stop writing off LA men. So off to the party I went. The weather was warming up. It was springtime in LA. Along with changing my LA dating perceptive I was making a point to stop wearing so much black. So I went with a bold and colorful outfit which made me feel like it was spring time the time of new beginnings new perspective, and new prospects. My girlfriend had also given me a heads up that the last time this guy had a party there were more men than women there. You couldn’t get any better than that. I valeted parked my car, walked into the party in my killer heels that had a maximum shelf life of 30 minutes before my feet swelled. (beauty is pain). I found my girls at the bar and give them the sisterly hugs and looked around. Okay, I must admit, there were more men than woman at this party. They were professional handsome men. There were also a lot of couples as well. But I chose to focus on the silver lining.
I headed to the bar to order a glass of wine. I caught the eye of a gentleman across the bar. He was definitely a cutie. So I gave him my mega million dollar smile. And tilted my head and gave him the, “I am interested. You are free to come and talk to me” look. He smiled back at me and made his way over from the other side of the bar. “David” was a 38 year old engineer originally from Chicago.
David: Did you just get here?
Me: I’ve been here for 15 minutes. It’s damn near impossible to get a drink around here. They obviously weren’t ready for this crowd and need more bartenders.
David: It took me 20 minutes to get my drink.
As I waited for the bartender to make her way over to me to get my drink order “David” and I did the usual small talk. You know, “Where are you from? What do you do? How long have you lived in LA?” Finally the bartender came over and I ordered my $12 glass of Sauvignon Blanc. When she came back with my wine and the bill I paused for a half a second to see what “David” was going to do. When I realized he wasn’t even going to pretend to offer to buy the damn drink. I watched him watch me reach into my purse and get out my credit card and pay for my own damn drink! Let me be very clear. I can pay for a $12 glass of wine. That’s not the point. However, when you’re speaking with a man and this is his first impression, it is obvious he is cheap and has no manners. Typically when I am out and about on the east coast this isn’t even a discussion. Not because I am some broke ass bitch looking for a man to buy my drink, but simply because of chivalry. I engaged in more small talk with “David” but was already turned off so politely excused myself before he even thought to ask for my number.
Me: It was nice meeting David. I’ll see you around.
With that I headed to the dance floor to meet my girlfriends and dance off the stress from the past couple of weeks. The dance floor was full of mostly women while the men just stood around watching. Now let me put this into perspective. This was a party in LA. The crème de la crème were present. You had doctors, lawyers, entertainment executives, actors, models, who all went out of their way to look good and party. And these men were just standing around watching instead of joining these beautiful women on the dance floor?! It was so ridiculous that even the DJ got on the mic and said, “You fellas need to get out here on the dance floor. There is nothing but beautiful women out here.” It was ridiculous!
I decided to freshen up in the bathroom. On my way there, I caught the eye of a handsome brotha. He had the tall handsome Rick Fox look. He smiled at me and I smiled at him. I said “Hello.” And he said “Hello” back to me. And then… nothing. Now let me be clear. I have no issue giving a man a signal that I am interested in him. I will flirt. I will smile. But one thing I will NOT do is pick up a man. Call me old fashioned but I believe the way you start a relationship dictates how the relationship will go. If I start the relationship off being the “man” and courting a “man” instead of the other way around that is how the relationship will go. If I smile, say hello, and give you an indication that I am interested. Well damn it you need to bring your black ass up to me and approach me the way a man should. It’s really not that damn difficult. And again, if I were anywhere else in the country I wouldn’t be having this conversation. My drinks would have been bought and I would have been turning men down! But in LA most men (not all) but most, do not know how to be the man. The caveat is men who are visiting LA or men who are not born and raised in LA and haven’t lived here long. Either way, I looked around the room and observed the scene. I left the party feeling slightly perplexed and called my girlfriend.
My close girlfriend had a theory about LAX. She believed there is a welcome course for men when they land called M.A.S.S. Men Are So Stupid. In this course men are welcomed into the city and debugged of any chivalry and sense they had from the city they came from. They are trained to be assholes who do not approach women, buy drinks, and court a woman they way they did before they landed. She believed this course typically took 3 months to complete and by month 3 these men were officially brainwashed into the LA Male way of thinking. This is why when you meet a man who is not born and raised here you have 3 months to snatch him up before the learning’s from M.A.S.S. take over.
When I left the party I called my girlfriend who was there with me.
Me: I just don’t get it. I am trying to give these LA men a chance but they really do not know how to step up to the plate.
Girlfriend: Girl, I know. I was thinking the same thing. I was talking to my girlfriend and she told me I will meet the one when I’m not looking.
Record screeched to a stop. For any married women reading this blog for the love of God stop telling your single girlfriends that! That’s absolute bullshit. All of us look when we are single. (the exception to this rule are friends who met their husbands in college. They have no idea of what it means to date as an adult and they actually believe that shit is true) For the other married friends we all know before you were married you were looking. You were disappointed if you went out to a party and thought you might meet some prospects and came home with nothing. You know how I know this… I was once married. So I have experience in both. The only time that bullshit theory applies is if your husband was a man who “grew” on you. The man who you weren’t initially attracted to but he ultimately won you over. But let’s be honest, we all look and telling your single friend that is downright condescending, obnoxious, and insensitive. So when you feel the need or get the urge to make that statement, do all of us single girls a favor and shut the fuck up! Sorry… I digressed. But I just had to get that off my chest. So me and my girlfriend continued our conversation.
Me: That’s bullshit and you and I both know it. I do not understand how none of our friends met anyone last night.
Girlfriend: The brothas just aren’t stepping up out here.
Me: I know. I was trying to give these LA guys a chance but it looks like I am going to have to stick with long distance dating.
Girlfriend: Import… Export.
We hung up the phone and I thought about it. Recently a few of my girlfriends have been in long distance relationships that have turned into engagements and marriages. Some have moved to be with their men and others have actually gotten the guy to move to LA which is a great situation. It’s a difficult dilemma. I love LA. I love the weather, my circle of friends, my career, and my lifestyle here. The only thing missing is love. The issue is never quantity it’s quality. Let’s be clear, I have never had an issue getting a date. If I wanted to, I could be out with a different man everyday of the week. But that shit gets old. And I acknowledge, after my separation and divorce I wasn’t really ready for a serious relationship. I have never been one of those women who go from one relationship to the next. I needed time to get my footing after the devastation of the divorce. But in the last year, I have been ready emotionally and mentally for a real relationship. And if I were at a party in NYC, Atlanta, Chicago, DC, Philadelphia I would have been turning down drinks. The dance floor would have been packed with brothas. And more importantly men APPROACH the women. This doesn’t mean they are men that we want to date either (I have friends who live in these other cities and say the men are just as ignorant) but at least they know how to walk across the damn room and ask a woman to a dance. Or ask what we would like to drink. What happened to the men in LA? Are the women so aggressive they don’t know how to approach us anymore? Do I need to consider moving to another state and giving up all the things I love about LA in order to find my soul mate? And blah… blah.. blah… I already know when it is right it is right it doesn’t matter where you are. But the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Do I stay in LA knowing that I keep getting the same results? Do I sacrifice the city I love for another city where I can fall in love?