The A List

The A List

I realized I had no freaking clue what the hell I was looking for.

So I made the conscious decision to take a break from dating.  All of the recent bad dates had me feeling… What’s the word I’m looking for… Defeated.  Between Professor Klump, Knee Pad New York, The Swinger, The Dating Vapor, I didn’t want to go out on another bad date.  I was completely and officially over it.  I wanted my next date to lead to something more significant.  I was over being a serial dater.  I was ready to become a Serial Dater with my Ideal Man.  I made a conscious decision to spend time preparing for the real deal.  I perfected certain recipes.  I went out with girlfriends for cocktails and shit talking.  I was taking some serious “me” time.  I refused to just go out with someone for the sake of just going out with them.  I knew I was true to my word when I went to a party with a girlfriend of mine last week the typical LA industry party for a launch of a new liquor.  I made eye contact with a cutie pie.  He came up to me and struck up a good conversation.   He was from Queens and was a former professional athlete.  He gave me his card.  When I looked at it, it said Professional Trainer.  Um… Trainer, I don’t think so.  I am a professional woman and I do not have any interest in having a serious relationship with a trainer unless you are on some Billy Blanks status.  Call me a bitch but I would only want one thing from a trainer.  A good workout :-)  Not a serious relationship.  I want a man who is on my professional level.  I could see if I weren’t bringing anything to the table but I am and I shouldn’t have to lower my expectations just to have a man.  I politely put his card in my purse.  When I got in the car with my girlfriend to head home (she was the designated driver for the night) the conversation ensued.

Trainer

. I am a professional woman and I do not have any interest in having a serious relationship with a trainer unless you are on some Billy Blanks status.

Girlfriend:  Well at least the men were approaching us at this party.  What was up with the cutie you were talking to?

Me:  He was cool.  But girl, he was a trainer!

Girlfriend:  Awwwww…. Damn!

Me:  My thoughts exactly.  What was up with you and the cutie you met?

Girlfriend:  He’s an actor.

Me:  Awwwww damn!

When you work in the industry as an executive the last man you want to date is an up and coming actor or writer.  This might sound harsh.  But keep in mind we live in LA.  Those are typically the guys who find out which studio or network you work for and want to get a hook up for an audition.  OR want to give you their script.  You constantly have to ascertain if the interest in you is genuine or if they are looking for a come up.  So women in the industry generally avoid the no name up and coming actor for that very reason.  And don’t hit me with, “You could be blocking your blessing.”  Most women in the industry know this as a general rule of them.

Girlfriend:  So are you going to call the trainer.

I took the card out and looked at it.  He had a shirtless picture of himself on it and I could see every single one of his well sculpted biceps against his smooth chocolate skin.  Wow!  But I decided I was no longer just going to go out with a guy just because, for fun, for practice.  Now that I was officially over the divorce and ready for the real deal I was going to make that night the first night of dating only serious prospects.  So I tore the card up in tiny pieces and threw it out the window.

Girlfriend:  You are serious about this new dating thing?

Me:  I sure am!

Girlfriend:  I’m proud of you!

Me:  I’m tired of quantity, I only want quality!

Girlfriend:  I heard that.

That weekend I went to the 30th birthday of my cousin.  She recently moved to LA and we hadn’t had a chance to really talk since the divorce.  In my family I am a good decade older than most of my younger cousins.  They look up to me as the successful cousin making moves and enjoying life.  I was sitting on the beach at her bonfire.

Cousin:  So cuz how have you been since the incident?

It’s funny that’s what my marriage was now referred to.  “The Incident.”

Me:  It’s was a process.  But I am great.

Cousin:  Are you dating?

I gave her my usual crafted response.

Me:  I’m dating everybody!  I’m just enjoying myself. 

Cousin:  Have you met anyone special?

Me:  Not yet.

Cousin:  Is it hard?

Me:  No.  To be honest I wasn’t ready until recently.  I needed time to heal from “the incident.”

Cousin:  I understand.

Cousin:  So you’re ready now?

Me:  I think so.

Cousin:   Do you know what you want this time around?

She looked at me with the utmost sincerity.  And that was the first time I had been asked that question and I realized I had no freaking clue what the hell I was looking for.  I had written a list before I met my ex.  And unfortunately I had gotten everything I asked for.  It had been a long time since I had actually written a list of what the hell I wanted in my soul mate.  I had already created my vision board but in terms of writing down my list of what the hell I wanted, I hadn’t done that since I was 27.  Perhaps a part of me was terrified of missing something and getting exactly what I got before…  A freaking disaster!  But I knew it was time to revisit this list.

 

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The next evening I went to my meditation room with a glass of wine, lit candles, and wrote exactly what I was looking for. This time I was able to pinpoint exactly what I wanted. But first I meditated and prayed over it and I took my time.

So the next evening I went to my meditation room with a glass of wine, lit candles, and wrote exactly what I was looking for.  This time I was able to pinpoint exactly what I wanted.  But first I meditated and prayed over it and I took my time.  Instead of putting down- Kisses me on the forehead, wears a suit to work (the things that were on my27 year old bullshit list).  The 35 year old list had- Is a good communicator, doesn’t shut down when there is conflict, loves me unconditionally, spiritual not religious (and other things that I will keep between me and the universe).  By the time I blew out my candles and left the meditation room I hadn’t realized 2 hours had went by.  But I felt good and at peace.  I was no longer going to think I could change someone into becoming who I want them to be.  Like that famous quote says, When a man tells you who is… Believe him!  I was no longer going out just for the sake of it or not following that little thing called intuition.  Moving forward I was looking for something deep and meaningful and I knew I was deserving of it.  I can’t say I won’t go out on any more bad dates or never kiss another frog.  But what I can say is I am switching up my approach.  I’m going to try it out and see what happens.  After all at this point I have nothing to lose and everything to gain. 

 
Monique K.Bradley

 

 

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8 replies
  1. TheGayGuy
    TheGayGuy says:

    Indeed!!! This clarity, know thyself, true to yourself moment that 35 has brought on is a beautiful thing!!! Keep living, growing and being open to all the good the universe is bringing your way!!! Cheers!!

    Reply
  2. Jill
    Jill says:

    It used to seem like getting older was the worst thing ever. But thank God for the clarity and wisdom that comes with each birthday! I remember making a list in my 20’s…….with like 736 things. It’s good to move past the fluff and know what really matters.

    Reply

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