A Speedy Recovery….

Speed Dating

Against my better judgment I decided to go to a Speed Dating event the other night. It was for charity and I figured it would be a great opportunity for research.

Against my better judgment I decided to go to a Speed Dating event the other night.  It was for charity and I figured it would be a great opportunity for research.  I had pre-paid $35 dollars two weeks ago.  To be honest, had I not paid for it in advance I would have gladly stayed my black ass home and relaxed with a glass of wine and watched some Real Housewives of Atlanta re-runs.  But I wasn’t about to flush my hard earned money down the toilet.  I must admit, a part of me felt like going speed dating was the ultimate sign of desperation.  I mean is this what my dating life had become?  But I gave myself a pep talk.  I thought, I have nothing to lose I am going to be open to new possibilities.  And on top of that it is for a good cause.  100% of the proceeds went to a local charity.  Why not?  Then I thought back to those times when I hesitated going to events and ended up having the time of my life.  For all I knew my future husband could have been there.  I had no idea of the concept of speed dating or how the shit worked.  So last night I found myself in my car in my cute red dress headed over to the W Westwood for this speed dating experience.  I walked in and realized I was the first participant to arrive outside of the organizers of the event.  Oh shit, I felt super duper pressed at that point.  The event organizers had the warmest smiles on their faces and since I was the first person to arrive I decided to take that opportunity to pick their brains and get the Tea.  So I leaned over and asked them:

Me:  So what’s the deal?  Are there going to be any good men at this thing?

Event Organizers:  Well… they are a little hesitant. 

Me:  Sooo… what does that mean?

Event Organizer:  Well, we aren’t exactly sure about who will be coming.

Me:  How many men signed up for this?

Event Organizer: None.

My inner diva screamed, “What the fuck?!  Why didn’t these people cancel this event?  Instead I said calmly:

Me:  Are you serious?

Event Organizer:  I think some may show up let’s wait and see what happens.

I figured I might as well enjoy a nice glass of Rioja wine while I waited to calm my nerves.  And slowly but surely other hopeful women started to stroll in.  The consensus was What the hell?  And the other consensus was that dating in LA was a bitch!  This confirmed it.  So an hour later the event organizer came up to the 8 ladies that showed up for this now ratchet event and said one guy showed up.  When he walked in low and behold it was a guy I already knew and was just friends with.  I said hello and kept it moving and got the fuck out of there.  What a hot mess.  I made the executive decision that Speed Dating was certainly not for me and I would never subject myself to that Tom Foolery ever again research or not!

black-man-with-two-women1

So an hour later the event organizer came up to the 8 ladies that showed up for this now ratchet event and said one guy showed up.

The next day I had a dinner meeting with one of my clients turned girlfriend.  She always picked the best restaurants.  Ironically I was actually on time.  Normally I was always running late (a trait I am making a conscious effort to correct).  It had been a long week and I was looking forward to relaxing and having a glass of wine and pigging out on some great food.  She picked the latest hot spot, Rivabella.  The weather was warming up in LA and after the week I had I decided to lift my spirits up by wearing all white.  (East coast folks don’t judge me, I don’t believe in the White after Memorial Day Rules).  After all sometimes your wardrobe can change your entire perspective.  I was feeling more like myself and had returned to the land of the living after my dating depression.  When I walked into the restaurant my friend was sitting at the bar talking to a gentleman.  I only saw him from behind until  I walked up to her and gave her a hug.  As I hugged her and looked over her shoulder, there sat a HANDSOME brotha.  His skin was the coloring of a Hershey Kiss.  It was smooth like butter.  His suit was obviously custom and he had a build of a football player.  She sat down and introduced me to “Ron.”  Wow!  He was very… and I hate to say this… but I can’t think of another word, articulate.  I hate when people call me articulate.  I’m like really?  I’m an educated woman shouldn’t I be?  Anyways I digressed.  After she made the introductions she said, “I’m finishing up a meeting and I know how you are always late.  We are almost done so you can either sit here and wait or wait for me at the table.”

black-woman-at-bar

As I sat there my inner diva started smacking the shit out of me, “What the fuck are you doing?! There is a fine ass man sitting with your friend who didn’t have a wedding band on. Why are you sitting here instead of talking to him?! Get your ass up and go to the bar!!!!” And then I realized my inner diva was actually right for a change.

Just as I was about to tell her I would have a seat the hostess came up to me and asked me to follow her to the table.  So I went to our table ordered a glass of wine and waited for my friend to finish her meeting with “Ron.”  As I sat there my inner diva started smacking the shit out of me, “What the fuck are you doing?!  There is a fine ass man sitting with your friend who didn’t have a wedding band on.  Why are you sitting here instead of talking to him?!  Get your ass up and go to the bar!!!!”  And then I realized my inner diva was actually right for a change.  So I motioned for the waiter to bring me my bill and I walked back over to the bar.  Ironically there was an empty seat next to them.  My friend gave me a smile and a wink.  She was happily married and I wasn’t sure if she set this up on purpose.

Me:  I didn’t want you all to feel rushed.  So I figured I would just sit with you all at the bar.

Ron:  Cool.  If you don’t mind, I’ll order another drink and hang out with you two for a few minutes.

Ironically my girlfriend’s husband had called her and she excused herself.  So that gave me and “Ron” a chance to chit chat.  The conversation was great.  He was a criminal defense attorney who was doing some work with my girlfriend’s mentor program.  He went to an HBCU which was always a plus for men I met.  He was genuine.  We talked a lot about our experiences going to the top HBCU’s.  He had also just seen the movie 42 so we ended up talking a lot about Jackie Robinson and the racism he faced.  It was really a great and in depth convo.  He ended up staying for another hour and hanging out with us.

Ron:  Well I know I have over stayed my welcome.  But it was great meeting you.  I’m sure you two are going to talk about me. (To my girlfriend) I’ll give you a call tomorrow. (He winked at her)

Girlfriend:  I got you.  (And she pointed to both of us)

Ron came to me to give me a hug and I went to hug him.

Ron:  Wait a minute.  I’m going to need you to stand up and give me a hug.

Well alright now!  I stood up and the $200 I had just spent on my new heels suddenly seemed like a bargain.  With the extra inches of heel I was standing at a good 6’1 and he was still taller than me!  What a sucker I am for a tall chocolate man!!!

Ron:  How tall are you?

Me:  5’8 barefoot.  But I like that I can wear my heels and still look up to you.

Ron:  Me too.  It was great meeting you. (To my friend) let’s touch base tomorrow.

With that “Ron” walked out of the restaurant and I immediately badgered my girlfriend.

Me:  Did you plan that?!

Girlfriend:  No.  I swear I didn’t.  I had already set up our meeting and you’re normally 15 minutes late.  I couldn’t believe you were actually on time!

Me:  He is fine!  What is his deal?

Girlfriend:  He’s a cool guy.  He’s solid, nice, and sincere.  And he can handle a strong woman.  I can’t believe I didn’t think about hooking you two up sooner!

Me:  I thought this was an intentional set up.

Girlfriend:  I swear it wasn’t.  But all the pieces fell into place.  And I definitely sensed a mutual attraction.  I’ll give him your info and let it go from there.

So we finished our dinner and our girl talk and I felt renewed!  I have no idea if I will ever hear from “Ron” or if it will go anywhere. But over the last few weeks I was finding myself giving up on love.  And to be honest I was on a nonstop flight to Bitterville.  Sometimes it’s the little things that renew your sense of love and belief that happily ever after does exist.  Sometimes the universe has a way of picking you up and bringing you back.  I have no idea what the future holds for me.  And I must say that is a frustrating thought.  I am so used to being in control of everything in my life.  Once I give up the idea that I have control of this dating shit, I think that’s when things will happen.  So moving forward, I am going to sit back and just let the universe take me where I need to go.  Love does exist and I will find it or perhaps it will find me.  Over the last few months I have learned some valuable lessons in love.

 

1-       Follow your intuition

2-      Don’t date someone you are not attracted to.  It’s just not worth it in the long run

3-      Be open

4-      Put your expectations in check

5-      Continue to believe that true love exists

6-      Don’t let cynicism turn you into a bitter scorned woman

7-      When the shit don’t feel right keep it moving

8-      Run away from Emotionally Unavailable men

9-      Not all LA men are idiots

10-   Sometimes when you least expect it, you will find yourself in a sad place.  Its okay and you will get through it.  Don’t push it down.  Let your emotions flow.

Who knows what my next lesson will be in this journey to love.  What I do know is I am ready for the next lesson and with each lesson, trial, and triumph I am getting closer to meeting my soul mate.  Until then, I will continue to believe in “Happily Ever After…”  And with that my dating depression was healed and I had finally reached a full recovery…

 

5 replies
  1. Charla
    Charla says:

    Great post! I recently started navigating this dating world as a newly single divorced woman, and you are right…once I relaxed into it and let go of any expectations it has become fun and exciting. I am just enjoying all the moments that this dating world is bringing forth.

    Reply
  2. Monique K
    Monique K says:

    First of all, welcome to life after divorce! You made it. My goodness the lessons learned from your marriage and divorce has made you stronger! I can learn from you on how to relax and let go. There are greater things ahead for you.

    Reply
  3. Marcie
    Marcie says:

    Sorry for posting on such an old post. But your list of valuable lessons are spot on. Especially the last one. I was feeling a little down not because I am by myself but I was just so frustrated with dating. Can’t wait to finish reading everything! :)

    Reply
    • Monique K
      Monique K says:

      I didn’t realize I hadn’t responded to this. And the timing is perfect. I am feeling just like you right now. Every once in a while it is hard to be hopeful when you experience so many dating disappointments. So today, I am having to ride the wave of yet another disappointment. You are NOT alone. We must keep each other lifted up during those times of dating disappointments. I hope my blog got you through a rainy day…

      Reply

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