The Company You Keep

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I refused to speak to or associate with any negativity. Not to be a bitch but I needed to protect myself.

I had finally returned to the land of the living.  I was feeling like myself again and I was also feeling hopeful after that chance meeting with “Ron.”  So I made another conscious decision to spend more time with happily married couples, people in love, and positive energy.  I refused to speak to or associate with any negativity.  Not to be a bitch but I needed to protect myself.  It is always a great reminder to be around people who actually love each other but not only just that, they love you and want the best of you.  Over the weekend I attended a bridal shower of a friend of mine who was getting married in June.  She had been through a previous marriage and divorce. She met her soul mate around a year ago.  To see the sincere happiness on her face during her shower was… inspirational.  I believed in love and I wanted to believe that the second time around could happen.  I remember a little over a year ago I was considering moving to Chicago.  I had gone there for work and I felt like I was a super star.  Brothas acknowledged me.  They went out of their way!  And I liked the vibe of the city.  I told my girlfriend this and her response was, “Are you crazy?  You don’t even have a plan!  Are you just going to move to Chicago and not have a plan?”  She definitely had a point.  A few weeks later I was in Chicago for a layover.  When I got off the plane and walked through the jet way, which took a total of 20 seconds.  By the time I was finally in the airport.  I couldn’t feel my legs.  They were frostbitten.  I realized then and there if this is what the weather was like in Chicago in December I was going to stay my ass right in LA.  I grew up in New Jersey and yes it was cold during the winter time but the level of bitter ice cold in Chicago was more than I could stand.  My 13 years in LA had made me allergic to the cold weather.  And my friend had a point.  It would be one thing if I had already met my soul mate who lived in Chicago and I moved for love.  But why in the hell would I move to Chicago without a plan in hopes of meeting an imaginary man?  If I didn’t I would spend my time alone and cold.  At least in LA I can be alone but take a drive in my convertible in the middle of December with the top down.  But fast forwarding to present time seeing her so happy gave me hope.  And encouragement that the second time around could and would be better.

The next day I met up with two of my married girlfriends at Casa Del Mar in Santa Monica.  My one girlfriend friend was happily married to a man who adored her.  Their family looked like one of those families that are in a picture frame when you buy one from the store.  They are gorgeous and the level of respect and love they have for one another is again inspiring.  My other friend had been married for two years and I was with her when she met her husband at the UCLA Jazz fest Memorial Day weekend a few years back.  Their courtship proved that when you marry a man who is your friend and who loves you unconditionally you have a strong marriage.  I was telling them how I had just gone through one of my dating depression and was so frustrated with dating.  You see, if I wanted to I could have already been remarried if that all I wanted was just marriage.  But Like my friend whose bridal shower I went to the day before, I was looking for something more.  I was looking for the real thing.  And I wouldn’t settle until the real thing happened.  All of these dating lessons I was learning since the divorce made me realize that it is better to be alone and lonely than with someone and lonely.  Once again, being around people who are happily married gives you a sense of hope.  Also, if you really listen they offer perils of wisdom.  My one girlfriend told me, “Right before I met my husband.  I had made myself okay with being by myself.  I was travelling and just enjoying my life.  I made myself okay with me first.” When I went on further to tell them about my crazy ass week and self doubt my other married girlfriend said, “You have to be very careful with what you put out into the universe.  There are things that might run through my mind, but I don’t say that shit out loud.  When that negative thought creeps up I push it down.  Don’t speak bad shit into existence.”   It is so good to have real friends.

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I was glad I had girlfriends in my life that kept it real and that were positive….Seeing my friend so happy and with a man who genuinely got her really touched my heart. And she said, “Ladies, miracles do happen.”

Then my final stop for my weekend of unexpected self discovery was happy hour with some of my college friends at Sonoma Wine Bar at the 3rd Street Promenade Mall in Santa Monica.  A girlfriend of mine had started dating an amazing guy.  Seeing my friend so happy and with a man who genuinely got her really touched my heart.  And she said, “Ladies, miracles do happen.”  Seeing her smile made me realize that was true.  Misery doesn’t always love company.  Being around these wonderful women made me realize a few things:  first of all, the common denominator they all had is they reached a point in being fine being by themselves.  It didn’t mean they didn’t believe that would meet the right man but they made themselves okay with being where they were at the time.  They also did not settle just to be with a man.  They went with the flow and waited for the right man to come along.  They didn’t force it.  They just lived their lives and when they met their soul mates he didn’t complete them he merely enhanced where they already were.  These were all things that I knew already but I found myself forgetting this.  And then when I really sat down and thought about it, I realized that is one of the major reasons I ended up marrying the wrong person in the first place.  I worried that I wasn’t going to get any better and I found myself dealing with bullshit just because of my fear of being in the dating game.  I find that lately I think I have been tested.  I’m not sure if these tests are the universe’s way of making sure I am really and truly ready or making sure I really learned my lesson.  But I was glad I had girlfriends in my life that kept it real and that were positive.  It is easy to get advice from the wrong people.  I remember when I was going through my divorce different people were so quick to give me advice on what I should and shouldn’t do but when they were in a similar situation it was interesting to see how they didn’t follow any of the advice they gave me.  It is so important as woman that you keep positive people around you and that you stay positive. Because when you are in a low and vulnerable position you can become a victim of bad advice and bitterness.  I don’t have a major dating story to tell you all today, but I felt the need to reiterate age old wisdom.  Watch the company you keep….     
Monique K.Bradley

 

 

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8 replies
  1. Kim
    Kim says:

    You definitely hit a point here! You have to be careful who you confide in, because some friends even the ones who have the best intentions, could sabotage your relationships without even knowing it. It’s simple physics: Energy is neither created or destroyed it just transfers from one entity to the next. So positive energy will flow to you but negative energy will as well. Remember it only takes one bitter bitch to ruin your relationship! :)

    Reply
  2. Monique K
    Monique K says:

    Now those are words to live by! I have learned that the hard way. its amazing what happens when you develop discernment and wisdom! And lots if times the people do have good intentions and don’t realize they are giving you bad advice.

    Reply
    • Monique K
      Monique K says:

      Thank you! I get the best advice from friends who really get me and who are really supportive. IT’s amazing, sometimes you realize people who have known you the longest understand you the least. Thank goodness for positive people who keep it real and know how to reel you in when you are on the ledge. :-)

      Reply
  3. Fairoza
    Fairoza says:

    You’re in great company! Yes, there is hope as we witnessed at the shower. This time is meant to live in the moment, to take the time to smell the roses, feel the sand between your toes, cultivate friendships, travel, laugh hard, take in the beauty of all that surrounds us. Your turn will come and when it does you would’ve taken the time to enjoy you and do all that you are passionate about, and when your Mr. Right comes into your life, you’ll be ready to start a new list of things to do and explore with him. Life always comes full circle! So, enjoy living in the now:).

    Reply
    • Monique K
      Monique K says:

      Well put! I am really learning how to truly live in the moment. Most of my life I have tried to figure things out, plan, and control things. I must admit it is so freeing to be in the moment finally. I am in good company and I am so blessed to have an amazing circle of dynamic, wonderful, positive women. The best is yet to come! That comment is worth a blog post all in itself!

      Reply
  4. Divorced Kat
    Divorced Kat says:

    Totally agree about how important it is to have POSITIVE, loving girlfriends throughout life, but especially when you’re going through some crap. I don’t know how I would’ve survived my divorce if I didn’t have such supportive friends! They lent me strength and hope when I needed it most.

    Reply
    • Monique K
      Monique K says:

      They really do. When you are around bitter people it becomes contagious! Thank goodness for great friends and support. And great blogs too… :-)

      Reply

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