Goldilocks and the Big Bad Wolf Part 1


The Holiday season is a great time to catch up with family and friends you haven’t seen in a while… Since I have been slacking on my posts in the last few weeks inquiring minds want to know how the dating scene is going. Now those are always fun discussions. But I began to recognize a pattern in my comments.

I know it’s been a while.  I got hit with the flu HARD last week.  But I’m baaaaack!  The Holiday season is a great time to catch up with family and friends you haven’t seen in a while.  Of course when you haven’t seen folks for a while there is that inevitable question that always comes up.  It’s the question that annoys the shit out of me.  If you are a loyal follower you already know what it is…  “Are you seeing anybody special?  Are you dating anyone seriously?”   URGH!  Like I say, if those questions are followed with, “I have someone I want you to meet.”  Then it is acceptable.  If not, don’t ask.  Trust me, when I meet my boo you will be the first to know!  And I get it, I know it’s my own personal insecurity that alot of other single women share.  BUt it is what it is.   The other questions that come up are updates on what’s going on with some of the guys I dated. Since I have been slacking on my posts in the last few weeks inquiring minds want to know (don’t worry, detailed posts to follow).  Now those are always fun discussions.  But I began to recognize a pattern in my comments.

He was too fat…

He was too short….

He was too broke…

He was too arrogant…

He was too old…

He was too young…

He was too pressed…

He wasn’t showing enough attention…

As I was giving my detailed account of the various guys I went out with when I got to the last few comments.  I saw the look on my mother and friends face shift.  They tilted their head to the side and looked at me like I was crazy.  And to be honest I couldn’t blame them.

His mouth was shaped weird…

He has a big head…

I didn’t like his hands…

My mother laughed and said, “My goodness… Another one bites the dust!  I get some things being a deterrent, but his mouth?  Come on!  And a big head?  Now you know you’re reaching!”

My other girlfriends said, “You can fix teeth.”

A week later I met up with some friends to catch the football game… also known as hang out at a sports bar and meet men!  Just a side note, sports bars during football season are a great spot to meet men.  Anyway I digressed.  I got into a conversation with one of my girlfriend’s husbands.  They are a couple that I love and admire.  They really are friends and genuinely like each other and have a good time together.  I think it is so important that the person you end up with is someone you love passionately but also someone who is your friend.  They exemplified this concept.  He and I got on the topic of relationships.

Girlfriend’s Husband:  So what’s going on with the dating scene?

Me:  Same shit different day.  I’m really ready to settle down but I just want to make sure it is with the right person.

Girlfriend’s Husband:  You definitely shouldn’t settle.  You’re a catch.  There’s no need for that.

Me:  Thank you.  I have to admit, most of the times the guys that are really into me I’m just not into them.

When I said that he gave me a look.  Not a judgmental look but you know one of those looks where someone is about to say something but they catch themselves.  Luckily, I trusted him enough to know I could allow him to go there without getting my feelings hurt.  So I took a deep breath and prepared for what he had to say.

Me:  What?  Don’t worry I can handle it…

Girlfriend’s Husband:  well, you should take a look at that to find out what that’s about.  That’s a strong statement and you should think about where it stems from.

I took a sip of my wine and thought about what he said because he was right.  I never really took a second to think about that.  But it is a strong statement.  You know what they say, a lot of times things come to you in threes.  My 3rd sign happened a week later.

I headed over to my hairstylist.   With the New Year in full swing I was ready to step outside the box.  Instead of waiting for the summertime to go blonde I said, fuck it, why wait.  5 ½ hours later he spun me around in the chair and I was a blonde and I loved it.  New Year… New Me.  And don’t worry; it’s not Nene Leakes/ Mary J. Blige blonde either.  I headed off to meet a friend of friend for drinks.  I was slightly annoyed when my friend couldn’t make it at the last minute.  After all, the last thing I wanted to was sit with someone I barely knew shooting the shit trying to fill time.  But it was too late to cancel.  I got to Mastro’s in Beverly Hills to meet with her.  She was a 48 year old executive.  She was stunning too.  She was about 5’10, self assured, dressed to the nines, and when she entered the room she had presence.  In other words, she was me 12 years from now!  LOL!  IF you can’t toot your own horn who will.  :-)  Or so I thought! She was an entertainment attorney for one of the top firms in LA.  When she arrived she looked somewhat flustered and stressed out.  And unlike me who was good at masking my emotions (at times… okay that might be an over statement!) she was not.  She looked like she really didn’t feel like being bothered.  Great!  Just what I needed a bitch that thought she was doing ME a favor by meeting me.  Guuuurl…. Please have several fucking seats.  We sat down and she ordered a scotch and I ordered a glass of wine.  And this bitch began interrogating me.


She looked like she really didn’t feel like being bothered. Great! Just what I needed a bitch that thought she was doing ME a favor by meeting me… Did I mention this bitch hadn’t even read my blog?

The Bitch:  So what exactly do you do again?

I told her what I did and like most people, she seemed to softened up a bit when I told her what I did and which company I worked for.

The Bitch:  Interesting. 

Me:   I’m also focusing on my blog.

The Bitch:  What’s it about.

Me:  It’s Sex and the City meets Los Angeles but in today’s world with all the added pressures of social media as well as dating after divorce.

The Bitch:  That doesn’t sound very unique. 

Me:  Well perhaps you should read it first.

The Bitch:  I hope you’re not offended but that been done already.  How is it different than Being Marry Jane or Girlfriends, or even Scandal?

I took a deep breath.  The old me would have cussed this bitch out.  But the 36 year old me was calmed by my inner loving diva, Relax Monique.  Perhaps this bitch had a bad day.  I couldn’t believe that a bitch who hadn’t even read my blog had no fucking clue what it was about was comparing it to Being Mary Jane on BET.  First of all, I don’t fuck or date married men like the character Gabrielle Union played on Being Mary Jane secondly, I had been married before, thirdly my blog shows that it not so damn hard to meet men and date and women don’t have to be fucking desperate.  As much as I loved Scandal how the fuck could she compare my blog to Scandal last time I looked I wasn’t dating  or fucking the POTUS! Just because I am black it doesn’t mean that I should be compared to every single black single woman on TV.  Sorry for the rant!  But she really pissed me off!  Did I mention this bitch hadn’t even read my blog?

The Bitch:  What are some of your posts about?

I proceeded to tell her about a few of them and her ass just sat there stone faced.  So I decided to turn the line of questioning on her since she was all in my business.

Me:  Well how about you?  Are you single?

The Bitch:  Yes.

Me:  Have you ever been married?

The Bitch: No.

Me:  Do you find it hard dating in LA?

The Bitch:  I don’t date men from LA.

Me:  I can certainly understand that.  You have to import and export.  But you never know yo might find some hidden gems. (YOu bitter, smug bitch…) OF course i didn’t say the last part but I thought it!

The Bitch:  It sounds like you really need to develop your character if you see her on TV.  She has to have a flaw.  What do you think your character flaw would be?  That’s what makes for interesting TV.

I gave her the most condescending tap on the shoulder I could give.  Gave her a fake smile and said.

ME:  Again, check out the blog and you’ll see. 

The Bitch:  Do you want to get married again?

Me:  Absolutely.  But I want to make sure it’s with the right person.  And I definitely want to have kids one day.  

Then she did what single people should never do to each other.  She looked at me with such judgment.  That’s another one of my biggest pet peeves.  Don’t look down on women who want to be married and have kids.  There’s nothing wrong than that.  That does not make you any less of a modern day women than the next women.  I believe it is possible to have it all.  The husband, the kids, and the career.  I remember when I used to be a cheerleader in high school my mother certainly made it to most of my games.  Business suit and heels on cheering in the stands.  That’s the kind of mother and wife I plan to be.  I can’t stand when a woman who for whatever reason hasn’t been married and hasn’t had children try to make you feel  like wanting that is unrealistic.  Or you are betraying Singledom by wanting to transition over to married life and have kids.  This woman was literally trying to blow apart all of what I was trying to accomplish and want in life from the blog, to marriage, to wanting kids.  What the hell?


To Be Continued…

Monique K.Bradley



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