Judge Me Not
It had been a while since I went out with friends on a “school night.” And Lord knows that’s exactly what I needed! I was having one of those BLAH weeks. My career was going great; my brand new dining room table was delivered and my house was looking like it was staged. I was enjoying driving my new car. I was spending more time with my LA family. And I was appreciating the TRUE and AUTHENTIC friendships in my life.
However, I was still feeling a little BLAH. Every once in awhile, as a single woman you have those times where you feel a little lonely. And don’t get me wrong. I would rather be alone and lonely than in a relationship and lonely. And I am very clear, if I wanted to be in a relationship right now I could settle and just go with what was around. But I was making the conscious effort to go with my heart, follow my gut, and never ever settle again. But sometimes you want to go to the top of a mountain and scream out, “Where the fuck is he? I’m ready! Where are you?!”
I’m ready to experience passionate, unconditional; earth shattering, supportive, agape love and I promised myself I would never ever settle for anything less EVER again… Okay I am already digressing. Long story short, this week the loneliness was feeling a little more palpable. And I was in a serious funk. When my girlfriend called me and asked me if I wanted to meet her for drinks after work, I said YES without hesitation. One of her college friends was celebrating his birthday. Unlike most people who are in a funk about being lonely, I particularly like to be around other people who are in love and hear their stories of happiness. For me, it is wonderful to see my girlfriend a) so happy and b) it lets me know it is possible to have everything you’re looking for if you’re willing to wait for the RIGHT person.
So I shut down my computer and made my way to Beverly Hills. I arrived before my girlfriend and had the opportunity to meet the very energetic, charismatic and very DRUNK birthday boy. He was friendly and buying drinks. I could appreciate that! As we were toasting my girlfriend walked in and joined us for a toast. He was one of those guys who were funny without even trying and unapologetically honest. He just had us cracking up. He reminded me of a black Ari Gold from Entourage. He was borderline obnoxious but loveable. He was also Ari Gold’s size. He was a good 5’6. He was introducing us to his various investment banker friends, the typical suited and booted Beverly Hills business men. A few minutes later in walked in one guy with a young black lady. I assumed she was in her late 20’s. She was inappropriately dressed for Beverly Hills. She had on a pair of high waisted super duper tight jeans. You know those jeans that looked like she would need to make a stop by CVS pharmacy on her way home and pick up a pack of Monistat 7, a beaded Bebe tank top that exposed her double D fake breasts. And don’t get me wrong, as a member of the double D club (all natural for the record… no shade), I get it, and I will always try to accentuate them. However, the general rule of thumb is you have to pick one thing or the other to accentuate. If you are focusing on displaying the Double D’s you can’t also expose the ass and the legs. You must keep it classy! There I go digressing again. In addition to the too tight jeans, and the cheap beaded tank top, she had so many tattoos. She had very pretty caramel skin but the tattoos over took her left arm and a portion of her chest. She had a short curly hair cut similar to Nicole Murphy. And to top it all off she had a nose ring. However, despite her tacky wardrobe you could tell she was a naturally pretty girl. There was live jazz playing and she was dancing inappropriately proactively. My girlfriend and I gave each other the international look all women give each other when a woman like that walks into a restaurant. It’s that look you give each other and know exactly what each other is saying without speaking.
Look at this skank. Poor thing!
The gentleman she walked in with was actually her boyfriend. What an interesting match! “Bob” was a 42 year old, white investment banker. He was from… get this… Iowa! He was attractive for a white guy. He was about 6’3, with dark hair, and full lips. If I was into white men I would certainly consider giving him an application to date me. LOL! I would have never guessed he would be the type to to date a black woman let alone a younger woman who was so… okay I’ll say it… slutty! Yes I said it. I was judging!
He introduced us to this character, “Chloe.”
Chloe: Nice to meet you ladies! What are you drinking?
We told her and she ordered our drinks on Bob’s tab. She then returned to the dance floor and danced like there was a stripper pole present… although there wasn’t. She would run up to “Bob” a few times and simulate humping him. Although he would turn bright red you could tell he loved it!
Bob: I have no idea what I’m doing dating her. She’s a handful!
Me: Yes she is! But she seems nice.
Bob: She is a sweetheart. She’s just a little young.
Me: Well you know how you men are, the younger the better!
A few moments later “Bob” was introducing us to another young lady. She seemed more age appropriate and was wearing a classy pink silk dress. Her jewelry was understated.
My girlfriend and I gave each other the other international non verbal “WTF” look. “Chloe” appeared from nowhere and introduced herself to the other young lady. She was very friendly and confident.
Chloe: Hello, I’m Chloe, Bob’s girlfriend. And you are?
This night was certainly getting more entertaining by the minute. The other lady introduced herself to “Chloe” and made it a point to sit at the same seat at the bar listening distance from “Bob” and “Chloe.”
When “Chloe” was finally finished putting on a show in the middle of the dance floor she made her way to the empty seat that was at the bar near my girlfriend and I and ordered another cocktail.
Chloe: So what do you ladies do?
Me: I’m in entertainment.
Girlfriend: I’m a lawyer.
Chloe: Really? I just finished school to become a paralegal.
I discreetly kicked my girlfriend under the table. I knew good and well she wouldn’t consider hiring this piece of work in her thriving law practice.
Girlfriend: That’s great.
Then Chloe leaned in and whispered to us.
Chloe: You noticed this bitch hasn’t moved since I introduced myself to her. She’s over there ear hustling.
Chloe was right and I had noticed that. I was still trying to figure out who the lady was in the mix.
Girlfriend: How did you and Bob meet?
Chloe: I was working in the coffee shop where he comes every day before work and he was always nervous whenever I would wait on him. Then one day he wrote me a note. And it said “Will you go out with me… yes… or no.”
Me and My Girlfriend: Awww that’s so sweet.
Chloe: I didn’t call him for a few weeks and then one day I said, fuck it. I’ll give him a call. My daughter’s father was getting on my nerves and I figured I had nothing to lose. WE went out the next day. And then our second date I took him to Vegas. And after that trip we knew we had feelings for each other.
Girlfriend: That’s the key. You have to get them out of their environment in order to really get to know them. When you go out of town, it’s just you and the guy and you will know if it’s right.
Chloe: We had a great time. Besides I had hook ups at the different clubs from when I used to strip.
She said it so nonchalantly like she was talking about being a barista at Starbucks. For some strange reason I wasn’t bothered by it or surprised.
Me: How long ago was that?
Chloe: Five years ago.
Me: How old are you if you don’t mind my asking.
Me: You’re young. So you like your men older?
Chloe: I don’t have time for these young boys!
Me: I know that’s right.
Chloe: He’s a great guy. He treats me better than anyone I have ever been with, even my daughter’s father.
Me: That’s really good and that’s important. How long have you two been together?
Chloe: 3 years.
Chloe: The only thing is…
She looked over to see if the Ear Hustler was present. She had disappeared.
Chloe: He vanishes for weeks at a time.
Girlfriend: What do you mean?
Chloe: HE went through a really bad divorce and there are times when I know he gets scared and I won’t hear from him for two weeks. I’ll call him, text, him and nothing.
Girlfriend: Have you had a conversation with him about it?
Chloe: I have. But he always does it.
I looked at this young girl’s eyes and my judgment suddenly turned into compassion. She clearly had been through some things in her life and my heart did a 180.
Me: I’m sorry to hear that. You definitely need to talk to him about it.
Chloe: He has been so supportive. He even paid my way through school to become a paralegal. I’m really trying to change my life for the better so I can take care of me and my daughter. I’ll be right back.
Chloe went to the ladies room and my girlfriend and I immediately started talking.
Me: I feel bad for her.
Girlfriend: I know me too.
Me: She’s actually nice and here we were judging her before we even knew her.
Girlfriend: I know.
Me: WE are bitches!
We both started laughing.
Girlfriend: I’m going to give her my card and have her come to my office. IF she’s decent I might hire her. I could mentor her and teach her appropriate professional behavior.
Me: We could be her fairy god mothers.
Chloe returned from the bathroom shortly after that.
Chloe: Sorry ladies, I had to readjust my bra straps. Since I had my daughter these bad boys hang low if I don’t wear the right bra.
Me: Those are yours.
Before you go judging me forsaking. This is a typical conversation that happens between women in LA.
Chloe: Girl yes!
She then took my hand and had me touch them. They were definitely authentic non surgically enhanced breasts. And once again, before you judge me. I am strictly dickly. But this is a typical interaction between women in LA. When you have real breasts and people question them you do this and when you have fake breasts that look real people do the same thing. It’s an LA thing.
Me: I thought for sure they were fake.
Chloe: It’s Victoria Secrets ultimately push up bra!
My girlfriend handed her card over to Chloe.
Girlfriend: I want you to come to my office this week. I might have apposition open and we can do a test run.
Chloe: Really?! I’d love that.
She gave my girlfriend a hug. She finished her drink and gave me a hug and headed out. She had to get home in time to get her daughter. We saw her waiting outside. And “Bob” was still inside socializing. She came back inside to get him and he was taking his sweet time. When the birthday boy returned to my girlfriend and I we suddenly became like her 2 aunties.
Girlfriend: Why isn’t Bob going outside to give Chloe a ride?
Birthday Boy: She’ll be fine.
ME: But she needs to pick up her daughter.
Birthday Boy: Chloe is a trip. She’s one of these modern day 20 something girls. They will give you head in a taxi cab and come back into a party and keep dancing.
Birthday Boy: These young girls just don’t care. They aren’t concerned with what people think. Women who are your age are more concerned about what people think. You keep shit classy and try to do the right thing. It’s a new generation of women out there.
I looked outside and saw Chloe getting into a cab. And my heart ached for her. And I had to do a reality check on myself. I was so quick to judge her, to write her off as a lost slutty skank instead of embracing her and getting to know her. Maybe I could be that person who helps her change her life around. She obviously was trying to do better. She went to school to become a paralegal. And who knows what her situation was that drove her to stripping and having a child at a young age. Who knows how many men have used and abused her? But what a lesson learned. Us 30-40 something’s have to do better. WE need to embrace these young girls instead of judging them. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t plan on making it my life mission to go to strip clubs and try to convert strippers into housewives. But what I am saying is I need to be more sensitive to people and check myself when I am being judgmental bitch. Not everyone has grown up like I did and that’s okay. But I truly believe we are put on this earth to be a light to others and help their light shine. How can you long for love if you aren’t giving it out yourself and that’s doesn’t just apply to the dating world but on your day to day life.