The Blind Date


He got his BA AND MBA from Stanford. Not only was this man fine as hell but he was successful smart too! He is what I would call an IBM (Ideal Black Man) I felt like God was looking down on me and gave me a belated Christmas gift.

If you are up to date on my blog and read my last post, you already know I went on a Dry Run Date to prepare for the real date with a handsome man I met a few weeks ago.  It had been a while, actually a long while since I was really and truly excited about a date.  This was a foreign but familiar feeling.  I went out and bought a little black dress.  I was recently on a Spin kick at the gym and the pounds were beginning to melt off.  So I was feeling confident wearing something a little more fitted.  I got my nails freshly done, an eyebrow and lip wax (yes I’m admitting to that).  LOL!  And I even made sure I took a little pre-date nap to make sure I was fully alert and ready to go out on this date.

I met “Kevin” the same weekend I met “Ivan.”   My girlfriend and I were hanging out at Tao in Downtown NYC.  I saw him from a distance.  I assumed he was a former NBA player.  He was a good 6’6 feet tall, had a bald head, and was the coloring of a Hershey kiss.  And he was dressed immaculately; a nice pair of slacks, a button down shirt, cuff links, Gucci Loafers, and a settle Piguet watch.  Good Lawd!  I noticed him look in my direction and I gave him the head tilt and a smile.  Ten minutes later “Kevin” and his friends had made their way to our table.  Ironically “Kevin” lived in San Francisco and was in town on business.  Wow!  That makes two men in one month I met that were based in LA doing business in NYC.  Let me find out I’m going to have to meet my Cali man in New York!  “Kevin” was a 37 year old technology exec and a former college basketball player.  This certainly explained his “swag.”  He got his BA AND MBA from Stanford.  Not only was this man fine as hell but he was successful and smart too!  He is what I would call an IBM (Ideal Black Man)  I felt like God was looking down on me and gave me a belated Christmas gift!

We exchanged info, and he did what most men do that annoys the shit out of me.  He would text me from time to time and see how I was doing.  I could care less about how fine, successful, and smart a man is there is something I will not settle on and that’s proper courting.  Like Patti Stinger always says, women fall in love between their ears not between their fingers on text messages.  Text messages should be done in ADDITION to talking on the phone.  Seriously, that is Dating 101.  Text messages should be used to say things like:

Thinking about you…

Running late…

Sushi or Italian…

Great convo last night…

However do not send me a text if you haven’t picked up the phone to call me and say:

How are you doing?

What did you do this weekend?

How’s everything at work?


Text messages should be done in ADDITION to talking on the phone. Seriously, that is Dating 101.

Pick up the fucking phone and call!  Okay I digressed.  “Kevin” was already off to a shitty start.  So I began to ignore his text.  My theory was,  here is a man who travels frequently for work.  He lives in San Francisco.  So it isn’t a big deal for him to get on a  flight and fly to LA to see me.  Therefore he was either a) in a relationship  b) tying up loose ends or c) busy.  I understand how it is when you travel a lot.  This man owed me nothing.  We met one time and clearly he had a something going on that prevented him from getting together with me.  I didn’t take it personal.  I didn’t write him off completely but I decided to sit back and see what he was going to do.  And finally two weeks later he sent me a text.

Kevin:  Are you in town next week?

Me: I am.  What’s going on?

Kevin:  I’ll be in LA and would love to take you out to dinner.

Me:  That’s cool.  I’m free Wednesday or Thursday.

10 minutes later.

Kevin:  Ticket purchased!  Let’s do dinner on Thursday.

Me:  Sounds like a plan.  See you then. 

Thursday evening arrived and I was ready!  As I zipped up my open toed booties and did a once over in the mirror, I was feeling real good about the overpriced little black dress.  I did I final look in the mirror and said my new dating mantra:

No expectations… Be open… No expectations.. Be open.. Damn you look good!

We decided to meet up at Perch.  That’s a great date spot in Downtown LA.  I took the elevator up and as the doors opened I bumped into one of my colleagues.  Just a side note, isn’t it the most uncomfortable thing to bump into a work colleague when you aren’t in work mode?  I felt exposed.  This was his first time seeing me outside of my usual professional look and instead in my sexy date mode look.

Colleague:  Monique?  Wow!  You look amazing!

Me:  Awww…  Thank you.  I’ll see you in the office tomorrow.

Can we say awkward?  At least I had confirmation that I was looking good though.  I walked into the main part of the restaurant.  “Kevin” wasn’t there yet.  He walked in a 5 minutes later.  And he was just as handsome as I remembered.  He gave me a hug.

Kevin:  Hello there.

Me:  Hey Kevin.  Good to see you again.

Kevin:  You too. 

I subconsciously waited for him to tell me how good I looked.  And not because I am some insecure fool that needs confirmation in order to feel beautiful.  But you know those days when you KNOW you are looking extra good and all eyes are on you.  That’s how I felt (even if it was a figment of my own imagination).  LOL!   We were a good looking pair.  I waited as he pulled my chair out to have a seat.  And still… NOTHING.  Ummm… okay!

arroagnt date

I wouldn’t say conversation. It was more like an hour long monologue. “Kevin” talked about himself the entire night. There were slight pauses where I was able to slip in something about myself and not because he asked.

“Kevin” ordered scotch on the rocks and I ordered my usual glass of Sauvignon Blanc and the conversation ensued.  Actually I wouldn’t say conversation.  It was more like a two hour long monologue.  “Kevin” talked about himself the entire night.  There were slight pauses where I was able to slip in something about myself and not because he asked.  He was arrogant as hell too.  You know those college athletes that never made it on a professional athletic level but still had the remnants of their glory days in college; those guys who probably fucked half the women on campus and were treated like celebrities their entire life.  Although “Kevin” wasn’t a NBA player he looked like one.  So if you’re just some random person in the restaurant you look at him and think that he is somebody.  Hell!  I did when I first met him!  But I was more excited he was a professional guy in the end.

This man could have been out with himself.  He didn’t give me one compliment; he didn’t ask me shit about myself.  And it hit me.  I was out on a blind fucking date!  The date with the guy who was blinded by his own hype he couldn’t see beyond his own reflection.  I was with Narcissus!  At a certain point I tuned him out.  I started doing what I typically did when I was on a boring date.  I started thinking about my grocery list for the week, what gel polish I would try next time I got my nails done, whether or not I wanted to cut my hair back to a short pixie cut.  I didn’t realize I tuned out until Narcissus finally asked me a question.

Kevin:  Did you want another glass of wine or did you want to try some Scotch?

Me:  Oh no thank you.  I’m good. 

Kevin:  You should try it, the first time I tried scotch I wasn’t sure if I was going to like it….

Then another 20 minute monologue followed about his love for Scotch and the various types of scotch.

Narcissus paid the bill and walked me to my car.  He gave me a hug and walked off into the distance.  I got in my car, turned on some Pat Metheny and just shook my head.  He didn’t even realize that he was completely into himself and blinded by his own reflection.   What a damn shame!  I was really looking forward to going out with him.  And then the record screeched to a halt… Why in the hell was I so excited about going out with this guy?  Just because he was fine?  He hadn’t done shit for me to be so damn excited other than being handsome!

And then it hit me, how many times have I been blinded by my own vanity when it came to dating.  If I am honest with myself I have been dating blindly as well.

blind fold

And then it hit me, how many times have I been blinded by my own vanity when it came to dating? If I am honest with myself I have been dating blindly as well.

How many times have I overlooked the nice guy who might not be fine as hell but generally a good guy because I was blinded by my own vanity?  Why didn’t I get just as excited by the guy who proved himself worthy of my excitement outside of being handsome?  Don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying I am going to start dating Trolls.  I know how important it is to be attracted to a man.  I also know how important it is to take a good look at certain features on a man and imagine them on my unborn children.  There are just certain things I will not mix in with my good gene pool.  I am also aware that I will always have a certain amount of vanity.  I am who I am!  However, I recognized I needed to take a long hard look at myself and what excited me about a date.  At this point in my life it had to be more than just being FINE, TALL and have a GREAT body.  I needed to get excited by a man’s actions.  It was at that moment I took off my dating blind fold and made the commitment to myself to date with full clarity and vision.  “Kevin” was my official last “Blind Date.”


Monique K.Bradley

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