Third Time’s The Charm???

frustrated-black-woman (1)

It’s official. I HAVE major issues! MAJOR…Perhaps my tragic flaw was actually a subconscious defense mechanism.

It’s official.  I HAVE major issues!  MAJOR!  After my last insightful post about the Blind Date I am sure some of my loyal followers were thinking…Wow she has really grown.  How reflective… How insightful…  And trust me I was thinking the same thing.  I was ready to date with a new set of eyes and a new perspective.  I was going to go with how I felt and let that feeling guide me and I was going to make sure I kept my consistent tragic flaw a.k.a. Vanity at bay.  Perhaps my tragic flaw was actually a subconscious defense mechanism.

A few weeks ago a colleague of mine were doing our usually joking around about life and dating.

Me:  I doubt you have any eligible friends that I would be interested in.

Colleague:  I know you do have high standards.  Rightfully so,  Let me think about it. 

You see ladies… it’s okay to let people know you are single and looking.  You have to put it out there.  Another colleague of mine who recently got married told me prior to meeting her husband she put it out there that she was single and open to being set up.  She said she let people know and a few months later she was introduced to her now husband and they were inseparable.  She stressed.  You just gotta put it out there.  Why do some single women think that asking people if they have any eligible friends makes them look desperate or like they are unhappy with their life?  That is absolutely not the case.  People never know if you don’t ask.  Anyway… I digressed.

As my colleague was pondering who he might know I made sure to put in my stipulations.  You can never assume men know.

Me:  Now don’t forget I only date BLACK men.  I prefer a man in his 40’s but I am open.  And he has to have his SHIT together!

Suddenly the light bulb clearly went off in my colleague’s head and he smiles as he pointed his finger up in the air.

Colleague:  Actually, I know someone who might be perfect for you.

Me:  Really?  What’s his deal?  Why is he single?

Colleague:  He’s a real cool guy.  He’s divorced, he has a daughter, and he is in animation… And before you start… he is a working animator.  He only works on big budget Hollywood films… And he’s British.

Me:  Really?!

Colleague:  Yeah.  I think this might actually work.  Do you want to see his picture.

Me:  Yeah.  Let me see.

My colleague pulled up his Facebook account. And there was a picture of “Eric.”  He wasn’t bad looking.  And after my last post, I was really making an effort to be open and not be Vain.  After all, the fine men tended to be narcissistic assholes or dogs.  Not all of them but at least the ones I was meeting in recent years.  Besides, not everyone is photogenic.  And he was British.  Anyone who knows me knows I think I was British in a former life!  After spending a semester abroad in London studying Shakespearean theatre my junior year of college I have always been drawn to the UK.  I even considered moving there in recent years.  But I cannot break my addiction to the year round beautiful weather in LA.  I was a junky for Vitamin D, beaches, and palm trees.  So I put those desires to the side.  But the thought of meeting a man who was black and British excited me.  My own personal Idris Elba!  LOL!  So I agreed to allowing my colleague give “Eric” my phone number and decided to be open to the possibility.

A few days later an unfamiliar number flashed across my cell phone.  I had already forgotten that I was supposed to get a phone call from “Eric” and I sent it to voice mail.  You already know I do not answer unknown numbers.  When I checked my voice mail a few hours later I listened to a beautiful British accent.

Hello Monique this is Eric.  Give me a call when you get a chance.

My goodness, I could listen to him read my income taxes!  He had a great voice.  IT was crisp, it was articulate, and it was British!  Woosa!  It was too late to call him back.  So I called him the next day and left him a voicemail.  He sent me a text the a day later.

Hi Monique.  I apologize I didn’t get a chance to call you back.  I’m in the Dominican Republic with my daughter for her spring break.  I’ll call you back when I return.

I really did appreciate his follow through.  I also appreciated that he was in a tropical island with his daughter.  That showed he traveled and he was an involved father.  Really he was hitting the ball out of the park.

Five days later, I found myself sitting on the phone with “Eric” for a good 2 hours!  It was a refreshing conversation and it was effortless.  We talked about the movie business, writing, London, New Jersey.  You name it, we talked about it.  It had been a while since I had a great conversation with a guy.  And did I mention the British accent?!  I’m such a suckers for a British accent!  Well actually, I’m a sucker period!  Before we hung up we made plans to meet for sushi two days later.  I was really looking forward to the date!  I was being open… open… open…

As I walked into Teru Sushi I was a little nervous.  Earlier that day not only did “Eric” confirm our date with a text but he also sent me a Google map of where it was located.  Nice touch… Nice follow through.


The conversation just flowed. Before I knew it the restaurant was closing and the waitress was rushing us.

The hostess knew exactly who I was meeting.  As we walked to the table, there was “Eric” wearing a baseball cap, jeans, a t-shirt, with an unbuttoned-button down plaid shirt.  Ummmmmm…. Okay.  That’s how we are dressing for a first date…a first BLIND date at that.  But my inner diva chimed in…

Don’t judge.  He’s in the movie industry, that’s probably how Steven Spielberg dressed for his first date with Kate Capshaw.

When he stood up to hug me I noticed “Eric” was a little shorter than me.  Granted I was wearing heels and it wasn’t a drastic height difference but it was noticeable.  Once again my inner diva chimed in…

Michelle Obama is slightly taller than Barack and he’s the President.  She makes it work.

“Eric” was quirky.  And he was actual a little nervous which I found endearing.  I didn’t feel all warm and tingly inside.   I didn’t get the butterflies.  But I wasn’t turned off either.  I was just beige.  But just like I predicted the conversation flowed.  We talked about work, our writing, travelling, and even shopping.  I discovered “Eric” likes to go shopping at REI.  I had no idea they even sold clothes considering it was a camping store.  That explained his wardrobe of choice.  But hell, it’s easy to tweak how a man’s wardrobe.  IT’s actually fun.  I had done it before.  IF Jennifer Lopez could turn Ben Affleck into a Hugo Boss/ Armani Clad red carpet fixture I could certainly change “Eric’s” wardrobe…. Eventually.


It’s easy to tweak how a man’s wardrobe. It’s actually fun. I had done it before. I could certainly change “Eric’s” wardrobe…. Eventually.

We talked about his daughter.  He had full custody of her and was committed to being a good father.  That really said a lot about him.  And I appreciate it.  “Eric” had been divorced for the last 7 years and only had one serious relationship since the divorce.  The conversation just flowed.  Before I knew it the restaurant was closing and the waitress was rushing us.  “Eric” walked me out to my ar.  WE were parked next to each other.  He gave me a hug.  Although it was a little awkward because I didn’t realize he was trying to kiss me so h went for a kiss and I went for a hug.  Like I said, he’s a little quirky.  He got into his Hyundai.  We made plans to see each other later on that same week.

After the date I was feeling a little indifferent.  I wasn’t completely sold on him.  Yes we had great conversation, but I wasn’t sure if I was feeling him.  But I have heard so many stories about women who weren’t initially into their husbands but the guy grew on them eventually and they fell in love.

Does that shit really happen?  Or am I too vain to find out.  Am I unintentionally pushing the good guys away?  Am I not giving these men a chance?  Is it really possible to fall in love with a guy who you’re lukewarm in the beginning?  Can that eventually turn into a hot passionate love affair?  I made a conscious choice to really give this guy a chance.  It’s not often you go out with someone and you can have a great conversation with and a British accent.  I typically give a guy a second date before I make a final decision.  Maybe I Was being too hasty.  So I decided to give “Eric” at least 3 dates maybe even 4.  I was going to give this a fair shot.  They say the 3rd time’s the charm.  I was going to test out this theory…

To Be Continued…

Monique K.Bradley



I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+        

7 replies
  1. Jay
    Jay says:

    Wow! That was quite an experience.

    It’s cool that you’re giving him another shot.

    Like they say, “You never know what can happen” right?


Leave a Reply

Want to join the discussion?
Feel free to contribute!

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *