Third Time’s The Charm????? Part 2


I’m 36 years old. Maybe it’s unrealistic to expect to have the butterflies and all that shit. I need to be practical.

Date One with “Eric” was done and like I said I was committing to give him at least three dates.  I recognize I am always VERY quick to move on and I needed to give these men a chance.  Besides, the conversation with “Eric” was refreshing.  I wasn’t sure if it was his British accent or the actual conversation but either way, I enjoyed his company.

Date #2-

We went to a trendy burger spot in Hollywood.  I purposefully dressed down.  I wore a pair of jeans, a black tank top, and lower heels.  When I walked into the restaurant I spotted him right away.  He dressed up a little but more from the last date.  He had on a sweater, a trendy scarf and jeans.  Instead of a baseball cap he wore a Ben Hogan cap.  Clearly he had a thing for hats.  LOL!  At one point during the date I asked him to take off his hat.  I just had to make sure he didn’t have some sort of weird growth that he was hiding.  Luckily he had a normal shaped head.  As usual the conversation flowed.  But again, I didn’t have the butterflies.  I didn’t have the warm and tingly feeling.  I enjoyed his company but I didn’t have the nervous/ feeling of excitement I usually get.  Perhaps that’s an unrealistic expectation.  He walked me to the car.  And I could tell he wanted to kiss me but he gave me a hug.  I could respect the idea that he was being respectable.  After our date I was meeting some friends of mine at The Dime.  It was just what the doctor ordered.  As I drove to meet them I found myself getting mad.  Mad at MYSELF!

What is wrong with you?  Why aren’t you feeling this guy?!  He’s nice, you can talk to him, and he’s British for God’s sake!  What is wrong with you?

When I found my friends in the corner it was a relief to get out and dance and act a fool with my inner circle of friends.  When you’re beating up on yourself there’s nothing like surrounding yourself around the people who love you unconditionally with all of your quirks and idiosyncrasies!    One of my guy friends walked me to my car.  He and I had been friends for the last decade (he’s happily married to a wonderful woman and they are expecting their first child so he is TRULY a great friend… like a brother).  He has been with me through te ups and downs of my various relationships and dating experiences. SO he always likes to ask how things are going.

Guy Friend:  So, how the dating scene.  Have you met anyone interesting?

Me:  Yeah.  I actually came out here after a date.

Guy Friend:  Word?!  When are we meeting this guy?

Me:  I have to figure out if I really like him or not.

Guy Friend:  What do you mean?

ME:  I’m just not sure if I’m feeling him.  He’s a nice guy but I just don’t know.

Guy Friend:  How many dates?

Me:  This was our second date.

Guy Friend:  And you’re still not sure if you are feeling him?

ME:  Not yet.  I’m just taking my time.

Guy Friend:  Don’t force it.  If it’s not there it’s not there.

Me:  I know.  But I’m beginning to think it’s me.   Maybe I have the problem.  This guy is smart, successful, nice, easy to talk to, and well-traveled.

Guy Friend:  But Monique, if it’s not there it’s not there.  Don’t settle.

Me:  I’m 36 years old.  Maybe it’s unrealistic to expect to have the butterflies and all that shit.  I need to be practical.

Guy Friend:  I hear you.  You definitely need to be practical but you also can’t force yourself to feel something that isn’t there. 

Me:  You’re right.  I’m gong to give it another date and see what happens.  I hear those stories about couples who weren’t feeling each other in the beginning but they eventually fall deeply in love.

My guy friend leaned his head over to the side and had a few seconds of deep thought.  Or perhaps he was looking at a crazy person… Aka ME!  LOL!  I don’t know.  Either way he gave me one of those long “I’m trying to tell you” stares.

Guy Friend:   Ooookay….

Date #3-

* Can we take a moment of silence and acknowledge that I actually made it to a 3rd date?!  I mean seriously.  I don’t do 3rd dates often.  That’s is either major growth for me or perhaps “Eric” was making an impression.  There I go digressing!  LOL! 

A week went by and I was wrestling with myself internally about this.  Seriously, I was really spending too much time thinking about it and being mad at myself for not feeling it.  But I was committed to the 3 dates.  We made plans to go out that evening.  But Sundays are my ME day.  I usually go to the Farmer’s Market and get my flowers for the week, go to church, do my grocery shopping and make myself a nice meal to start off my week.  As I was marinating my chicken for my rosemary chicken dish and having a glass of wine, “Eric” called.  I was so relaxed and really not in the mood to go anywhere.  But I had committed to going out with him.  When he asked me what I wanted to do I decided to  invite him over for an evening of Ratchet TV aka Real Housewives of Atlanta, Married to Medicine and Fashion Queens.  I wasn’t about to miss my Sunday evening programming!  I’m a lot like men and sports with my reality TV.  It’s just not the same watching it a day later even though I have DVR.  I need instinct gratification!  Anyway I digressed.


do I decided to invite him over for an evening of Ratchet TV aka Real Housewives of Atlanta, Married to Medicine and Fashion Queens. I wasn’t about to miss my Sunday evening programming!

He actually agreed.  That says a lot about him.  And it was a good thing!  Men, just like you want you woman to watch sports, women want a man who can watch ratchet TV and not comment on how ignorant it is.   I threw on a pair of jeans, a tank top, and flip-flops.  This should be the tell-tale sign.  If I still wasn’t into “Eric” after this date at least I could say I tried.  Since he had been such a gentleman up to this point I Wasn’t worried about him trying to get too frisky at my house.  When I opened the door there he was.  And I still did not have that feeling of excitement or butterflies.  I was still feeling beige.  I took a deep breath and decided to try to enjoy the evening.  We watched TV.  I explained each character on The Real Housewives of Atlanta.  And we watched the hair drag seen all over the world, when Porscha Williams grabbed Kenya Moore by the hair and dragged her across the stage during the reunion.  He laughed, he thought it was ignorant.  But he didn’t judge my TV viewing choice, he enjoyed the dinner, and he didn’t try anything.  I mean, not even a touch on the leg, a pat on the shoulder.  I know I wanted him to be a gentleman but damn…. Can we show some type of affection?  LOL!

The end of the evening came.  I walked him to the door.  And that’s when it happened.  The kiss.  There we stood under the moonlight and the stars.  It was a perfect California evening.  He leaned over, I closed my eyes… And he gave me the sweetest… PECK!  Ummmmm… Really?  A peck followed by another series of pecks!  Ummmm…. not feeling it…  Is this a British thing?  I wasn’t looking for some type of pornographic kiss.  But the 1st kiss tells you everything you need to know.


I wasn’t look for some type of pornographic kiss. But the 1st kiss tells you everything you need to know. And if I wasn’t feeling butterflies before this, any flutter that could have possibly happened died.

And if I wasn’t feeling butterflies before this, any flutter that could have possibly happened died.  I walked inside and closed the door and tilted my head to the side completely perplexed.  What’s wrong with us women?  WE complain when a man is too forward, too sexual, too blunt, and now here was a gentleman and I was still complaining!  Perhaps I would never be satisfied.  I was having another wrestling match with myself.

What should I do?  Do I keep going out with him and hope that things will grow or cut my loses short?  I eventually need to learn how to give a man a chance.  So I decided to go on another date.  Yes we are now up to date number 4!


Monique K.Bradley



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4 replies
  1. Jay
    Jay says:

    This is really interesting, especially the dynamic of gentleman vs man who’s too forward.

    I honestly can’t say how you’re feeling, but it seems (based solely one what you’ve shared) that you are not into this guy.

    What do you thin is urging you to continue going out with him?

    Honestly, the question I’m most interested in your answer to is this:

    If you had other dating options would you continue going out with “Eric”?

    • Monique K
      Monique K says:

      I have other dating options but I think I was really trying to put the time in because I am so quick to run away and not give a guy a chance. So I wanted to give him a fair shot. Does that make sense? Probably not. He’s a good person and thought maybe with time my attraction would grow.

      • Jay
        Jay says:

        Yes, that makes sense. It sounds like you’re trying something new, instead of reverting back to the norm.

        If that’s the case, I definitely commend that.

        However, balance is the key. Once you know you aren’t really interested in him, it’d likely be best to let me know so you both can seek other options. You know?

        Thanks a lot for answering my questions. I truly appreciate that.


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