Third Time’s The Charm???- The Conclusion
I must admit I was actually proud of myself for giving “Eric” another chance this was growth for me, MAJOR growth. I was exhausting all possibilities. But when I closed my eyes and thought of that kiss… I was still not turned on. I don’t care what anyone says. The first kiss says it all. Hell, the first anything says it all. I do not subscribe to that bullshit methodology that lots of times the first kiss… or anything else is awkward. Ummmm… the devil is a liar! If the first time for anything isn’t enjoyable and there are no sparks that means your chemistry with the person is off. IF a first kiss was awkward I was certainly not even going to take a chance and figure if the first anything else would be just as awkward and uneventful. Anyway I digressed… my point is I was still trying to be open. So I decided to give it another date. Maybe, just maybe the sparks would fly.
We did the traditional dinner and a movie. I was actually annoyed with him. I was already on the fence about him. And he had the audacity to show up 27 minutes late! I was pissed! I was actually about to leave when he finally showed up. HE apologized profusely and said it had something to do with his daughter. You can’t cuss someone out for being late when it had something to do with their children. So I let it slide and put my attitude in check.
It was interesting because I typically stay away from movie dates for the first few dates. A first date movie date is the worse. How in the hell are you supposed to get to know anyone while watching a movie when you can’t talk?! However this was a fourth date. I guess this was what people do after a few dates. And we had the best conversation over dinner. “Eric” had definitely loosened up. When we walked to the restaurant he insisted he walked on the outside of me closer to the street side. He made sure my hand didn’t touch a door. HE held my hand. I tried to ignore how awkward it felt to hold a guy’s hand that was shorter than me. Like I always say, Michelle Obama has mastered the art of being taller than her hubby and she looks like she is doing just fine. When we got to the movies I went to pay for our tickets “Eric” being the gentleman he was refused to let me and said he had already gotten the tickets ahead of time. I figured it was the least I could do. We had now been out on four dates and I thought it was only fair to reach in my pocket for something. For all you nosey men out there reading this blog… you see, women do not mind paying for things. But during the first few dates it shouldn’t even cross your mind. You should be the man and handle that! Trust me we will reach into our pockets and pay for something. Where the issue comes in is when a man EXPECTS a woman to court THEM and pay for THEIR dates. So I snuck to the concession stand and bought popcorn, snacks, drinks etc. before he had a chance to pay for it. He looked shocked. We proceeded to the movie theatre and right before the movie started he reached over to give a kiss. And again, it was another one of those long lingering pecks. URGH!!! What the fuck?! After the movie he walked me to my car and gave me another tired ass lingering peck.
At this point I decided it was a wrap. I just couldn’t do it anymore. I was NOT attracted to this man in a romantic way at ALL! He was a nice guy and I enjoyed our time together as friends. But that was it. I thought maybe, just maybe, my attraction would grow. But we had now gone on 4 dates… 4 dates and nothing. And the kiss was just not there. I admit I am an overly passionate person. I get that, I acknowledge that, so I know the man that lands me is going to have a passion drive that is above average. I need a man that will know how to be a Conqueror and conquer me and have his way! Oh my… That is TMI. But you get my drift! Now that we had been on four dates, I could tell that “Eric” was digging me more. He was texting more and calling more. Why oh why can’t this happen with the guys you’re really into and attracted to? WHY?
Normally I would fade off into the sunset and the guy would get the hint that I was just not into him and eventually stop calling me. But since “Eric” was a good person and we had been out on several dates. I knew I had to actually have a conversation with him and break it off. OH God! Why did being a mature person require so much energy?!
The next evening “Eric” called me.
Eric: I had such a great time with you last night.
Me: I’m glad you enjoyed yourself.
Eric: You know my birthday is coming up.
Oh fuck! I forgot he had a birthday coming up in the next 3 days. I didn’t feel right having the “Let’s just be friends,” conversation now that he had brought up his birthday.
Me: What do you have planned for your birthday?
Eric: I would like to spend it with you.
Oh fuck, fuck, fuck, fuck! FUCK!!!! We were now about to head on to date number 5. And how do you turn someone down for their birthday? FUCK.
Three days later I was sitting across from “Eric” for his birthday. I got him a leather sketch pad for his drawings. I wanted to make sure he had a special birthday. When we finished dinner. I pretended to go to the bathroom and flagged down the waiter and paid for dinner. I knew he would ultimately fight me over paying for the bill. And there was no way I would feel comfortable letting him pay for his birthday dinner. He walked me outside and luckily the stars were aligned. The valet already had my car ready with the door open and there was a long line of folks behind me! Thank you Jesus. I wouldn’t have to endure those lingering pecks that he thought was a passionate kiss. I quickly gave him a hug and jumped into the car under the guise of not wanting people to start honking because I was taking too long.
I knew I had to have the conversation with him and I had to do it quick. Because if I went out with him again with the way I was feeling about him I knew for a fact I was going to be a BITCH. I know this was a defense mechanism I used in the past. I would be a bitch to push the guy away so he would no longer be interested in me and I wouldn’t have to endure having to give the “Let’s be friends speech.”
But I had grown and I knew it was the inevitable and because I a) wanted us to be friends and b) worked with one of his close friend’s I knew I wouldn’t; be able to resort to my usual childish antics. I was going to have to be a grown ass woman and be honest with him. I was heading off to New York for work and he wanted to see me before I left. I blew him off and told him work got too crazy before the trip and I would call him once I got to New York.
Once I checked into the hotel and showered. I ordered room service, had a glass of wine, took a deep breath and dialed “Eric’s” number.
Eric: Well hello there.
Me: Hey Eric. How’s it going?
Eric: Good. We need to make each other a promise moving forward.
Me: What’s that?
Eric: When either one of us go out of town. We need to make it a point to see each other.
I took a long swig of my wine and went for my prepared speech.
Me: Eric, I think you’re such a great guy. And I have to be honest, it’s been a long time since I have gone out with someone consistently so that definitely says a lot about who you are. But I am not feeling the connection I need I’m not sure if it’s because my schedule has been so busy lately and I have had a lot of travel too.
Now I know that was bullshit, but I didn’t want to be a total asshole.
Eric: (long pause) I see. I was actually planning on seeing you and having this conversation with you when you returned. Because I could tell you were pulling away.
Me: I’m really sorry.
Eric: There’s no need to apologize. I think a part of you is scared.
Chile please! There ain’t nothing I am scared of. But again, I wanted to make this as easy as possible.
Me: Yeah, you’re probably right. But I do not you to just disappear. But I think we should work on our friendship and instead.
Eric: I think that’s a good idea. We can take the pressure off of each other by taking out the relationship element.
Me: I agree.
Eric: I was feeling the same way too. And I wasn’t understanding why. We were both feeling the same way. I think it’s my fault because I have been hesitant and wasn’t giving you the proper chance.
Now I knew this was bullshit. But I ran with it.
Me: I could tell you were holding back and I am so glad we had this discussion.
We talked a little bit more. But you know how awkward a conversation is after you have essentially told someone you are NOT feeling them. We eventually got off the phone and I felt like a weight had been lifted off of my shoulders.
I was proud of myself because I had officially stepped out of my comfort zone. I gave a guy a real chance that wasn’t necessarily my type. I was honest with him and did the adult thing by communicating with him how I was feeling. And I acknowledged my feelings and didn’t allow myself to go down a road of dating someone and forcing it. That wasn’t fair to him and it certainly would not be fair to me.
At the end of the day, you have to go with your gut. And if you’re not feeling someone you can’t force it. And most importantly you just can’t settle. I am sure “Eric” and I will be great friends one day. But some men are just that… A great friend and you can’t fit a square peg into a round hole.