I Want… I Need… It Would Be Nice to Have
I am about to go there. I am about to confess something that most single, independent women, in their 30’s and up will never say out loud because some woman somewhere in the world made these statements taboo for single women. More than likely this is a woman who either never really had to date as a grown women in her 30’s and up. More than likely she met her husband in college and got married shortly after graduation and has watched dating from an audience perspective and hasn’t really lived it. OR it is a woman who is in a relationship or newly married and has what I call Newlywed amnesia and forgot about the game called dating. OR it is a woman who is extremely bitter and in the process of a divorce or a bad breakup and is at the anger stage. OR is a women who has read A LOT of Marianne Williamson books (who by the way is one of my favorite authors) and is taking some of what she said out of context. But I feel the need to break this stigma. It is okay to say…
I want… A Man…
I need… A Man…
It would be nice to have… A Man.
Oh shit! Let me take a moment to pause for all the cynics, all the female feminists. Go ahead, throw apples, oranges, bananas or whatever you need to throw at the screen right now. But let me break this down so you can fully understand what I am trying to say. You can choose to agree, disagree, but I am just being real. I get so tired of women lying to themselves about the desires of their heart because of the fear of how it sounds. The fear they sound like weak women who can’t take care of themselves. The fear of looking desperate or even the fear of coming off as a woman who is too needy. There is nothing wrong with admitting to yourself your desires when it comes to men, relationships, and dating.
I WANT A MAN…
Being single is fun. You can come and go as you please. You can sleep in the middle of your bed; you have control of the remote control. The best part about being single, when you really are truly happy is dating Yourself. What I did in the past was try out new recipes. I would make dinners as if I was in a relationship to practice for the real thing. I would make sure I took myself out on dates. Not with a big group of girlfriends just you by yourself. Even if it’s going to your favorite neighborhood bar or coffee shop after work and sitting by yourself. Or you can even go bigger than that. I once took myself on a trip to Hawaii. Yes I did! All by myself! I would wake up in the morning, mediate and journal by the ocean. I would sit by the pool most of the day reading Fifty Shades of Grey (don’t judge but I think I read all three books during that vacation). In the evening I would take myself out to a fabulous dinner. Or go to the spa. It was so freeing. I say all this to say, that as much as I enjoyed being single I still recognized I had to get out there. Sitting at home on my couch thinking that I would meet someone was just plain silly. Making the excuse that you don’t want a relationship because you are focused on your career is a defense mechanism if you are 35+. One of my favorite phrases is “In addition to…” Admitting you want a relationship does not translate to meaning you do not like your life, or you are not happy with where you are. It’s simply saying out loud that you are looking forward to a partner that you can share your life with. It doesn’t make you a weak co-dependent woman!
I also understand the importance of making sure you get with the right person. When I walk into my home it is peaceful, the energy is calm, and it is my oasis. I currently have an amazing life and I recognize that anyone I allow to come into my life has to enhance it. I couldn’t be in a situation where I allow someone to disrupt the beauty of my life and the calm of my home. So saying you want a man doesn’t mean you are settling for some bullshit and will take anything that comes just to say you have a man. It is simply acknowledging that you are at a point in your life where you have worked on yourself, you have acknowledged where you are, you are very clear on your negotiables and your non-negotaibles, and you WANT someone in your life that you two can come together and build a life as partners, lovers, friends, confidants, etc.
Admitting out loud that you want a man doesn’t make you desperate. It also doesn’t mean that’s all you want out of life. Don’t forget my catch phrase… “IN ADDITION TO… I believe it puts the wheels in motion.
I NEED A MAN…
This one will probably send some women over the edge. And before you call Oprah on me and get me kicked out of the Intelligent Independent Spiritual Woman movement. Once again let me explain. Let’s face it… There are some things that you need a man for. There are no ifs, ands, or buts about it. You know I do not go into detail about my personal sex life. Because it’s really none of anyone’s business and there is a certain line that even this blog won’t cross. But I get so sick and tired of women talking about their battery operated devices. If that’s your thing, that’s your thing. I know Kandi Buress from Real Housewives of Atlanta fame has made a lucrative business out of selling Bedroom Kandi products. And hey, if that’s your thing, that’s your thing. But battery operated devices can’t kiss you back, battery operated devices can’t hold you at night in their nook, battery operated devices can’t give you pillow talk. There are certain things you need a man for. That’s just a fact! And you can pretend that your battery operated devices are doing the trick, but if you had a choice between a battery operated device and a real man what would you choose?
I happen to have an office with a balcony (one of the benefits of hard work paying off). Last week while on a conference call a Raven flew onto the balcony with a dead squirrel in its mouth. The damn thing was tearing into it like it was his last supper. I banged on the window to try to get it to go away and it kind of looked up at me and rolled its eyes and continued feasting on this dead squirrel. I was disgusted. I went out to my office freaked out and two of my male colleagues went onto the balcony and shooed the Raven away. Then one of the male custodians came and cleaned up the bloody mess that was left behind. Yes, a woman could have done the same thing. But there are certain things that you just gotta admit you need a man for.
When I need to move around heavy furniture, or have things done around my house. I NEED A MAN. Yes I said it, I ain’t taking it back! I’m not ashamed to say it out loud. Notice I am not saying my life isn’t complete without a man. I am not saying I need a man to survive. But what I am saying is there are certain things in life you NEED a man for. Is that a bad thing to admit? Ummm no! I have a feeling men like to feel needed. Perhaps us modern women have been so used to trying to do it all on our own and be Superwoman we forgot that men have feelings. And it’s okay to make them feel needed. To stroke their egos. To allow them to rescue you every once in awhile. Once again, I am not saying you need a man to be complete. This post is for women who are whole and ready for a relationship.
IT WOULD BE NICE TO HAVE A MAN….
I am not suggesting your world should revolve around a man or finding a man. But I think women have stopped being vulnerable and open. Some of us have put up a brick wall around our hearts and our emotions to prevent ourselves from being hurt. Some of us have major defense mechanisms up. Understandably so! You reach a point where you get tired of hurt after hurt and disappointment after disappointment. You get tired to getting excited and hopeful only to find out a few weeks in that the man you were excited about isn’t who you thought he was. It fucking sucks! However, just because you have been hurt in the past (we all have) doesn’t mean you shut yourself down. It doesn’t mean you LIE to yourself and do not admit it would be nice to have a man in your life. There is something so nice when you meet the right man for you and have the chance to experience falling in love, being adored, and meeting YOUR man. There is something so nice about that last call of the day.. Meeting the man that gives you butterflies.. meeting a man who supports you in your dreams… meeting a man who is honest about who he is and what he is looking for… meeting a man who isn’t afraid to shout on top of a mountain THIS IS MY WOMAN… Meeting a man whose touch calms you and makes you feel safe… meeting a man who will protect you and your heart… We are not meant to go through this world alone.
Ladies- it’s okay to admit your desire for a relationship. It doesn’t make you weak, desperate, or needy. It doesn’t mean that your life is not full. It doesn’t mean that you’re not independent. All I ask is that you are honest with yourself about what you need and remove the worry of what it sounds like. Once again I am not saying your life isn’t complete without a man, or your life has no meaning without a man, or you can’t function without a man, or you need a man to be successful in life. Please do not get confused with the message. I am talking about when you are truly whole and in a place in your life where you can receive the right relationship because you have done the work on yourself. Once you reach that point in life it is okay to say I Want… I Need… It would be nice to have… Manifest your desires!