I recognize it has been a long ass time since I brought you tales from my dating foolery. I wish I could say it was only due to the site revamp. But then I would be lying and you all know how I feel about giving you the Tea the whole Tea and nothing but the Tea. The first half of my year was quite interesting in terms of dating. I met the King of the Fools also known as The Great Pretender! But I will wait to give you that story a little later. It was certainly a dating doozey! However I recognize I have left you all high and dry and that ain’t right. But hey… I’m human! LOL! It’s not about how you fall but how you get back up! And I’m baaaaaaaccccckkkkk!!!!
A little over a year ago I made the switch to Equinox Gym. I had no intention of paying $200 for a gym membership. I mean seriously… that’s ridiculous! I was already a member at 24 Hour Fitness. I wasn’t really feeling the gym. It was kind of dirty, the folks there were weird, the spin classes weren’t that great and didn’t have the right pedals for my spin shoes, and to be honest I wasn’t really seeing the results I wanted (first world problems). But I appreciated the $27/month membership fee. However, when I got an Equinox one week trial membership my ass decided to take advantage of a good deal. After all, I wasn’t about to spend a shit load of money of an expensive gym membership. Who the fuck does that?! But when I found myself pulling up to the gym and saw the valet parking I immediately knew I was in a different league. I went to the spin class and it was an outer body experience. The music was poppin’, the energy was off the charts, and I felt rejuvenated after my workout. I knew I burned at least 1500 calories in 50 minutes which is exactly what I needed to shed those last 5 pounds I was trying to lose. And to top it all off they had chilled eucalyptus towels to wipe your face after the workout! This was what I would call gym heaven. After my one week trial membership I really made an effort to enjoy 24 Hour Fitness but I couldn’t shake the feeling that it felt like Good Times. This was no longer where I wanted to workout. I had experienced the good life and I didn’t want to go back to the hood of gyms! So against my own budget I went ahead and joined Equinox. What can I say; I am a sucker for luxury! And I reasoned with myself… “Obviously the men that go to this gym are in a different league. A broke ass isn’t spending $200 on a gym membership… You’re in your late 30’s and in order to have a bangin’ body you have to spend money… If you break it down and go 3 days a week it’s comparable to $15 per spin class which is less than you were spending at Barry’s Boot Camp and Cardio Barre.” I know I’m not the only person who tries to justify a splurge!
Now let me be very clear. I do not like to be picked up at the gym. My gym time is sacred. When I am in the midst of cardio the last thing I need is a man coming up to me trying to holler. It is a straight up violation. However, if I see something I like then I might do my toning in the same vicinity. Not to mention, Equinox is THE place to be in LA. The who’s who is there and it’s just refreshing to work out there. It’s a whole different level of a gym. I mean seriously there are Kheiel’s products in the locker room. Okay… that’s the end of my free advertising for Equinox! LOL!
A few weeks ago I had a summer Friday from work. I normally go to my spin classes in the evenings but on this particular day I went in the afternoon and decided to switch it up and do my cardio on the Elliptical machine. As I was going hard listening to ratchet music and sweating my ass off an extremely attractive man walked in. “Eli” was tall, chocolate, and had a VERY nice body. Damn! I was impressed. He saw me and gave me the head nod and a smile. And I flashed my pearly whites right back at him. Side note… ladies, you really need to start smiling more. I have heard so many men complain about women walking by them and not even acknowledging them. In particular my sistas! You can’t complain about there not being good men out there and you don’t even take the time to acknowledge them when they are right in front of you. I’ve become more conscious of being more approachable and just smiling and acknowledging brothas when I see them. Well acknowledging men in general. I don’t know about you all. But a part of me is somewhat shy. I know… pause for reaction. But seriously sometimes, when I am really attracted to a guy I go into shy mode and get nervous. Shocker!
When I finished my cardio, I decided to do my arm and ab work in his peripheral vision. I might be shy… But a bitch knows how to position herself to be seen! LOL! I can’t take myself sometimes. I noticed him checking me out. And although I was struggling with the weights I was trying to act like I had it going on. I knew my arms were going to suffer the next day from my gym foolery. As I put up the weights he said Hello and I said Hi back. And then I headed to the locker room, washed my face and put on some lip gloss. As I headed out of gym “Eli” stopped me:
Eli: Great workout.
Me: Not too bad yourself. By the way…. You look so familiar. I apologize if I kept staring but I’m trying to place where I’ve met you before.
Now this was total bullshit. I had never seen this man in my life. As a matter of fact if a guy used a shitty pick up line on me like that I would have given him major side eye. But after my last dating experience with The Great Pretender (post coming soon). I was making a conscious effort to be open after that dating disaster. I had spent the first few months of the year passing up some potential good guys because I was dealing with an ass! So if that meant using a corny ass pick up line… So be it. But to my surprise:
Eli: You actually look familiar too.
Ummm… Really? I wasn’t expecting that response. More and more people are familiar with my blog, which is a good thing. But when you’re trying to hit on a guy you don’t wasn’t that to be the first thing he knows about you. His name sounded familiar but I couldn’t place the face.
Me: I do… I mean… Umm… Really? Where are you from?
Eli: Born and raised here in Cali. How about you?
I will try not to hold that against him. LOL!
Me: I’m a Jersey girl but I’ve lived here for the last 15 years. I moved here shortly after I graduated from college.
Eli: Where did you go?
When I told him my Alma Matter he paused and a big smile came across his face.
Eli: Me too!
Me: No way… really?
Although he graduated a significant amount of years before me, whenever I ran into anyone who went to my Alma Matter there is an instant love. Like we say… We don’t shake hands we hug! We exchanged numbers and made plan to meet up for drinks the next night. Prior to meeting up “Eli” gave me a call and we were on the phone for hours. We talked politics, relationships, and divorce. “Eli” was divorced as well. I was looking forward to our date the next evening. I figured it the convo was this good over the phone then it would be even better in person. He suggested one of my favorite LA restaurants for the date. Le Petit Four and even decided to bring a bottle of Pinot Noir we had been talking about over the phone that he wanted me to try. Okay was feeling this, cultured, well-traveled, and he knew about wines. Really?! It had been a while since I was actually looking forward to a date especially since I had been in shut down mode for the last few weeks. This was a welcome change to my mood. I even decided to wear a new dress that had the tags on it for weeks. Fuck it why not?!
So when I arrived at the restaurant and was greeted by “Eli” wearing a baseball cap, sweatpants, and a sweatshirt I was thrown off. WTF? This is not indicative of a graduate from the HBCU I attended. Really? And it was Le Petit Four… we weren’t at Burger King! My inner loving diva went into calming mode.
Okay Monique… Calm your ass down. Watch your non verbals and don’t be a vain asshole.
So we began talking. And the conversation was easy flowing. The Pinot Noir he brought was excellent. IT was from the Willamette Valley in Oregon. His good taste in wine made it easy for me to dismiss that he was dressed like a bus boy for our date. The conversation was going well until we started talking about relationship pet peeves. And that’s when “Eli’s” true color came out.
Eli: I’m the type of guy that doesn’t believe in giving compliments. A woman should know that if she’s with me she looks good. I don’t need to tell her that. She should already know. I don’t have time to feed into insecurities… I don’t mess with these young girls. They aren’t ready for this. I would mess up their lives because they wouldn’t meet anyone else like me and would compare these young cats to me…I know a lot of athletes so I’m hip to the game. That’s why I don’t even like valet parking at parties, I don’t need thirsty broads to see my whip and then try to jock… I’m the type if I get pissed off, I’ll just stop talking to you and you won’t have a clue why until I’m ready to say something…”
The more he talked the more I was turned off. Even my second glass of Pinot Noir didn’t help my annoyance. That explained why he didn’t even bother getting half way decent for the date. In his mind he didn’t have to. He was the catch. I also realized, he was an Entourage Dude. This was typical of a lot of guys who are from LA. Because they hang out with athletes they begin to try emulate them. They workout so they have the build of an athlete (hence his great body. Hell I thought he could have been retired NFL), they start to have the swagger of athletes, wear the same kind of flashy jewelry, and frequent all the hot spots where they go. They are usually part of the Entourage that comes into spots with the athletes and get the leftover girls at the clubs who the athletes don’t want. I knew the game. I had seen it often back in my partying days in my 20’s. These men typically don’t have shit and in order to make up for the fact that they are inadequate; they would typically make the women they date feel insecure in order to hype themselves up. And maybe I was jumping the gun on this one. But by the time he paid the bill I knew I would never go out with him again or call him. It’s not like he did anything completely awful. But I was at a point in my dating life where I knew when shit wasn’t going to work out and I was no longer trying to fit a square pg into a round hole.
The next night I was meeting up with some friends for drinks. And that’s when it hit me! That’s when I had my déjà vu moment. But no it couldn’t be… When my one friend walked in that’s when I put two and two together.
Me: What is the name of that guy you dated way back in the day? Like 12 years ago? It wasn’t Eli was it?
Girlfriend: Yes! That was that fools name. Why?
So I told her about meeting him and we had a good laugh about it. I vaguely remembered when she was dating him, but when she walked in the light bulb went on and I put 2 and 2 together. Obviously she didn’t end up with him for a reason. She was now happily married to a great guy. She rolled her eyes and blew it off. And I am sure she said a prayer thanking God for giving her patience to wait on the right guy.
Although we were able to laugh it off. I have to admit I had a freak out moment. What if I had gone out with “Eli” and really enjoyed his company? What if he had showed up looking dapper and the conversation was on point? What if he swept me off my feet and weeks later I had the déjà vu moment? What the hell would I have done? There is a certain thing called Girl Code. And although my friend is happily married I still would have never felt comfortable dating a guy who once went out with one of my girlfriends. That’s violation number 1 of Girl Code. Luckily I wouldn’t have to worry about that. But I realized I know A LOT of people in LA. Hell… I know a lot of people all over. Whereas most people have 6 degrees of separation I literally have 2! It makes for a great social life and wonderful friends. But what happens as your circles get larger and because of that your dating pool of men get smaller. What was the universe trying to tell me? Déjà vu or no dating pool? I guess I need to stop worrying about the what if’s and focus on the now. That bridge has not been crossed so no need to create a large body of water that doesn’t exist. Go figure… the story of my life!