The Return of the Randoms
This week is the official kick off week for the Holiday season!!! In two days I will be stuffing my face like my name is Precious and I am running away with a bucket of fried chicken. Being a woman who is in my 30’s I have to be very disciplined when it goes to diet and exercising. I try to stick to a strict no carbs, no sugar, and no dairy diet during the week and then I allow myself one cheat day. And when I say no sugar that excludes wine, I ain’t trying to have a completely miserable life! #ilovemywine And I also stay in the gym. I’m no longer in my 20’s where I could eat whatever the hell I wanted and be okay. In my 30’s I have to stay strict. AND I live in Los Angeles. Unlike most states in the south where being on the thick side is sexy, in LA you won’t have a chance in hell walking around looking “thick.” It just ain’t cute. In LA there is a different standard of what your body is supposed to look like. Again, that’s the exchange for the fabulous year round weather. Oh boy… there I go digressing already! See what happens when I don’t write posts regularly! I promise I will do better in 2016. Anyway, my point is I look forward to Thanksgiving more so than normal because I get to indulge in all the food I deprive myself of.
As you are stuffing your hand up a turkey’s ass and running out to the store to get some of Patti LaBelle’s sweet potato pie, I can guarantee you will get a text or phone call from a Random fool who you haven’t heard from in weeks, months. This week begins not only the holiday season but the season of the Return of the Randoms. “What is a Random” some may ask… Well, let me break it down for you. There are several ways to categorize a Random:
Random Guy #1
You went out once or twice, had a great date, but you never heard from him again. He literally disappears into thin air. You thought you had a great date and there was a connection. You even might have sent him a few random texts, only to get vague response hours later. And you aren’t going to play yourself, especially for some Random guy you only went out with once or twice. So you make the wise choice to preserve your dignity and never reach out to his ass again. You might even delete his number.
Random Guy #2
I would classify as a “Bugaboo” or a “nice guy who doesn’t have a chance in hell” you have no intention of dating him seriously, but he will reach out to you every once in a while to see how you’re doing. He’s a great person but you’re just not attracted to him. And every time you try to respond to him in friendship mode, he ultimately tries to weasel his way out of friend mode, so you decide to keep a safe distance so you don’t hurt his feelings. This is the Random that thinks that one day if you’re single long enough you will eventually decide to give him play because you have run out of options. But little does he know, even if you exhausted all options he still wouldn’t have a chance in hell. And you feel really bad about it because he really is “a nice guy.” But you really just do not have that connection with him.
Random Guy #3
This is the ex boyfriend who you didn’t necessarily end on bad terms, but he will reach out every so often to sniff out if you are in a serious relationship, and if he has a chance to make things right with you. You have moved on and have absolutely no interest. For me personally, I do not have many interactions with this category of a Random. When I’m done with your ass I am DONE. I move the fuck on and you do not get the privilege of my friendship. If we were such great friends to begin with we would still be in a relationship. But I do realize that some of my loyal readers are sappy (no shade… LOL!) And will still entertain and communicate with ex-boyfriends. Hey, if you like it, I love it.
Random Guy #4
This guy is the anti-thesis of Random Guy #3. He’s an ex that did you DIRTY! You spent sleepless nights crying over his ass, putting up with his shit, and hoping and praying that he would be the man you needed him to be. Ladies, it’s okay to admit you have been hurt before and have cried over a man. That doesn’t make you some weak ass woman. It makes you human! We have all been vulnerable at some point in our lives and we have all been hurt. On a side note, I can’t stand women that have this, “Fuck men” attitude and act like they have never been hurt because they are so “strong” and can easily walk away. Well sometimes there is strength in giving a man a try, sometimes there is strength in admitting that you have been hurt and devastated that a relationship didn’t have the outcome you wanted. I think there is strength to going through the process of a really bad break up where you acknowledge your hurt and learn from your mistakes so you do not repeat them. I think there is strength to being vulnerable even when you have been hurt before. That’s where the real strength comes in. Being hard hearted Hannah only makes you into one of those women I can stand. The BITTER Woman, and there ain’t nothing worse than a Bitter Black Woman! They say black don’t crack. But when you are a bitter black woman not only is your black cracking on the outside but it shattering on the inside. Okay enough of my PSA (public service announcement). My point is we have all had that guy who has hurt you terribly and one day you finally hit your breaking point and end the relationship for good. You are DONE! There is no turning back. Some ladies delete and block his number. Other’s ladies change his name in their phone to “Asshole… Black Ass Fool… Do Not Answer… (or my personal favorite one of my friends has her ex listed as) BIG DUMMY.” My point is you are very clear the relationship is over. But you know what they say about men being able to sniff when there is someone else in the picture or that you are officially done. They try to test the waters.
Random Guy #5
Last but not least is the guy that didn’t quite make it to boyfriend status but it was more than just a few dates or a random fling. You and he shared a major connection in the short amount of time you spent together. The sparks flew. You thought you had found the “one.” But then there were major red flags and because you had learned from the mistakes you made with Random Guy #3 and 4 you didn’t make excuses for this guy. You knew it was in your best interest to walk the fuck away. And it wasn’t easy because it’s not often you connect with a man on that level. He had strong feelings for you as well, but wasn’t ready or the timing was all wrong. That damn timing!!!! Not to mention he had so much baggage that came with him. You knew if you stayed in the relationship it would bring you even more heartache in the long run. You think about him from time to time. And you even have had moments where you have picked up the phone to call. But you stop yourself, because you know, ultimately that at he is not ready, he has shit to clear out and work on before you can even think about moving forward. And if he does come back and you are still available then you might think about giving him a chance but he has to be ready. Random Guy #5 could be the most problematic out of all the Randoms. I’ll tell you why shortly.
For some reason this time of year The Randoms will come out of the wood works. I know I am speaking the truth here. One of my sorority sisters put me on game, we were at a party last month catching up and I had to run out because I had a date:
Line Sister: You’re leaving already?
Me: Yeah girl I have a date.
Line Sister: Awwwww… I see you are trying to get it in before the end of Cuffing Season.
Me: What the hell is Cuffing Season?
Line Sister: You haven’t heard of Cuffing Season?!
At this point our other Sorority Sister chimed in, “You haven’t heard of Cuffing Season?!” Don’t you hate when you are the only person in the room who doesn’t know about something?! I soon felt like the equivalent of a big giant booger that no one tells you is sitting on your nose. But luckily in the spirit of true sisterhood they didn’t leave me waiting. So here’s what Cuffing Season is:
During the Fall and Winter months people who would normally rather be single find themselves along with the rest of the world desiring to be “Cuffed” or tied down by a serious relationship. The cold weather and prolonged indoor activity causes singles to become lonely and desperate to be cuffed. As well as the upcoming Holiday Season where they don’t want to be “alone.” She even sent me the official Cuffing Season Schedule!
Cuffing Season Schedule
September 4- Draft Day
September 6-19th– Training Camp
September 20- Preseason Begin
October 18th– Preseason End
October 25th– Final Roster Cuts
November 12- Trade Deadline
November 16th– Season Begins
April 1- Season Ends
How in the world could I call myself a dating blogger and not know this information?! Apparently this is Dating 101. I thought it was hilarious. My Sorority Sisters and I had a great laugh.
Luckily, I lived in a state where there is year round great weather. I considered moving to Chicago a few years back. The city is one of my favorite and the men there have an over appreciation for black women. Literally cars stopped to tell me how beautiful I was. Men were tripping over themselves to buy me drinks. Talk about an ego booster! I got my mojo back when I went to the Windy City! But when that cold weather hit me, I knew the only way I would move to Chicago is if I had an engagement ring on my finger and knew I would have a man to snuggle up with during “Cuffing Season.” So I hopped my ass on a flight back to LA. It’s easy to be single in warm weather and sunshine! LOL!
While my Sorority Sisters and I laughed at the “Cuffing Season” concept. I had an “ah-ha” moment. For some women subconsciously or consciously this time of year can get lonely. For some women they find themselves single yet again for the holidays. They dread having to go home where their love life is the topic of family discussions where they have to sit at the kid’s table because they aren’t married. They dread all of the engagements they will see on social media during this time. It doesn’t mean that they aren’t happy for their girlfriends who are experiencing love. But for some women if they are in a Season of Loneliness this time of year can be very hard. AND even worse… if you aren’t aware that you are in that space one of these Randoms can catch you at a vulnerable moment and before you know it, you find yourself responding to a text or conversing with a man that has already proven to be a damn fool!
You find yourself having text conversations with Random Guy #1, because as we already know he never calls. As a matter of fact with Random Guy #1, he more than likely sent a “Happy Thanksgiving…Merry Christmas… or Happy New Year” text out to everyone in his contacts’ list. He still never picks up the damn phone to call you but you are so hungry for even a sliver of attention from a man you accept it! He doesn’t even acknowledge that he hasn’t called you for months or even apologizes for it. He STILL doesn’t make the time to actually ask you out on a damn date. After a few back and forth texts, I can already tell you what’s going to happen. You will send a text to him and he will take hours to respond. And then ultimately he will do exactly what he did the first time you and him met up. Dis-a-fucking-pear!
You find yourself going on a real date with Random Guy #2. You reason with yourself, “Sometimes a man can grow on you. I’m going to give him a chance.” When he kisses you your skin crawls. Don’t get me wrong, it is possible to fall in love with a guy you weren’t initially attracted to. I’m not referring to that. I am referring to a guy that you KNOW for a fact without a shadow of a doubt that you aren’t into him at all! You try to convince yourself to give him until Valentine’s Day and if you still aren’t feeling him you will put him back in the friend category. It’s not fair to settle for guys you know you are not into out of fear of being lonely. And it’s not fair to the guy who really likes you for you to lead him on. That’s bad dating Karma, especially when he’s a good person.
You could also find yourself entertaining Random Guy #3 or 4. You think to yourself, “I’m going to fuck with him and make him think that my life is so much better without him and show him what he is missing.” You may actually take his phone call and talk to him for a while. And for some women, they end up having “Ex Sex.” Although they promised themselves they were done with the fool!
And finally, you can find yourself putting aside all common sense and giving Random Guy #5 a chance even though you know he still isn’t ready for the relationship you deserve. Instead of making him step up to the plate and come back when he is ready to be the man you need him to be, you start making allowances for his ass and putting up with the shit that you saw as red flags. Don’t get me wrong, a man can change. And if he has really changed for the better and ready to come at you the way he should, then give him a chance. I am talking about the man who you know still isn’t ready to give you what you want. You still have a strong connection to him but he is not the man he needs to be in order for you and him to work out.
It’s the Return of the Randoms! Trust and believe men aren’t stupid; they feed off of this shit. Men have a sixth sense too. The difference between their sixth sense and ours is we let our hearts guide us; they let their dicks guide them. LOL! I’m serious! Think about it, have you ever noticed that once you are in a healthy and happy relationship, your ex re-appears trying to gauge where you are? Have you ever noticed that when you are in a committed relationship how you attract even more men and you find yourself saying out loud, “Where the hell were all these men when I was single?!” Have you ever noticed when you are so busy working on a passion project and you are so focused (notice I didn’t say you aren’t looking… we single ladies always have one eye open for that special guy!) but you’re enjoying your passion project how men appear out of the wood works?! They sense this! And in the same way they sense those things they know when you are having a weak moment. Men use the Holiday season to reach out and see where your head is and how much they can get away with during this time. Hell… they could be having a weak moment themselves!
It is inevitable, the Randoms will appear. Just like Santa Claus is coming to town, just like Patti Labelle’s Sweet Potato pies are selling off those damn racks. Trust and believe the Randoms are going to make their way to you! During this time you have to be hyper aware and know exactly where you are because knowledge is power. It’s okay to admit that you are lonely, it’s okay to admit that you hope you meet someone so you can have a 12am kiss on New Year’s Eve, its okay to admit, you hope you will have a Valentine. But do not under any circumstances end up wasting time on a tried, proven, and tested, fool! Don’t become a jive turkey!!!!