Full Exposure


I have to be honest, I can’t blame it all on my business travel. I had major writer’s block due to second guessing.

I know it has been a while since I have written.  I have to be honest, I can’t blame it all on my business travel.  I had major writer’s block due to second guessing.

I went to a party last month.  I love parties in LA where it’s a REAL party where people are actually dancing and having a good time.  The music was loud, the drinks were flowing, and the crowd had an east coast feel to it.  While I was out on the dance floor jamming to some old school I got a tap on my shoulder.  I turned around and low and behold there was “McDreamy.”  (If you’re not familiar please refer to the original blog post- http://confessionsofaserialdaterinla.com/2013/01/wtf-perplexed-and-confused/).  He was still looking fine as hell.  And he was still with one of his typical video vixen type chicks.  I immediately went into panic mode.  My heart started beating fast.  I tried to inhale and exhale deeply.  I talked to my inner diva. “Relax, there’s no way in hell he knows about the blog.”  He gave me a hug and whispered in my ear.

McDreamy:  Nice blog.

Oh shit.  Oh shit.  Oh shit.  He knows!  I had to think to think quickly.  My wine induced buzz certainly didn’t help matters.  So I did what any mature woman would do.

Me:  What blog?  I have no idea what you’re talking about. 

With that I walked off.  News flash, sometimes I am still that 15 year old trapped in a 35 year woman’s body.  When I started this blog, I knew I was targeting women and gay men.  I figured a few men might find out about it.  But I never thought my subjects would know.  Besides, I changed the names to protect the Foolery.  When I write, I feel protected behind my keyboard and lap top screen.  I called my mother the next day.

Me:  Mommy!  I ran into one of my subjects!

Mom:  (after cracking up for a good 30 seconds) What did he say?

Me:  Nice blog.

Mom:  What did you say?

Me:  I told him I didn’t know what he was talking about.

Mom:  Well why would you do that?  You have nothing to be ashamed of.

Me:  Mom he probably hates me!  I’m mortified.

Mom:  You’re going to have to have a thicker skin.  Just own your shit! 

I hung up the phone with my mom.  I loved her candor, honesty, and support.  But I still called about 4 other friends of mine who pretty much said the same thing.  Two weeks later I was at a networking event.  I was at the bar having a sparkling water.  And just because Murphy’s Law likes to fuck with me to epic proportions, guess who I ran into again… You guessed it.  “McDreamy.”

McDreamy:  I was serious when I told you nice blog.

Me: You were?

McDreamy:  Yeah.  I like how you write.  It’s really entertaining.

Me:  How did you find out about it?

McDreamy:  I just did.

Me:  Are you mad?

McDreamy:  Hell no!  I wanted to frame it.  I liked your description of me.  It was on point.

Suddenly I relaxed and decided to use this as an opportunity.  How often do we as women have the chance to ask man how he really feels?  And what the hell is his problem?

Me:  I am so glad.  I was worried you had put my picture on a dart board.  But seriously McDreamy, you are so handsome, smart, and fun.  Why do you have to be a freak?!

McDreamy:  It’s just a lifestyle I prefer.

Me:  Okay.  Well I have one question for you.  Since you’re into the swinging lifestyle are you bi?

I figured, since he was so open I might as well get all my questions answered.

McDreamy:  When I read that I laughed.  Hell no.  I’m just not into traditional sex.  You should try it.

Me:  Real funny.  Like I said, that’s never going down.  It’s just a shame because we could be so good together but you are into some freaky shit that I just could not ever get down with.  But I really appreciate you being the honest person you are.

McDreamy:  That’s all I ever can be.  Keep up the blog.  I think it has potential to be big.  For real.

Running in McDreamy

Me: Are you mad?
McDreamy: Hell no! I wanted to frame it. I liked your description of me. It was on point.

We hugged.  And it was such a great feeling to really close that chapter.  It’s not like he and I had some deep relationship.  But what was special for me was getting the opportunity to ask any question that was in my head.  And having a man be open and honest.  It felt… GROWN.  “McDreamy” will forever go down in my books as one of the most honest and upfront men.  Oh yeah, and fine too.

So I got over that hurdle.  And then a few weeks ago I wrote a post, When the Boss is Away (here’s the original- http://confessionsofaserialdaterinla.com/2013/03/when-the-boss-is-away/).  That’s when it hit home that men… straight men were reading my blog.  I was at a party and ran into a friend of mine.  He said, Dang you really called old boy out.  I hope his wife isn’t reading your blog.  Then later on that same day I was on Facebook and commented on an old high school friend’s post.  His response.  Watch out… Russell might be coming for you LOL!

That’s when I freaked out.  I called my girlfriend and told her what happened.

Girlfriend #1:  Well guuuurl, I can’t lie to you.  If I was a guy and had someone I wanted to introduce you to, I would probably think twice.  Put the shoe on the other foot.  What if a guy wrote about the women he dated would you want to introduce him to your friend?

Me:  I don’t know it depends on what he writes.  Shit, it’s not like I’m Superhead and writing about some crazy sex shit.

Girlfriends #1:  I know.  But I’m just saying.

Then I called another friend.  Because of course like every good patient you have to get a second opinion.  Besides I figured I would get a married friends take on the situation.

Girlfriend #2:  I didn’t think about that.  But that’s a good point.  A lot of men might not like it.  But I love it.  It’S my weekend reading.  I told you I even showed it to my husband.

Me:  Well what did your husband say?

Girlfriend #2:  (long awkward pause)  Uh…

Me:  Well, what did he say?

Girlfriend #2:  Well, he said, why in the hell would she write about that?

Me:  Oh my God!  Oh my God.  This blog is going to be the cause of me becoming an Old Maid.  I’m shutting it down.

Girlfriend #2:  Are you crazy?!  Why in the hell would you shut it down?  It’s entertaining.  You can’t do that!

Me:  I gotta call you back.

I hung up the phone and went downstairs and grabbed my mega goblet and poured a humungous glass of a 2009 Cabernet I was saving for a special occasion.  I figured this was the best occasion.  Clearly I wouldn’t be sharing it with my second husband because I would never have another husband because I am writing a blog.  I tried to watch TV but still couldn’t concentrate.  And just like clockwork my phone rang and it was my mother.  Sometimes I think that she has video cameras installed in my house.  She always seems to call when I am having moments of major self doubt.  I told her what happened.

Mom:  Well that’s good, you want people to read it.  I told you some of my friends have even shared it with their husbands.

Me: But mommy, I never thought men would read this.  What if I meet a guy I really like and he finds out about the blog?  Then what?  He might leave me.

Mom:  Why in the hell would you want to be with a man that would leave you over something so stupid.  The right man will support you in all your dreams.  I keep telling you really need to develop a tougher skin. 

Me:  I know, I know. 

After 4 or 5 more phone calls to various people with the same opinions I still didn’t feel fully exonerated.  Over the next week I tried to write.  But I couldn’t get the words out.  I was second guessing myself every step of the way.  Everything I wrote seemed forced all because I wasn’t being true to myself.  You see, when I write my posts I give it my all.  I am fully genuine and authentic.  I do not pretend to be a dating expert because I am not.  I also do not write about any guy I am currently dating or really like.  But the sudden steam I had when I started the blog suddenly evaporated and I questioned whether or not to go on.  There is a point in everyone’s life where they come to a cross roads.  I was at this cross roads.  I could either shut the blog down or finish what I started and keep going down this path of uncertainty.  That’s when my girlfriend called back.


“You need to think of yourself as writing the soundtrack of dating. Get out of your own way.”

Girlfriend #1:  I thought about our conversation.

Me:  You did?

Girlfriend #1:  You have to get out of your own way.

Me:  I know, but I am beginning to question everything. 

Girlfriend #1:  How do you think we came to grow and love Mary J. Blige?  She wrote songs about her own experiences and they were from the heart.  That’s why we love her.

Me:  I never thought about it like that.  To be honest I miss the bitter 90’s Mary J. Blige.  I liked when she wrote about heartbreak.

Girlfriend #1:  Exactly.  Songwriters don’t second guess themselves. 

Me:  That’s true.

Girlfriend #1:  You need to think of yourself as writing the soundtrack of dating.  Get out of your own way.


If full exposure means I am misbehaved. Well damn it, let me continue to write my place in “his-tory” or as I like to call it… “She-tory.” I will continue to stay fully exposed….

I got off the phone with her and began to see a small peak of light at the end of the tunnel.  I thought back to when I was dating my ex-husband and our marriage.  At that time I gave up a lot of things to make him happy.  Things that were important to me.  And here I was about to fall into the same pattern over an imaginary man I hadn’t even met!  I was about to sacrifice my creativity and something I was truly enjoying just so that I could be more “appealing” to someone who didn’t quite exist.  How many times have we as women done that?  How many times have we sacrificed our own needs and our own desires all so that we could appease someone who wasn’t worthy?  That when I made the decision to keep going.  I would never ever allow myself to not be true to who I am.  Some people may read my blog and say, “This bitch is crazy! Why is she writing about this?  I hope she doesn’t tell everything.”  There might be men out there who are secretly reading this and think, “I would never let my wife/girlfriend have a blog… I thought she was cool but I don’t want to date her because she might write about me.”  Well damn it; don’t give me shit to write about!  Perhaps read this and learn what not to do.  At the end of the day I am going to finish what I started.  All I can do is be honest, genuine, and authentic.  If it entertains, great, if someone learns something or it just makes them laugh through a difficult time like a divorce or a relationship ending then even better.  All I can say is that Confessions of a Serial Dater in LA is here to stay.  I recently came across a quote.  “Well behaved women rarely make history.”  If full exposure means I am misbehaved.  Well damn it, let me continue to write my place in “his-tory” or as I like to call it… “She-tory.”  I will continue to stay fully exposed….
Monique K.Bradley



I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+

Single Black Female.. SBF


Ask yourself… what do these negative articles about SBF (single black females) do to boost your self esteem? NOTHING!!!

Every year these bullshit articles/blogs come out about single black women and the struggle of finding good black men.  As of late I have been bombarded with these various articles and blogs.  In the first blog a single woman of 40 writes about how she has made herself okay with the fact that she more than likely will never have kids or a marriage.  She is beautiful, successful, and smart but she has not been able to find her significant other so she has made herself okay with the idea of having no kids and being by herself.  The next article a woman in her late 30’s discusses her research on post feminist women (herself included) who are successful and should accept that more than likely they will have to end up with a man that is either not as successful as she is or a man who is successful but is a playboy because statistically speaking that is the best society has to offer.  She even went into all the research she did for the article interviewing women with the same perspective!  Then there is the annual article about how black women should consider dating outside of their race in order to find happiness since their options for black men are limited.  It goes on to addresses the increase of black men who are in prison, gay, or not dating black woman so therefore a single black woman should either a) make themselves okay with the idea that they will never find true love, b) date outside of their race, or c) date beneath them. Throw out the idea that there is a perfect man out there for them and reside themselves with the idea of settling.

This is absolute total bullshit and women are starting to believe it.  Not only are they starting to accept this foolery but they go as far as sending these ignorant articles out to their friends on Facebook and then have people liking the status or commenting on it.  Do not get me wrong, if you are interested in dating outside of your race.  By all means do so.  Hell, when I was in Paris over the summer I saw some fine ass European men that definitely had me reconsidering my ideal man.  And every time I see Henry Cavil I have a few minutes of imagining what our mixed children would look like.  I see my future children the coloring of café au lait with wild curly blondish brown hair.  Okay I digressed…   My point is I am not against black women dating outside of their race if they chose to not as a fall back plan because of a false belief there isn’t a black man out there for them.  I also have friends who are dating or married to men who do not make as much money as them.  And again, that is fine as long as that women isn’t settling for something she doesn’t want because she thinks it is not possible to find it.

It is already bad enough I have friends reading this crap and posting it but now MEN are reading these articles and starting to believe their own hype.  So you have successful, single, black men who happen to be on Facebook reading these posts and the comments and believing that they are a rarity and therefore bringing this into their dating life.  I remember reading one of these articles during the aftermath of my divorce.  (These articles tend to emerge when you’re already at you most vulnerable place).  I was questioning everything about myself.  My future as a newly divorced woman back on the dating scene, would I ever be able to love again, was I deserving of a real and healthy relationship.  Any dating self doubt I had was right on the surface.  And I just so happened to read one of those depressing articles.

Enter  “Edward” a hotelier from the east coast.  We met years ago when I had first started dating my ex husband.  He tried to ask me out and I was in a relationship so I of course I refused.  I am sure I was one of the few women who had ever turned him down.  As fate would have it, when I went to South Beach for a post divorce weekend of relaxation with the girls I ran into him at a pool party.  He was looking good.  Tall, chocolate, and rich.  He had just opened his second hotel in Atlanta.  Granted I lived in LA and he was on the east coast we exchanged numbers and started talking everyday over the phone.  He was in the process of opening another boutique hotel in LA and was spending more time on the west coast.  It was a perfect introduction into dating after the divorce.  The distance was great because it allowed us to really get to know each other and gave me the space to take my time. “Edward” was one of the most arrogant men I ever met in my life.  In the beginning his self confidence was a turn on.  The arrogance I found extremely sexy and charming when I first met him was beginning to get on my damn nerves.  If he wasn’t talking about his latest project, he was talking about his Maserati  or his latest painting he bought for his house.  Everything was about “Edward.”  I was merely an audience in the “Edward Show.”  And I was really trying to work with him.  Then he started making little comments that rubbed me the wrong way.

Edward:  What are you doing tonight?

Me:  I’m going out with my girlfriends to a birthday party.

Edward:  You’re going out again?  Did your ex-husband  let you go out as much?

Me:  What do you mean “let” me go out?  I don’t need anyone’s permission to go out.  What’s your point?

Edward:  Calm down, I was just asking.  You’re always out.  You should stay home and relax.

Me:  Edward, I’ll call you in the morning.

Then there was the time he was in town for MY birthday weekend and he took me with him to his tailor where he spent 3 hours (literally no over exaggeration) picking out shit for himself!  Custom shirts, suits, ties, cuff links.  You name it he bought it.  Did the bastard even ask me if I wanted as much as a handkerchief?!  Ummmm… no!

The straw that broke the camel’s back was one night when we went out to dinner at Boa Steakhouse in Beverly Hills.  This is one of my favorite spots.  I do not eat red meat but I find steakhouses usually have the BEST sides.  I have no idea how we got onto this conversation about SBF.  But somehow he managed to bring it up.

Edward:  I know a lot of successful single black women out there.

Me:  I know a lot of successful single black men too. (trying to hide the annoyance in my voice)

Edward:  I know, but it’s different for men we have more options than y’all do.  I think the problem with successful single black women is they don’t know how to let the man be the man.  Y’all are always trying to control shit.

Me:  (taking a sip of the $200 bottle of Caymus Cabernet he just ordered) What do you mean?

Edward:  I think women who make a lot of money no longer know how to be submissive.  And that’s why it’s hard for them to find a good man.

Me: What makes you think it’s hard for them to find a good man?  I know a lot of white women, Asian women, and Latina women who are successful and single as well.  So what’s your theory behind them? (Right as a I said this, in walks Kobe Bryant with Vanessa Bryant holding hands)

Edward:   (tilting his head towards Kobe and Vanessa smirking) Well that’s different because they have their pick of men.  Black women don’t.

Me:  You’re single.  Why haven’t you landed a woman yet? 

Edward:  Because I can be selective.  I have a lot of options.  Besides I’m a man.  My biological clock isn’t ticking.  I talk to women all the time about how it is hard to find a good black man.  I also read those articles that my homegirls post on Facebook.  I’m not the first person to state these facts.  (Swirls the wine in his glass and arrogantly takes a sip).

Me:  I wouldn’t necessarily call them facts.  I don’t subscribe to that.

Edward: I think a lot of you successful single black women need to lower your standards.  Or else you’ll find yourself 40 and alone.

Me:  That’s absolute bullshit.

Edward: Look I’m not the one who made this up.  Talk to your girls who post the articles.  I read all of them and I know I’m a rarity…  Finish your food babe.


“It’s different for men we have more options than y’all do. I think the problem with successful single black females is they don’t know how to let the man be the man.”

I sat there and visualized myself stabbing him with my fork, getting up and splashing my wine in his face, but decided against it.  The thought was refreshing.  After leaving dinner I was disgusted, annoyed, and I even had a moment of thinking he might be right.  There I sat across from an arrogant asshole who thought he was God’s gift to women and the person I had to blame for that was the women who fed into the bogus articles.  Hell, if I’m honest with myself, I ended up marrying the wrong man because deep down inside, I thought he was the best I could get.  I was tired of the dating scene and I was ready to settle down.  I chose to overlook that we had absolutely nothing in common but he had the right criteria on paper.  That belief had me in a shitty relationship.  I do have a lot of beautiful and successful single friends who are looking for love.  And the dating scene is a struggle.  And it is at moments like this when I began to question all aspects of being a single black female (SBF).  I began to think that perhaps being in a shitty marriage was better than being alone.  At these low points, these stupid ass articles come out and I begin to fall for the hype.  And for a mere second I question my decisions and my concept on love and finding a true soul mate.

Then my intellectual inner loving mother smacks me into reality.  The reality is it is far better to be single and alone than married and alone.  I have such a full and great life that anyone I allow to enter into it has to enhance it and bring something to the table.  The bigger reality is we as women must STOP reading and supporting these articles.  And even more so, we MUST stop sharing them.  What’s happening is some men are reading them and believing the hype and thinking that single black females are desperate and will put up with anything when that really isn’t the case.  How can we get men to respect us and honor us if we put out there that it is so hard to find a good one?  I want to start a movement.  Moving forward if there are any of these articles out, do not comment on them, do not post them, do not believe them, and most of all STOP telling men how hard it is to find a god man!  You’re fucking it up for the rest of us!!!!!  You must ask yourself what is the purpose of these articles?  What good does it do?  Why not post articles about women in their 30’s and 40’s finding true love because they did not settle and believe the hype?  We must support each other in our search for Mr. Right.  I did the settling leg work for you and I can confirm it is not worth it.  There are good black men out there.  Think of it, at this very moment there is a man out there who is searching, praying, and hoping to find his soul mate.  It could be you.  Do not give up hope and do not settle.  In the meantime, enjoy your time as an SBF…



Monique K.Bradley



I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+