Weddings… They just bring out the best in people. They make you believe it is possible to love and be loved. I recently made a pact with myself that I would not attend any weddings of couples that I felt would not last or were getting married for the wrong reasons. When I got the invite for my girlfriends wedding taking place in the Santa Barbara wine country in the middle of a beautiful vineyard, it wasn’t just the location that excited me. But this was a girlfriend who was marrying a man that made her smile. He enhanced her already full life. And when you were around the two of them you felt the mutual adoration and genuine authentic love that made me believe marriage the second time around was so much better! After a touching ceremony, my favorite part of a wedding began. The reception! This reception was better than most because it had a plethora of amazing wines. And there was an endless amount. I didn’t have to drive and I was amongst friends who were wine lovers and there was no judgment of amount of consumption that any of us were having. In every wedding reception there is always the inevitable… The singles table. Having been married before and tasked with organizing a wedding, I know there is a lot of thought that goes into the seating arrangements. My ex and I spent endless hours trying to figure out where to seat people based on personalities, common interest, and marital status when we were planning our $100K wedding (I will dedicate a blog to that one day… maybe… it might deserve a book). Anyway I digressed… My point is, couples do not just throw a bunch of names in a hat and randomly pick names out and seat them at a table. A lot of thought goes into this process. I was curious to see where my girlfriend decided to seat me for her wedding. And she did a great job. It was definitely the lively fun table. There was a mixture of couples and singles. Here was no pressure just people there to have a good time. I knew all of the people at the table so I knew it was going to be a fun night. A gentleman sat to next to me who I didn’t know. He clearly knew my crew so I assumed he must be an out of town guest. He introduced himself to me and made a wise crack (can’t remember what he said) but I felt like I was sitting next to the male version of me. He was charming, funny, and kept pouring the wine. “Rasan” was in business development. He lived between NY and LA. Now let me be very clear here. We just happened to sit next to each other. It wasn’t some romantic feeling like the music stopped and I thought I met the “one.” This wedding reception was a true paaaaartay! So all the guests were on the dance floor having a good time. A few times we happened to dance together. It was just fun all around.
Not only was there a popping wedding reception but there was also an after party as well. After having a round of lemon drop shots the night was definitely off to a great start. Not to mention the DJ was playing an abundance of Prince and Michael Jackson. But with all the drinking and partying my size 11 feet needed to have a break. And I am not one too dance barefoot. No judgment for people who do. But it must be the Leo in me or the Diva in me, but I am not the chick who is comfortable being that comfortable in public. So I sat my ass down, had a glass of water, and cooled off. “Rasan” came and sat next to me a few minutes later. And we spent the next 2 hours talking about relationships, weddings, life, business, and anything and everything else under the sun. (some things we discussed I will leave between me and “Rasan” see… for all you nosey ass men out there reading my blog I don’t tell everything!) He had a great sense of humor, and I enjoyed his company. My ride to the wedding gave me a single she was ready to go. I assumed (there goes that damn word ASS-U-ME) he was going to ask me for my number when he saw we were getting ready to go… He didn’t. So I went to hug everyone goodbye and make my way out. Of course as I hugged my various friends a few whispered, “What’s up with you and Rasan?” Talk about pressure. Can’t two people of the opposite sex sit down and have conversation without people thinking it is going to lead to something?! Although in my own mind I ASS-U-ME-D he would at least ask for my number since we had this great conversation. As I was leaving I saw he was talking to one of his friends and it’s not like he went out of his way to ask for my number. And I am not a desperate bitch who is going to go out of my way to get his. I mean really…. We talked for 2 damn hours. How in the world is he going to monopolize my time for 2 hours and not ask for my number?! What the fuck? I was slightly annoyed. Note to the nosey ass men reading my blog: NEVER monopolize a women’s time for hours on end and not close the deal! That is just…. RUDE! 2 Hours? I could have been talking to someone else!
When my girlfriend and I got in the car the conversation began.
Girlfriend: It looks like you and Rasan were in deep conversation. SO what’s the deal?
Me: I have no idea. He didn’t ask for my number.
My girlfriend slammed on her brakes and looked at me like I had two heads.
Girlfriend: What? You’re lying!
Me: I wish I was.
Girlfriend: But he was talking to you all night. I don’t get it.
Me: Me neither. I definitely expressed interest. Did he expect me to through my panties at him to let him know I was interested?! Maybe he was waiting for right before I left. Did I leave too soon?
Girlfriend: I don’t think so. I gave you the single 30 minutes before we were leaving out. He had all night to ask you.
Me: I’m so confused! Maybe I left too soon…
Girlfriend: Do you want to go back?
Me: HELL NAW!!! That’s what I ain’t gon’ do! (all the wine and lemon drop shots were beginning to take effect and my otherwise proper English was becoming straight up Jersey shore)
The next week “Rasan” crossed my mind a few times. I began to wonder if I had left too soon. It just wasn’t making sense that we didn’t exchange numbers. He was definitely single, the convo was certainly good, and we seemed to have some things in common. How many times has that happened? Where you meet a guy, you think you were vibing and then nothing. What happens to these guys? Do they disappear into dating purgatory? You’re left wondering… did I not give him enough of clues that I was interested… Did I leave too soon… Should I have just given him my number and wait for him to call? All that second guessing!
The following weekend I ended up going to a party with my friends. A lot of the same people from the wedding were there. Of course I got a few questions…
What happened with you and Rasan? I saw y’all talking.
Me: Nothing. He didn’t ask for my number.
I was greeted with responses of horror. No one seemed to get it. There were a few theories (which I won’t go into detail on). I was on my way out of the party and my friend had to make a quick trip to the ladies room. As I waited for her, I looked around the club. I was kind of bored and it had been such a long week I was certainly ready to go home. I looked to the far right and guess whose eyes I caught… “Rasan.” That’s the thing about LA. When you roll in certain crowds there are only 2 degrees of separation not 6. He made his way over to me. He gave me a hug.
Rasan: What’s up Cinderella?
Me: How are you?
Rasan: I felt like you had left the reception and I was left holding your glass slipper before I could ask for your number.
Me: Well, I was confused. All week I was wondering what the hell happened!
Rasan: You left so quickly.
Me: We were talking for 2 hours I figured once you saw me leaving you would ask for my number.
Rasan: Well let’s exchange them now before you disappear again.
With that “Rasan” and I exchanged numbers. He walked me and my friend to the car. And he sent me a text later that night.
I’m glad I ran into you. I don’t go out to clubs much but your girl told me you would be here and I thought I would take a chance and run into you.
Okay. So I wasn’t a complete and total moron. He was interested. The next day we exchanged texts throughout the afternoon. A little bit of a turn off but I am trying not to be so quick to drop men too soon. Around 7:20 that evening he sent me a text.
Rasan: Some friends and I are out bowling. Do you want to come through?
Now I am not one that sticks with rules too often. However, I know he didn’t ask me out to meet with him at 7:20. Did he think I was just going to jump up and roll through? My time is valuable. You don’t ask a woman to meet up with you the same day and expect her to arrive in the next 30 minutes. I felt like a…. After thought. This was beginning to look like a pattern. From him not asking for my number to him asking me to hang out at the last minute. I can’t even say he was asking me out on date. I don’t do well with dating ambiguity. I had to make sure my response didn’t show my utter annoyance.
Me: To be honest, I am an awful bowler. As a matter of fact I would probably cause you and your friends to lose points. I def would like to hang with you but I am still recuperating from the weekend so let’s try to get together another time.
Rasan: Alright cool.
He sent me a few texts here and there. But we just didn’t end up vibing. And because I consider “Rasan” a guy who will be a friend (not on a romantic level) I have to respect our private conversations and can’t go into detail on them.
I know you all are probably thinking… Well damn… bitch! Why the fuck are you even bothering writing this post? Sometimes it’s okay to leave Prince Charming holding the glass slipper instead of your broken heart. How many times, have we as women, met a guy and for whatever reason he didn’t respond in the way we thought he would and we automatically start wondering, What’s wrong with ME? What did I do wrong? What could I have done differently? Maybe he wasn’t attracted to ME? Lots of times when a man doesn’t respond the way you think he should it doesn’t have shit to do with you, it is all on him. It doesn’t make him a bad guy but for whatever reason he might be going through something in his life where he can’t respond in the way that you want him to and it has nothing to do with you. In the case of “Rasan” he was not responding to me in the way I thought he should NOT because he wasn’t into me, but because he had other stuff he had going on that didn’t have anything to do with me. That’s why I suggest all women who have purchased that stupid ass book and movie, He’s Just Not That Into You to burn it. This is a man who has made millions making women feel inadequate because it insinuates there is something wrong with you that is causing a man to not respond or like you and that is pure unadulterated BULLSHIT! That book has fucked up so many women’s self esteem. Sometimes a guy can be into you but the timing isn’t right. Sometimes it is okay to leave Prince Charming holding that damn glass slipper. The thing about glass slippers are with pressure, expectations, and assumptions… they break. So how about going out to Neiman Marcus and getting a brand new pair that can handle all of you and won’t break under pressure and be ready for the KING you are meant to meet.