The Wicked Bitch of the West

Don’t make me release my flying monkeys!!!

I decided to take a little dating hiatus. I was enjoying the highs of dating but the lows were honestly beginning to get on my damn nerves. To be honest I was TIRED of dating randoms just because. I also wanted to enjoy some “me” time. I was in the midst of organizing my closets when I got a random text message from “Randy.”

Hey what’s going on?

Some men really don’t know how to take no for a damn answer. Why can’t the guys that I am actually attracted to be as ambitious and unrelenting?! I met “Randy” 2 years ago when I was on vacation in Miami. He bought me and my girls’ drinks. We exchanged numbers, in my mind it was just on a friendship tip. I was not attracted to him. He immediately texted me the next day and asked me out to lunch. Naturally I said no. Seriously, what fool would be out having lunch in public with a guy they aren’t into in South Beach Miami. What if a man I was attracted to saw us out? He would assume we were a couple and I wasn’t about to have that misconception happen. “Randy” continued to call me and text me. Then came the Facebook friend request. I thought there is no harm in me accepting his friendship request. But then in a space of one hour he had gone through all of my photos and commented on 90% of them. I posted I was heading out to NYC on business travel one day and ironically, he called me a day later to tell me he was heading to NYC for business travel later that month. He asked me out to dinner and I accepted. But I called my girlfriend to come with me. There was something creepy about “Randy.” I couldn’t put my finger on it but he was just strange. My friend agreed. As she put it, Since you don’t like him we can have fun with him and ask all kinds of crazy ass questions. Okay, I know it was mean. Shoot me. I can be a bitch. But it was a fun plan. We headed to Budhakhan to meet “Randy.” When he walked into the restaurant my non-attraction to him was confirmed. Let me be clear. “Randy” wasn’t an ugly man he just wasn’t my type. We proceeded to the dinner table where my girlfriend and I drilled him with questions. He took it like a champ. We proceeded to leave the restaurant and he gave me a hug before hailing me a cab. When he hugged me he whispered in my ear.

Randy: Why don’t we take a cab together?

I looked at him like he had two heads. And then that creepy feeling set in again. Something in his eyes screamed I AM A WEIRDO!

Me: That’s okay Randy. I have an early day tomorrow. Have a nice night. Thanks for dinner.

“Randy” continued to call me and text me and I simply ignored him. A month later I was on Facebook and I noticed on my timeline that “Randy” was now in a relationship. I was thrilled for him. I even liked the status. And within an hour I got the text from “Randy.”

Randy: Hey what have you been up to?

I figured since he was now in a relationship there was no harm in being friends with him.

Me: Just working and travelling. How are you?

Randy: I’m good. Can I ask you a question?

Me: Sure. What’s up?

Randy: Did I do something to offend you? When we got back from New York you stopped returning my calls and texts.

I rolled my eyes. Seriously, if a woman sent a man the same text we would be pushed into the crazy category within 30 seconds. I wanted to say, I stopped accepting your calls because you’re weird and creepy. But I decided to be nice.

Me: I don’t do long distance relationships.

Randy: We could have made it work. We both travel a lot. I wouldn’t mind moving to California.

I looked at the phone because clearly I was seeing things. This man was allegedly in a relationship. I wasn’t in the mood to deal with him and I had tried to be nice.

Me: That’s null and void. I see you’re in a relationship. Congrats! I hope you’re behaving.

Randy: I never behave. 😉 It should have been you.

Why can’t the guys that I am actually attracted to be as ambitious and unrelenting?!

That’s when I snapped. I had tried to be polite. I had tried to give him a hint that I wasn’t interested. But clearly this fool wasn’t taking the hint.

Me: I was not nor will ever be interested in you. So it would have never been me. If I was interested I am glad I didn’t take you up on that offer if this is how you communicate with women when you’re in a relationship.

Randy: Why do you have to be so mean? I have been nothing but nice to you and you are just so mean.

Me: Randy, go call your girlfriend and lose my number.

I rolled my eyes and headed to Le Petit Four on Sunset Plaza Drive to have a nice lunch by myself. That’s also one of the benefits to taking some time to yourself. Instead of going on dates with randoms I took myself out for great dates. As I sat there having a glass of Nobilo Sauvignon Blanc for some strange reason “Randy’s” last text resonated with me. Why do you have to be so mean? I have been nothing but nice to you. As I sat in the beautiful 75 degree weather having a glass of wine and eating my Chinese Chicken Salad I had flash back to all the moments when I found myself “checking” a man. I flashed back to the times I would just ignore texts and phone calls instead of being clear and saying to a man that I’m just not interested. I think sometimes I figured if I am extra mean to a man he’ll get the hint and run away. And again “Randy’s” statement kept playing in my mind like a broken record. Why do you have to be so mean… why do you have to be so mean… Why do you have to be so mean… By the time I had my second glass of wine it became crystal clear to me… I AM A BITCH! I don’t know when this happened. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism. With “Randy” all I had to do was tell him I wasn’t interested. That would have been the grown up mature thing to do. Did my divorce, and numerous bad dates, and dating disappointments turn me into the Wicked Bitch of the West? There was once a time when I was so sweet. Did all of my dating baggage have me releasing my flying monkeys onto these unsuspecting victims of my wrath? I took a deep breath and leaned back in my chair and sat with my thought for a few minutes. I really had to get better with how I treated men. Perhaps my evil ways was now becoming my Karma and this is why I hadn’t met the right guy. That’s when my phone rang and it was one of my best friends.

By the time I had my second glass of wine it became crystal clear to me… I AM A BITCH! I don’t know when this happened. Perhaps it was a defense mechanism.

Girlfriend: Girl who the fuck is “Randy?”

Me: This annoying guy that I met in Miami a few years ago, why?

Girlfriend: He poked me on FB and then sent me an inbox asking if he could get to know me.

Me: What?!

Girlfriend: Yes girl! He was like, “Can I get to know you.” And I was like, “Do I know you?” And he then said, “You don’t know me, but I can make it worth your while.”

Me: You have got to be kidding me!

Girlfriend: I kid you not. I immediately blocked him.

Me: Girl that fool is crazy!

There’s nothing like a good laugh with your girlfriend in times of self doubt!

She and I had a good laugh. When I hung up the phone with her. I immediately deleted and blocked his ass from Facebook. He wasn’t even worth sending a text or inboxing him about how inappropriate that was. But I had a good laugh with myself. Lately I found myself questioning a lot about how I date and why I do what I do. I realized I know what I’m doing. Granted, I did acknowledge that I needed to do better with being upfront and truthful if I’m not interested in a man instead of being mean. I also acknowledged that I did have a wall up that used being a bitch as a defense mechanism. This was something I had to work on. You see, in time when you have had major disappointments and hurts there are defense mechanisms that can hinder you in your current dating. Mine happened to be bitchiness. But the first step in fixing something is acknowledging you had a problem. Now I can’t guarantee that I won’t check a clown in the future. But at least I am now aware of the issue. However, at the end of the day, some men deserve to be checked and cussed out and the flying monkeys released! And “Randy” was certainly one of them! If I had the power, I would create a tornado and have a house land on his stupid ass! But for now, I will just work on becoming Glenda, the good witch….