Monday Morning Memos…

My Inner Loving Diva… That inner voice that guides you and let’s you know when something isn’t right. It’s a strong force that penetrates through your being and tells you that something is or isn’t right.

I’m switching things up!  As you all know, I went through 2 1/2 weeks of serious Writer’s Block.  I mean serious serious serious writer’s block!  During that time I asked my readers and followers to send me some topics of discussion.  And I am grateful that I got some great topics and questions.  Now let me first say this…. And I know I say it all the time… But I feel the need to reiterate it.  I am not a dating expert.  I am in no way pretending to be a dating expert and have all the answers.  It’s the blind leading the fucking blind around here!  LOL!  All I can do is tell you my opinion and my experiences and what I’ve learned from them.  From there it is up to you to decipher what perils of wisdom work for you and which ones you can tell me to have several seats on.  So moving forward, each Monday, I am introducing Monday Morning Memos.   I will take the time out to answer a topic or a dating/relationship question and give my opinions.  With that here is the Inaugural Monday Morning Memo post!  Enjoy!

Topic

Following your gut in dating/a relationship.  If we could all learn to do this better, maybe we’d avoid a lot of heartbreak. How do you tune into your gut? How do you know what it is saying vs. your mind or your heart?

I refer to my gut as my Inner Loving Diva.  Because that’s exactly what your gut is.  It is that inner voice that guides you and let’s you know when something isn’t right.  It’s a strong force that penetrates through your being and tells you that something is or isn’t right.  However, I didn’t learn to truly listen to my Inner Loving Diva until after my marriage fell apart.  Ironically that guiding force was with me the entire relationship.  Screaming that it wasn’t the right relationship and NOT to get married.  But I pushed it down.  I reasoned with myself.  Even when you aren’t following your gut the universe will give you signs.  BIG signs to run and reevaluate.  The difference between knowing it is your Inner Loving Diva vs. your mind or heart is it will keep coming up in phases.  I call this phase 1 The Whispers.

Phase 1- The Whispers 

This is when something isn’t feeling right.  You feel it in your spirit.  But you reason with yourself or push it down and tell yourself the following things…

1.  It’s all in my head, I’m making shit up…
2. I’m being selfish…
3. I’m being childish…
4. Maybe it’s not as bad as I thought…
5. I’m expecting too much…
6. I’m being ridiculous…

Those thoughts are what i refer to as the whispers.  Your antenna is up.  The second that antenna goes up its your Inner Loving Diva letting you know it’s time to take a pause and reflect.  It doesn’t mean you leave the relationship.  It doesn’t mean your with the wrong person.  But you do not ignore those feelings.  You investigate it with time.  There is something that is causing you to feel that way.  It might be valid and it might be bullshit.  But your Inner Loving Diva is telling you to reflect and not push down the feeling.

Phase 2- The Nudge

The next phase is what I call The Nudge.  This happens two different ways.  It happens when you are either pushing down the Whispers or you stop and reflect.

The Nudge- happens when you are either pushing down the Whispers or you stop and reflect.

Either way the universe will let you know shit ain’t right or will lead you to the truth.  Your Inner Loving Diva will try to warn you, will try to Nudge you.  There were so many warnings prior to my engagement and wedding that was my Inner Loving Diva’s way of nudging me that I was about to make a mistake if I went through the wedding.  Blatant signs!  Tangible evidence!  Those were red flags that are screaming out:

STOP!!! DON’T DO THIS!!! YOU’RE ABOUT TO MAKE A MISTAKE!!!

I had this happen a week before I got married.  The nudging that I was about to make a mistake.  If you are a loyal reader to my blog you know I do not go into details about my marriage.  There are some things that are not meant to be shared with the world.  But trust me when I say, you know when the nudge occurs.  And it can be multiple different nudges.  And if you still decide to ignore your Inner Loving Diva.  That’s when Phase 3 comes.

Phase 3-  The Shake-Up

Once you have pushed down the signs and ignored The Nudge.  That’s when the shake up happens.  That’s when the inciting indecent occurs.  The incident/ occurrence that shakes you to your core.  It knocks you to your knees.  You are no longer able to push down the voice of your Inner Loving Diva or ignore the nudges because you are faced with what you were most terrified of… THE TRUTH.  And when the shake up happen it forever changes you life and your perspective.  Its actually a blessing.  The Shake Up forces you to listen to you Inner Loving Diva.  It’s the “Coulda, Shoulda, Woulda” moment.  It’s the “What was I thinking” moment.  It’s the moment when you reflect back to the initial Whisper and realize the force within you is strong and will protect you.

The Shake Up- The incident/ occurrence that shakes you to your core. It knocks you to your knees… You are faced with what you were most terrified of… THE TRUTH.

As you learn to listen to you Inner Voice aka your gut you won’t have to experience the shake up.  You learn to know the difference between your heart/mind vs. your Inner Loving Diva.  As you become more in tune with your gut, it becomes easier to decipher the difference and you learn to stop and listen.  Sometimes the best thing we can do for ourselves is take a moment to stop, be still, be silent, and listen.  Your gut tells you everything you need to know.  And the day we decide to follow it and listen to it.  Is the day when you grow and you don’t have to go to Phase 3 The Shake Up.  It doesn’t mean that you won’t slip up from time to time and have to get the nudge.  You’re still human.

You will see how I slipped up recently and went to Phase 2 in the conclusion of my last post I Fell Of The Wagon.  Part 2 coming this week!  I know you didn’t think I was going to leave you hanging!

Meanwhile, take time this week to stop, be still, be silent, and listen!  Your Inner Loving Diva will never steer you wrong….

I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+