Monday Memos fka Monday Morning Memos…

Do you have any experience with secretive men? This seems to be a common type I come across. With some of them, they end up being complete cons (like leading a double life) but the one I’m seeing now is secretive, although he may not intend to be and probably isn’t hiding anything.

I know it’s past the morning hours and this is was orginally called Monday Morning Memos.  So I have revised the name to Monday Memos.  It’s less pressure on me to get the post out in the morning.  You know I am not a morning person by nature!  LOL!  But hey… better late than never.

And remember my disclaimer…  I am not a dating expert.  It’s the blind leading the blind.  I can only give advice based on my own personal experiences and feelings.  Enjoy!

Today’s Topic 

Do you have any experience with secretive men? This seems to be a common type I come across. With some of them, they end up being complete cons (like leading a double life) but the one I’m seeing now is secretive, although he may not intend to be and probably isn’t hiding anything.

As a woman if you have dated long enough you will come across a secretive man.  This is NEVER a good thing.  I always found it interesting when I meet women who are dating a man who has said the following statement to them…

I’m not looking for anything serious.  I just want to see where things go.  I am not looking for a relationship. 

If you are looking for the same thing then that’s fine.  However, if you are looking for something serious and a man makes that statement RUN RUN RUN for the hills.  Because he has told you who he is.  And no matter what, you will catch feelings and eventually be disappointed when he isn’t giving you what you want out of the relationship.  And inevitability you will end up having that uncomfortable conversation.

Woman:  Where are we going?  We have been together for (XXX amount of time) and I feel like this relationship isn’t going anywhere.

Secretive Man:  I told you from the beginning I wasn’t looking for anything serious.  I just want to see where things go.

And before you know it, you wake up and realize you have given this man 5+ years of your life and have no commitment from him because you didn’t listen to what he said from the beginning of the “relationship.”  This is a true story.  A woman I know was with a man who was secretive and made that statement and she wasted her GOOD years on a fool!  I know some of you are wondering what the hell that has to do with the topic on hand!  A LOT!

My point is when a man tells you who he is… BELIEVE him!  Sometimes a mans actions speak even louder than his words.  If you are dating a man for some time and you haven’t met his friends or family.  You are more than likely the jump off or there is someone else that is hanging with the friends and meeting the family and that person is NOT YOU!  The fact that you are even questioning it is your Inner Loving Diva trying to tell you that shit ain’t right!  I do not know if women stick around with men like this because they think they are going to change or they feel like there is a shortage of men and you have to just date anyone that gives you the time of day… but that isn’t the case.  NO amount of great sex, great cooking, and great conversation is going to change that man.  If he doesn’t see you as someone he wants around his family and friends… He is not the one for you.  Notice I didn’t say He’s Just Not That Into You.  I hate that damn book!  Because it implies that it’s something the woman has done that makes the man not be into you. And that’s not the case.  A man not wanting to be with doesn’t have shit to do with who you are or your worth as a woman.  Any way… I digressed.

So what do you do if you failed to listen to your Inner Loving Diva and you have now caught feelings for a “secretive” guy?  Have an honest conversation.  Face to face, not through text, and definitely not over the phone.  Give him the opportunity to explain what’s going.  Look him in the eye and get the answers you need.  Not what you WANT to hear but what you NEED to make a wise decision.   Before you have the conversation, you have to be willing and able to walk away if the explanation is not honoring who you are.

However, my dear, I have a sneaking suspicion you already know the Tea on this man!  The time you are wasting on the “Secretive” man could be taking away from you dating the MOST important person in your life… YOURSELF!  By dating Yourself and not being afraid to be alone you realize your self worth and never allow yourself to be in a situation where you are with a man who is not honoring who you are and shouting from rooftops, That’s my baby!!!

By dating Yourself and not being afraid to be alone you realize your self worth and never allow yourself to be in a situation where you are with a man who is not honoring who you are and shouting from rooftops, That’s my baby!!!

To answer your question… No, I do not have experience with dating “Secretive” men because when my Inner Loving Diva tells me something ain’t right, I keep it moving.  It doesn’t mean I haven’t made other dating mistakes or fell for some other BS.  As you will see in the conclusion of I Fell Off The Wagon (post coming later this week). I almost fell for the okie-doke!  But when your intuition is telling you something follow it!  You know this man isn’t right and you also know feeling like you are someone’s secret lover is not what you want.  So do NOT push down the feeling.  And keep it moving!

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