I Fell Off The Wagon!!!!  The Conclusion


And we all know what happens when you have moved on and you’re not even thinking about a man…. HE RESURFACES. And do not even address the fact that they disappeared in the first place.

It’s amazing how much time we ladies can spend over analyzing a text or lack thereof!  So after freaking out about sending a text that could have possibly been misinterpreted as too pressed and not getting a response back from “Aaron” I decided to let well enough alone.  After all, he was fine and successful and so was I.  And one thing I do not do is CHASE.  I figured if he was interested he would know how to contact me.

The Christmas Holidays came and went.  And on Valentine’s Day out of the blue I get a text from “Aaron.”

HI Monique!  Happy Valentine’s Day baby!

Ummmm…. Really, get the fuck out here!  I really wanted to respond with a simply text that said, Fuck off!”  But instead I ignored it for a few hours and eventually settled on a response back to this clown.

Thank you.  Happy Valentine’s Day to you as well.

No exclamation.  No emotion.  No shade.  Just short and to the point.  His response.

Aaron:  Let’s get together soon.

Me:  Ok

Aaron:  I’m travelling this week.  I’ll give you a call when I get back to LA.

Me:  Safe travels.

 I thought I did well.  I didn’t think my annoyance showed through.  I didn’t look overly pressed.  And I left the ball n his court to see what he would do.  I gotta admit “Aaron” had game.  Sending me a Valentine’s Day text!  Hmmmm… Please.  And that “baby” bullshit was getting old.

I guess his plane had a long ass detour.  OR perhaps he relocated… or was kidnapped… but surprise… surprise… I never heard back from him!


I guess his plane had a long ass detour. OR perhaps he relocated… or was kidnapped… but surprise… surprise… I never heard back from him!

So I went on with my life.  And eventually “Aaron” became a distant memory filed under the “Got Lost in Cyberspace” section of my mental rolodex.

And we all know what happens when you have moved on and you’re not even thinking about a man…. HE RESURFACES.  Not only do they resurface but they do not even address the fact that they disappeared in the first place.  To the nosey men who read my blog, please riddle me this…. WHY DO YOU DO THAT SHIT?!  Don’t you know it drives us women nuts?  No to mention it’s downright rude!  There’s nothing wrong with a simple text that says:

So sorry I have fallen off the face of the earth and haven’t reached out to you in weeks.  But I was kidnapped and was just freed.  How are you?

Is that too much to ask?  You all ignoring the fact makes the shit so much worse!  There I go digressing!  Anyway… 3 months later “Aaron” sends me a text.

Hey baby.  I was thinking of you. 

This man is a damn fool!  And I really needed him to delete the word “baby” out of his vocabulary.  Because now it was beginning to be downright insulting, there was no mention of the fact that he didn’t follow through on his last text of reaching out to me when he got back in town.  The text that HE initiated!   And he sent me a random text 3 months later!  Puuleeze have several seats!  So I did what any woman with half a brain, common sense, and self esteem would do in this situation.  I didn’t respond and deleted the text!

I am so grown!  I am so wise!  I am so full of discernment!  My maturity and wisdom is something all women should emulate and follow!  LOL!


I was bored.  You know one of those nights when you feel like going out and doing something and all of your girls are either out of town, out with their boos, or just not in the mood to do anything.  I cracked open a bottle of Chasing Venus Sauvignon Blanc.  And after my second glass I did the Phone Scroll.  We are all guilty of this.  You either scroll through your contacts or you go through old text messages.  During my phone scroll I came across “Aaron’s” number and paused.  I started drafting a text message and then my Inner Loving Diva chimed in.


I was bored. You know one of those nights when you feel like going out and doing something and all of your girls are either out of town, out with their boos, or just not in the mood to do anything.

Stop!  What are you doing?!  This man is a fool.  He is inconsistent, he doesn’t follow through, he’s not deserving of your time! Don’t text him!

As you know this post is called I Fell Off The Wagon.  And I am sure you realized the sarcasm in the, “All women should follow and emulate me.”   I listened to my Inner Loving Diva and I didn’t text Aaron.  Instead I called him!  LOL!  I am a mess!  Ladies the first rule of thumb is to never make decisions after glass number 2 of wine!  I really didn’t expect for  “Aaron” to pick up the phone.  I was fully prepared to leave a message.  That’s when I realized, I didn’t think about what I would say in the voicemail!  Oh shit! I contemplated hanging up.  Shit!  Shit!  Shit!!!  Just as I was about to hang up “Aaron” actually answered the phone.

Aaron:  What a pleasant surprise.  What’s up baby?

There he goes with that “baby” shit.

Me:  Hey Aaron how have you been?

Aaron:  I’ve been good.  You have been on my mind.

ME:  Really?

Oh shit, I hope I didn’t sound too “Sister Girl” when I replied.  I knew this man was full of shit!  If he had been thinking about me his black ass would have called!  Why lie!  But I didn’t want him to think I gave a shit.

Aaron:  Yeah.  How have you been?

Me:  I’ve been great.

Aaron:  We need to get together for dinner.  What are you up to on Tuesday?

I was taken aback.  Was “Aaron” actually asking me out on a date?  And what the fuck was I doing?  Why would I go out with this man at this point?  But like I said for some reason I had suddenly reverted back to the 20 year old version of me that I thought I had laid to rest a few years back.  We women all have that vulnerable, silly girl, that doesn’t go with the facts and is hopeful that a fool will turn into a Prince, blinded by looks and charm.  I figured it would be nice to be out with a man I was actually attracted to.  I could feel My Inner Loving Diva shaking her head in disapproval of this.  But I ignored her!

ME:  I’m actually free. 

Aaron:  Let’s say 8pm on Tuesday.  I’ll text you that afternoon with the location.

Me:  Okay. Cool.

I figured “Aaron” would do exactly what he has done every single time…  Nothing.  But to my surprise Tuesday afternoon I got a text from “Aaron.”

Looking forward to seeing you.  I made reservations at the Huntley Hotel Penthouse Restaurant.  I changed the time to 7:30 so we could watch the Sunset.   See you soon.

Yaaaaaaas!  That was one of my favorite locations in Santa Monica.  So far so good.  Perhaps “Aaron” was redeeming himself.

Tuesday evening I found myself making my way to Santa Monica.  Because of the location of the date I was able to pull out a new dress I was waiting to have an occasion to wear.  When the elevator doors opened to the Penthouse Restaurant there “Aaron” was.  I forget how handsome he was.  There he stood all 6’7 of him in a custom suit looking so fresh and so clean.  Damn!  He gave me a long tight hug.  And as Whitney Houston said in Waiting to Exhale when she danced with that fool on New Year’s Eve.  I exhaled.  (I am so dramatic!!!  LOL!)


He ordered a great bottle of Sauvignon Blanc. Nothing was off limits. We ate like royalty. It was great. The conversation flowed.

The hostess walked us to our table.   I could feel “Aaron’s” strong hand on my back guiding me to the table.  He ordered a great bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.  Nothing was off limits.  We ate like royalty.  It was great.  The conversation flowed.  Of course I decided to address the pink elephant in the room.

Me:  I’m glad we finally had a chance to connect.  Although it’s taken damn near 6 months.

Aaron:  I know.  I had to tie up some loose ends.

I knew it!  And we all know what “loose ends” meant.

Me:  So are those ends tied up?

Aaron:  They are.  So we should focus on the here and the now and the future and not the past.

Oh, this fool was good!  Real smooth.  We continued with the date.  He held my hand at certain point during the dinner.  He walked me out to valet and we had a great good night kiss.  When I got home I saw he sent me a text.

Aaron:  Hey Baby.  Did you get home safely?

Me:   I just got in.  Thanks for a nice evening.

Aaron:  Sweet dreams baby.

And that is exactly what I did.  I slept like a baby.  The next day I went to work.  Of course I checked my phone periodically to see if there was going to be another text… NOTHING!  That evening no phone call.  And I wasn’t about to call him.

When 2 weeks came and went and I heard nothing from “Aaron” I realized I wasn’t going to hear from him.  He was indeed full of shit.  And he never pretended not to be.  I thought about the date, this bastard probably used his expense account to take me out.  Afterall he made sure we went out during the week. He probably chose The Huntley Hotel Penthouse, not just for the great views of the ocean but probably in hopes he could get a hotel room at the end of the evening if necessary (For the record:  you already know that didn’t go down and wasn’t even a consideration in my mind).

I had temporarily Fell off the Wagon of good common sense by going out with him in the first place.  And I couldn’t blame “Aaron” it was all me!  It’s easy to do when everyone around you is in a relationship and you feel like the last man standing or when you are genuinely attracted to someone and hopeful that it could turn into something.  But this man had told me exactly who he was.  And I couldn’t even be mad at him.  Now that I had returned to Orbit, I looked up his number in my phone and I did what I should have done months ago.  I deleted it.  I didn’t want to be tempted to reach out to his ass in a bored moment.  If he ever reached out again I wouldn’t know the number but I am sure I would figure it out and send his ass to voicemail.

A few weeks later a very reliable source (a good blogger never gives away their source) gave me the Tea on “Aaron,” I didn’t even ask, but his name came up in conversation.  Come to find out “Aaron” did indeed have a girlfriend of 6 years, was screwing the manicurist on the side.  The manicurist new about the girlfriend and had met the girlfriend on numerous occasions.  The girlfriend knew her to be a “friend” of “Aaron.”  Or as they put it, they were like brother and sister.  AND on top of that “Aaron” still had occasional “tune-ups” from his baby momma!  My goodness!  Talk about a top candidate for STD alert.  I found it mind boggling that the Manicurist was screwing this man with all of this information.  But her low self esteem wasn’t my problem!


A very reliable source gave me the Tea on “Aaron.”

I had to laugh at myself.  Like I said, we have to learn not to ignore the whispers of our Inner Loving Diva.  When shit ain’t right we know it ain’t right.

I admit I had a temporary moment of stupidity.  It happens to the best of us!  I’m human.  I would never write this blog and pretend that I am perfect and don’t have moments of dating regrets because of my own stupidity.  Men will tell you who they are if you listen.  It’s up to you to make a wise decision based on what they tell you as well as their actions.

When you are single for a while it is easy to be vulnerable to bullshit and have a weak moment.  To be honest, I think there is something so pure about vulnerability.  (I didn’t say stupidity.)  It was nice to know I could still be vulnerable.  It made me know there was still a slight innocence to me that I hadn’t let the years of bad dates, divorce, and disappointments diminish.  It was comforting to know I hadn’t lost my sense of hopefulness and at the core of me there was still tenderness and not a bitter hard heart!  Yes I Fell off the wagon.  But like they say, it’s not about the fall.  It’s about how you get back up.    


Monique K.Bradley



I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+        

4 replies
  1. Nadia
    Nadia says:

    You always do a great job with using your blog as a place to self-reflect and share your life lessons. I wish when I was younger your blog was a round it’s great big sister advice that especially young people need, keep up the great work.

  2. Marqueta
    Marqueta says:

    Great blog. I used to tweet my adventures in life & dating. I’m currently outlining a book & movie about mi vida loca. As for my message, we’ll just assume you know the dating basics, we’re no experts but honesty is my weapon of choice bc ppl usually don’t believe it so I just keep it real. My own inside joke, mostly truths w lies for pizazz. The guys that pop in & pop out. Yes, they could have a STD party of women they are rotating. I rotate the best, no guns to nobody head, if you got it, you got it. Supply & Demand. But another reason why men & women (only speaking for myself) pop up is for kicks. Sometimes you just want to know that the pussy or dick is still yours. I test men out all the time to see if I could shut down they life w/a text message. Don’t mean I’m gonna follow thru. Just like to know that if I wanted to, I could. I’m single, I can wreck shit. My non expert advice. When you believe you are being tried or played. Playback harder or try your player out. See how many hoops he’ll jump thru so at least if you let him win, you already won. You controlled the chess match AND you got dinner & dick & now YOU fall off the earth. Just bc you single don’t mean you can’t still be in the gym perfecting it ya dig. I’m gonna subscribe. Keep up the good work


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