Monday Memos

It’s that time again… #Mondaymemos!!!!

It’s that time again… #Mondaymemos.  I have to put out my usual disclaimer.  I AM NOT a dating expert.  I can only give advice based on my own experiences with dating.  So feel free to take the advice or if you completely disagree you can tell me to have several seats!  LOL!

Today’s Topic

Subject my girls were talking about… dating a guy with a vasectomy 46 2 divorces 3 kids but makes over 200k wants a life partner 5″6 and wants to travel the world with her really nice guy that jumps into relationships too soon would you date him for the fun and experience…

There are so many twists and turns to this topic/question.  So I am going to dissect it piece by piece and then draw my full conclusion.

Dating a guy with a vasectomy.

In recent years I have made it a point to ask a man from the very beginning of a relationship how he feels about having children.  Especially when it is a man who is of a certain age who already has children.  I NEVER ever thought that this would ever be something I had to think about when dating a man until I dated two not one but TWO men who were of a certain age and had children who were grown and they didn’t want more kids.  I understand their position completely.  However, it is MY belief when a man dates a woman of a certain age who does NOT have kids and wants to have them eventually, it is very selfish of a man to enter into a relationship and deny her of that gift.  It’s one thing if the woman does not want children of her own and trust and believe there are plenty of women out there who do not want to have children or for whatever reason cannot have children.  So that is a moot point.  But if you are a woman who wants to have children one day and a man enters a relationship with you who is not willing to make that happen (if you are entering into a serious long term committed relationship) I would keep it moving.  There are plenty of men out there who are willing and able to give you children and it is down right selfish for a man to deny you of that if that is something you want.  Don’t be afaid to have the conversation.

It is MY belief when a man dates a woman of a certain age who does NOT have kids and wants to have them eventually, it is very selfish of a man to enter into a relationship and deny her of that gift.

 46, 2 divorces, 3 kids but makes over $200K

The fact that he makes over $200K says to me that he can at least take care of his children.  There’s nothing worse than a man who has children and does not take care of them.  That is just downright trifling and shows he has a major character flaw.  Also, I am assuming his 3 kids were from his marriages.  I have no issue with a man having children but if he has 3 children from 3 different baby mommas and was never married… I’m looking at him with side eyes.  To me that shows lack of commitment, and apparently a shortage of condoms.  The fact that he has 2 divorces could be a little bit of a turn off, but again, shit happens in life.  I never thought I would have been divorced so I have learned to never say never or judge someone else’s marital woes.  There are two sides to every story.  For all you know, his first marriage could have been when he was in his early 20’s and didn’t know any better, and his second marriage could have just been to the wrong person.  At least he doesn’t have a fear of commitment.  And you never know… the 3rd time could be the charm. But I would definitely get to the bottom of the multiple marriages and find out what the Tea is.  Why did the marriages not last, what did he learn from it, what would he do differently, what is his expectation out of the relationship, etc.  Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.

The fact that he has 2 divorces could be a little bit of a turn off, but again, shit happens in life. I never thought I would have been divorced so I have learned to never say never or judge someone else’s marital woes.

  5″6

So he is a little man!  LOL!  Make sure he doesn’t have a  Napoleon complex.  I’m 5’8 without heels and typically wear heels so I stand at close to 6′ so I wouldn’t date a man that short.  Nor do I have experience in dating a man that short.  But I do find it funny that was part of the description.

I’m 5’8 without heels and typically wear heels so I stand at close to 6′ so I wouldn’t date a man that short…

Wants a life partner…Wants to travel the world with her…really nice guy that jumps into relationships too soon 

 What does that mean?  Is that all he wants?  Just a travel buddy who will travel the world, have sex with him, and then what?  Life partner?  Does that mean because he has been married before he doesn’t want to get married again and instead would just want a life partner not another wife?  I am sure he is a nice guy, but what is he looking for?  Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.

Wants a life partner…Wants to travel the world with her…

Would you date him for the fun and experience?

To sum this up, the answer to this question is twofold.  If you are a women, who already has kids, doesn’t want to have any, and really isn’t interested in marriage.  This man is an ideal candidate!  You two can travel the world together and make a nice life for yourself.  However, if you are a women who wants to have children or eventually wants marriage I would probably say keep it moving no matter how nice the guy is.  Sometimes we as women get into relationships thinking we can change a man’s decision.  What do I always say?   When a man tells you who he is, what he wants, and what he doesn’t want believe him!  The last thing you want to do is fall in love with a man who doesn’t want the same things as you do.  It doesn’t make either one of you wrong or right, it just means you should reevaluate getting into a relationship if neither person is getting what they want out of it.

Don’t be afraid to have the conversation.

In short, my advice is don’t be afraid to have that uncomfortable conversation to make sure you are on the same page.  It’s better to have it upfront before your are emotionally invested than to attempt to have it once feelings are involved.  The theme for today’s  #Mondaymemos is don’t be afraid to have the conversation.

Make it a great week ladies!!!!

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