50 Shades of Cray- Part Two

Here’s an interesting fact.  When you have gotten used to Import/Export dating and finally start seeing someone locally, it takes some time to get into the rhythm of seeing someone on the regular basis.  I had been so used to scheduling my dates where I was either flying to visit them or they were flying to visit me.  The time I spent with my long distance loves were pre-scheduled and somewhat of an unrealistic fantasy.  You see each other, you’re at your best, they leave, you call each other, text each other and hope for the best.  But you still have your life.  You’re working, hanging out with your girls, and basically doing you until your next prescheduled rendezvous with your long distance love.  It’s super convenient because your life really doesn’t have to change.  And you schedule your time based on what is convenient for you.  Dating “Kevin” was taking some getting used to.  He wanted to spend time with me multiple times a week.  I was trying to be open and go with the flow.  After all, that’s what I was looking for, right?  That was what I wanted… Right?  Had I become a GAB?  (Gray Area Bitch- click here to go to the post about GAB https://confessionsofaserialdaterinla.com/2013/05/06/the-gray-area-a-k-a-gab/)

 

“Kevin” came on strong…  and I liked it… I think.  But there was something that just wasn’t jelling.  I was considering not going out with him again.  Maybe I wasn’t ready for a relationship.  Perhaps I was just fine being by myself.  Or maybe, just maybe… Was it possible I was still not ready to start seeing other guys after the latest dating disappointment?  Maybe I had put a guard up?  My goodness… that’s a lot of fucking “maybes!”  I had made up my mind that I wasn’t going to go out with “Kevin” again.  When something was not jelling I wasn’t the one to try to force it.  You know my motto, I’ll give you one date… maybe two dates max and if I don’t feel anything I am bouncing.  I was planning on following my motto until I went to my best friend’s house to drop off a sweet potato pie to her fiancée.  (Yes I can throw down in the kitchen… surprise).  As usual the topic of my dating life came up.

 

Girlfriend’s Fiancé:  What’s going on?  When are you going to finally bring a guy around here so we can start taking couples trips and hanging out.

I always found it fascinating when people assumed that just because I didn’t bring around the various guys I dated that I wasn’t seeing anyone.  Why didn’t people get that when you’re single you really aren’t trying to bring different guys around until it is serious.  You fear that if you keep bringing different guys around they are going to start getting attached and when you want to stop seeing the guy you’re stuck having to answers the questions.  “What happened to so and so?  I liked him… Give him another chance.”  Or even worse.  I feared they would think something was wrong with me.  Lots of times men assume that when shit doesn’t work out it is the guy who walks away.  When in my case it is the complete opposite.  I guess you can call me the “Runaway Date.”  I am quick to put on those Nike’s and run the fuck off in a heartbeat the moment I felt any sort of hesitation or saw a yellow flag.  And on top of that I wasn’t in the mood to have to explain shit.  The last time I brought a guy around consistently, I ended up marrying his ass and look how lovely that turned out!  LOL!  But anyway, I knew my best friend’s fiancé’s question was coming from a place of love.

Me:  You know I don’t plan on bringing anyone around unless it’s serious.

Girlfriend’s Fiancé:  You don’t be giving these brothas a chance. You’re so quick to drop them after just one or two dates.  Why don’t you try giving them a chance and see what happens?

 Best friend:  Why should she keep seeing someone if she’s not interested in them or she knows they don’t make the cut?!  My friend doesn’t have time to waste time dating some random!  She’s too old for that shit!

And that’s why she was my best friend.  She knew Girl Code number 1.  Always defend your single friend when she is being questioned by your man about why she is single.  At least in front of her face!

Girlfriends Fiancé:  I ain’t sayin’ she should just be dating random brothas (he didn’t use the word brotha but you know I don’t use that word in my writing- LOL!).  But she should give them a chance.  She be dropping them after just 2 or 3 dates.  She needs to give a brotha a chance!

 

Me:  Hello!  I am standing right here… You’re talking like I’m not in the room.

 

Girlfriends Fiancé:  I want to meet these brothas so I can be the judge of whether or not they are worthy of you.  There’s nothing wrong with bringing these guys around.  There’s no pressure.  They need to see how you live and the circles you run in early so you know if they can fit in with your lifestyle.

That’s why I loved my best friend’s fiancé.  Every once in while he would speak some words of wisdom that had me thinking “Hmmmm…”

Me:  You might have a point there.

So I decided to give “Kevin” a chance and do things a little different.  Maybe my best friend’s fiancé had a point, it was the ending of 2015 and perhaps it was time for me to switch it up.  So when “Kevin” called me and asked me out again that weekend I invited him to a Holiday Ugly sweater party a friend of mine was having.  This was a safe circle of friends that I knew wouldn’t embarrass me or start asking “Kevin” a bunch of inappropriate questions about “what he was looking for… where did he see our relationship going… what were his intentions with me…”  Side note:  when you do decide to finally bring a guy you’re dating around your friends.  Be very careful about who you bring them around.  Not everyone is always happy for you and some people… believe it or not… actually like you being the single friend.  There I go digressing, but I will save that for another post.  And to my best friend’s fiancé’s point I can see how comfortable he was interacting among my inner circle of friends.

To my surprise, “Kevin” fit right in.  He brought a nice bottle of wine.  He didn’t wear an ugly sweater, but he had on what seemed to be his uniform.  Blazer, jeans, button down shirt and nice shoes.  I asked him if he wanted me to take his blazer since it was hot as hell in the house and he said, “no I’m fine.”  Apparently he was committed to his look for the evening!  I was enjoying finally having a date at one of these parties.  I was always the perpetual single friend at these things.  And it really didn’t bother me, but it was a nice change.  And I appreciated that I didn’t have to babysit “Kevin.”  He seemed to make great conversation with my friends.  When he was leaving I walked him out to his car to say goodbye.  And he wasted no time asking me out again.  He suggested we go out to dinner prior to me leaving for the east coast for Christmas and he would take me to the airport.  Okay… This Kevin guy was really stepping up to the plate.  He was actually showing up and was continuing to court me and treat me like a lady.

My girlfriends that were at the party gave him a thumbs up.  Okay… maybe I Was wrong about this guy.  I was willing to give him a chance.  A few days later he picked me up and we went to dinner at Nic’s in Beverly Hills prior to my flight.  “Kevin” helped me to my seat.  And he finally took off his blazer and there revealed a big ass stomach.  I never noticed it before.  He hid it well.  He had a thin face.  It was like his bottom didn’t match his top.  It was a big ass gut.  Yes, I am being vain and petty but it literally looked like one of those cut outs at a state fair where you put your head in the hole of a cartoon characters’ body.  I have a thing bout overweight men.  I am just not attracted to fat ass men.  “Kevin” was actually overweight.  He idd a great job hiding it.  And this would probably explain why he insisted on keeping on his blazer during our first 2 dates.  But this brotha was out of shape and FAT!!!!  I felt like I Had been bamboozled!  Hoodwinked!  Tricked!  Fooled!

 

“Monique you are really being a shallow bitch right now.”  My inner loving diva started to chime in on my shallow behavior.  “This man has been nothing but nice to you.  Stop being an asshole.”  I excused myself and went to the bathroom.  I looked myself in the mirror and started to think, maybe I was looking for something wrong.  I can work with a man on his body.  That’s easy.  We could go to Runyon Canyon.  I could start making him healthy meals.  No one is perfect.  I really needed to get it together.  I took a deep breath.  Gave myself a wink in the mirror.  And proceeded back to the table.  Where I was greeted by “Kevin’s” shiny ass bald spot.  This man was a master at hiding his flaws.  Hell I could learn a thing or two from him.  When I returned to the table, I decided to kick it up a notch.  When the waitress came by “Kevin” was about to order me another Sauvignon Blanc from New Zealand.  Instead, “I’ll have a Grey Goose Dirty Martini extra olives.”  I ignored the surprise look on “Kevin’s” face.  We finished our dinner.  He took me to the airport and I hopped my ass on the flight.  I think some time away was just what the doctored ordered.  Time away from LA.  Time away from “Kevin” where I could regroup.

“Kevin” called me consistently during the Holiday’s.  When I returned to LA we already made plans to get together.  This time we met at Frida’s at the Americana in Glendale.  I was looking forward to seeing him.  You see, while being back on the east coast for the holidays it was like a long distance relationship.  “Kevin” and I talked on the phone everyday and would text message each other.  We talked about everything and anything.  Nothing was off limits.  I felt a closeness to him just by talking to him over the phone.  By the time I got to LA I was looking forward to seeing him.  Because like my other Import/Export relationships.  I built this one up in my mind.  I got to the restaurant before him.  Got our table and waited with anticipation.  When he walked into the restaurant. He looked better than I remembered.  I gave him a big hug and it was actually genuine.  I didn’t even notice his shiny bald spot that was hidden.  He was wearing a blazer as usual.  But he looked handsome.  I tell you, this long distance dating shit can make a bitch delusional.  I think I was the crazy one.  We ordered our food.  There was a photographer that came around to each table to take pictures of the guests.  She took our picture and when she came back with it a few minutes later, I thought to myself.  Is this the same man I was sitting next to? In the picture, he looked old as hell and balding.  I looked like a young tender Roni out with a cat daddy.  What the fuck?!   I was immediately turned off.  I looked at the picture then I looked at him.  This cant be the same person maybe the photographer used the wrong fucking filter.

 

As usual, when we were leaving the date, “Kevin” made it a point to make plans for the next date before I got into my car.  This time he asked me to spend New Year’s eve with him.  I always had a motto.  The way you start your year off is usually how you ended it.  Was I prepared to end my 2015 with “Kevin” and begin 2016 with him????

 

****to be continued****