Yes… that pretty much sums it up. I Ghosted you all. And let me tell you, the guilt was killing me. For 4 years I have brought you stories from all of my dating foolery. I gave you hope, laughs, cries. I opened the door to my world and let you in. I allowed myself to be vulnerable and to be quite frank… judged. Not necessarily in a bad way. I allowed you to see my quirks, my insecurities, my triumphs, my inner thoughts. And it felt great. It was a healing process for me. Just as much as you looked forward to my posts I enjoyed writing them. But what happens when a serial dater finally grows and decides to just pick one… That’s what life is all about… growth. You do realize… I couldn’t bring you these posts forever. To be honest, there was a certain point where I stopped living in the moment. My life became, “How is this story going to end… how can I make this more interesting for my followers… what is the catch phrase… what is the title of this post?” And I realized as much as I loved bringing you the tales from my dating life, I had stopped living in the here and now. Instead I was living in the past and in the uncertain future in hopes that I could give you a conclusion to each post. And you know what happens when you stop living in the moment, you miss things that are right in front of you because you are so busy trying to figure out the angle. So I took a LOOOOONNNNNGGGG break from blogging. Since November to be exact, and I decided to start really living my life. And being completely transparent I was burnt out! I lost my writing mojo! And I felt so guilty too. I felt like I had abandoned you all. And that’s because I did. And every time I went to write something my creative energy was rusty and I was stuck. But I think I have gotten my mojo…
So… What the hell have I been up to?! I got a new job that I absolutely love and is completely fulfilling, I have travelled. Had amazing adventures in Cannes, Paris, Cabo San Lucas, Miami, Martha’s Vineyard, etc. I started spending more one on one time with my friends instead of just going out to parties. I really have made a conscious effort to nurture my friendships because they are so important. I spent time with my family, and yes I have been dating. And seeing where it leads. Yes… I am being vague on purpose. Most importantly I spent time getting to know myself. If you a re a loyal follower of my blog you are well aware of my journey. I took time to understand who I was in my 20’s and 30’s. You see, in my twenties, I lived to make other people happy, then I went into a marriage where I lost sight of who I was in an effort to make my ex-husband and his family happy, then I went through the divorce and discovered what made me happy, and what gave me purpose but little by little. During this blogging down time, I had a chance to rediscover me… in this very moment. I will be forty in a few months and I finally feel like I have found my equilibrium, my footing, and my boundaries. My life is where I want it to be and I am living it to the fullest. It took me a long time to get this point. I have enjoyed letting you all into my life and I know I have helped people get through some tough times because they have come to this site and felt like they weren’t alone in this single life. I have even had men tell me that they like reading my blog because it’s not about male bashing and they get a glimpse into what goes on in the minds of some women. They found it enlightening. There I go digressing….
Let me be clear… this isn’t a “Dear John” break up letter. I wouldn’t do you all like that. I wouldn’t just leave you all and say thanks for the great 4 years’ goodbye, goodnight, fuck off. You know I ain’t that trifling. But I am taking my writing in a new direction. The most exciting thing I have been doing during this break is working on my first novel and it is good and JUICY. The beauty of writing a novel is I can go wherever I want because the characters are fictional and I do not have to worry about being personally judged in the name of fiction! LOL! You all are going to love it!
Don’t worry I still plan on blogging, but I am taking this site in a different direction. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results. Well… I am giving you something different. Growth is a good thing! I plan on giving you a sneak peak of the novel when the time is right. AND the next Cocktails and Confession event will be happening in a few weeks.
Sorry I left you all hanging but I had to take some time to take a break from blogging and really start living, and it feels so damn good!