Single Survival During The Corona- Part Three
The Corona Creepers
Week 7 of quarantine! Week fucking 7!!! While my logical side knows this is temporary and we will get through this. My anxiety driven side is like… “This is the end… we are in the middle of Armageddon… Will I ever get to experience a real happy hour at my favorite bar with my girlfriends talking shit… will I take my annual trip to Europe with my bestie… will I ever experience getting my nails and hair done (because this DIY is for the birds)… oh how I miss the days of going to Trader Joes to pick up my favorite bottles of wine without a mask and having to wait in line for 45 minutes!” But it is what it is. This is the new normal and we have to make the best of it. And for my members of Singledom this is some extra bullshit! You are thriving and surviving because that’s what you must do. Hell, that’s what members of Singledom have always done! You have learned how to live with the cards that life has given you. After all that is what being single is, it is learning how to navigate the uneasy waters of dating and hope you get to a point where it is smooth sailing and you can sip on your cocktails in the sun. You are learning how to FaceTime and set up virtual dates, not because you want to but because that is your only option. And I will be the first to say it… it fucking sucks! Dating was already hard enough and the Rona has come and made the shit damn near impossible! There I go digressing! I always like to come from a place of hope, but you know I have to keep it real. I’m not going to give you the “Pollyanna” BS and blow smoke up your ass. Here’s how the 7 weeks of quarantine have gone for a lot of you:
Week 1– I got this. I’m enjoying my “me” time. I see a world of possibility. I’m going to take this time and organize my closets, drawers, fridge. I’m going to finally start reading that book I have always wanted to read. I might even put together a business plan to start that business venture I always dreamed of.
Week 2– These virtual happy hours are off the chain! Me and my girls haven’t laughed this hard in a long ass time! I finally had some time to try out that new recipe. I organized one of my closets. This isn’t too bad. It’s almost like a mini vacation. I got this! I have binged watched 3 shows. I even watched that trashy Tiger King shit.
Week 3- I’ll start on that business plan in a few days. At least I organized one of my kitchen drawers. I will not call my ex. I will not answer any of his calls or texts from him… Fuck him! And why the hell can’t I stop eating. I will not get on the scale! Oh God… I coughed and sneezed… is that the Rona or allergies? Lawd Jesus please don’t let me die of the Rona alone. Who will find me?!
Week 4– I wish I had a quarantine boo. I am starting to get lonely. If I was in a relationship we would be boo’d up together and having the best time in quarantine. How I envy those folks that have somebody. To think, there are women out there married and not even having sex with their husband. Don’t they know there are people out here starving for sex and they are taking for granted they have it at their disposal?! When is this shit going to be over. I’m horny!!!! My liver is pissed off! “Bitch if you have another virtual happy hour…”
Week 5– I need to step up my workout game (as I reach for the Kettle Jalapeno Chips). Those closets look just like they did pre-Rona and actually they look worse! And I don’t feel like organizing them. Fuck a business plan… I have no idea when we are going to be free. I just need to survive and get through the day to day. Damn it… I ran out of wine. Do I go to Trader Joe’s and wait in line for the cheaper bottles and only buy 2 so I drink less or do I go to Ralph’s and get 6 bottle so I get 30% off and don’t have to make another run for a while.
Week 6– I’m alone. I’m lonely. I tried to be positive; but this single shit and Rona don’t mix. These walls are all closing in on me. I can’t take being alone this long! I have binge watched 7 shows. I don’t give a shit! I can’t take this. When is this going to be over?! Will life ever get back to normal? Oh shit… I have tan lines on my face from the face mask!!!!
Week 7– I’m lonely… I’m horny… I’m bored!
For a lot of members of Singledom this is the week when the Corona Creepers emerge!
What the hell is a Corona Creeper? The Corona Creeper is a guy who is trying to get you to come to his house or come to your house during quarantine! You will hear lines like this, “We have both been in quarantine, I haven’t been anywhere besides the grocery store, walks, I know you haven’t either. I trust you. So let’s link up.” There are a few different types of Corona Creepers for you to be aware of. Let me break it down:
The Dating App Corona Creeper
The Dating App Corona Creeper is someone you have met while in quarantine through ha dating app or online. For a lot of members of Singledom they have turned to dating apps and online to meet people. And why not? Even if you’re really not a dating app person, now is the time to go on there because the usage has sky rocketed. A lot of men that typically wouldn’t go on dating apps are on there. Why not explore this possibility? Dating Apps are the equivalent to going to a happy hour, bar, lounge, gym, etc. This is really the only way for a lot of single folks to meet. And that is a good thing. A lot of you have made some real connections. How exciting! You have met someone on the app, you have clicked, you are having hours and hours of phone conversations. You are FaceTiming, You have been on a few virtual dates. There is this extreme closeness you feel because you are sharing in this Corona trauma together. You talk about what post-Corona life is going to look like. You talk about how your first real first date is going to be. You might even talk about travel plans. This person has become your virtual quarantine boo. You look forward to talking to them. You night have even narrowed it down and you are only talking to that one person. You feel an extreme connection with them. A connection you might not have felt before and it’s all because you have been given the opportunity to really connect with him on a different level. You might have even started to have some virtual “sexy” time with this person. You already feel the passion and you all haven’t even met in person yet! Then it happens. He suggest you all finally meet in person! “We have both been in quarantine, I haven’t been anywhere besides the grocery store, walks, I know you haven’t either. I trust you. So let’s link up.” Please don’t allow your loneliness to make you fall for this bullshit! First of all, this man hasn’t taken you out on a real date. He hasn’t spent a DIME on wining and dining you! Perhaps he has sent you flowers or a little gift via Amazon Prime. But that ain’t shit! You do NOT know him. He could be talking to many other women through the dating app. And don’t get me wrong, I am not saying that you do not have a real and true connection. But allowing him to come to your place or you go to his place is the equivalent to having sex with him without a condom! Ask yourself, would you have unprotected sex with a man you have never met in the pre-Corona days of dating? Notice I said unprotected sex, not just sex. If the answer is no… then don’t allow Corona brain to make you make unwise decisions. It’s not worth it. If you do have a real connection with this man. You can explore everything once it is safe. Take your time, get to know him.
The Blast from the Past Corona Creeper
The Blast from the Past Corona Creeper is a guy you have known for years. Perhaps you went to high school or college together, he worked with you, you’ve met him at a party or networking event before, or maybe a friend introduced the two of you. This a man you have met before and you were actually attracted to him. You might even follow each other on social media. And since quarantine, he has started liking your pictures a little more, he even started commenting on your pictures and you even respond. I like to call this the virtual flirt. This is equivalent to him buying you a drink at the bar. From there he sends you a DM and you exchange numbers and have been talking consistently ever since. There is already a natural comfort with him because he is not a total stranger. I’m loving how many folks are shooting their shot right now. And why not? You have nothing to lose! As a matter of fact I encourage it. And just a side bar… ladies, give the brotha a chance! Don’t be doing the BBD (bigger better deal) shit during quarantine. This is a time where you can explore the possibilities. You never know where it could lead! Don’t block a potential blessing! There I go digressing again! Unlike the Dating App Corona Creeper, the Blast From The Past Corona Creeper feels safe. Because you have a little history. You two are now communicating regularly and FaceTiming for hours and hours. The convo just flows. You find yourself letting your guards down; which is awesome! You feel such a closeness and a strong connection. It feels so right. Then he suggests, “We have both been in quarantine, I haven’t been anywhere besides the grocery store, walks, I know you haven’t either. I trust you. So let’s link up.” Now let me be clear, I am not saying he’s an asshole and to drop him immediately from your life. He could very well be telling the truth. The connection could be real. And this one is a super-duper hard one. Because let’s be honest, your lonely too. And it’s not even necessarily the two of you getting together to hook up. You both genuinely want to spend time together. Why oh why did Corona have to come and play with our emotions like this?!!! In this situation; the best come to those who wait. Allow yourself to enjoy the build-up and anticipation of waiting until lockdown is over. As we get older in life we don’t have many things to look forward to. This is one of those situations where you can turn a messed up situation into something beautiful. Anticipation is so underrated. Just wait, enjoy each other virtually and then set you first in person date for the first day we are “released.” That is going to be such a great moment. Allow yourself the gift of that moment. You’re worth it. And to be honest, so is he! As a matter of fact we care going to call him The Blast From The Past Possibility!
The Pre-Corona Vibes Corona Creeper
The Pre-Corona Vibes Corona Creeper is a guy that you went on 1-2 dates prior to the Rona quarantine. You two had good first dates. As a matter of fact, if this lockdown hadn’t happened you all probably would have went out again. But noooooooooo Rona had to come and rain on your dating parade. The good news is you all have still be talking regularly. You’re enjoying him. You’re not 100% sold on him. But he’s someone to talk to let the time go by. He might even be starting to grow on you. And then on one of your virtual dates he hits you with, “We have both been in quarantine, I haven’t been anywhere besides the grocery store, walks, I know you haven’t either. I trust you. So let’s link up.” You’re feeling him, but if there were other options would you be feeling him as much? You’re in major need of some physical activity. Just because we are on lockdown doesn’t mean that your needs to take the edge off is! And he very well may be telling you the truth. He might have been in quarantine these last 7 weeks. BUT how do you know there aren’t other women that he is having the same conversation with? How do you know it’s not just a numbers game for him? He could be asking to see who the first person is that will say yes. And that where the problem is. Do you really want to risk your health for to be a fall back plan hook up? Ummm… no!
The Return of the Random Creeper
The Return of the Random Creeper is the most complicated of them all! This is when the ex/situationship creeps back in. This is when the man who you have been on and off with makes his return. Even before COVID19 they always found a way to creep into your life around the holidays, birthdays, or when they sensed you have moved on. This is that man that you just can’t shake. He has never fully committed to you or given the you the relationship you need, desire, or deserve. And although you might try to deny it, you still have feelings for him. And of course, they reach out during this time. They are just as bored as you! And you might have allowed your loneliness to entertain the conversations and FaceTime. Then he hits you with, “We have both been in quarantine, I haven’t been anywhere besides the grocery store, walks, I know you haven’t either. I trust you. So let’s link up.” You all have linked up before and I would even venture to say you haven’t always been fully protected during those times (literally and figuratively). Here’s the thing. Just because we are in the middle of quarantine does not mean that he is going to change. You MUST manage your expectations and be realistic. This is more than just a hook up. There are feelings there. You must be honest with yourself. “When someone shows you who they are, believe them.” They have already shown you they are a fool! They have already shown you they are not looking to be in a relationship with you. Do you want to be used as a quarantine boo and then when this shit is all said and done, he does what he has always done, moved on and your left hurt, alone, and sad? Shit, you might as well be in quarantine alone than keep giving that man your power again. Maybe now is the time where you move on. Use this time to figure out what you want, what is important not you in your next relationship, and who you want to be. Just say no to fools!
This is such an unprecedented and uncertain time. And I am sorry, for singles this shit is HARDER! This is not how you were supposed to date, but you are trying to make the best of a fucked up situation. And the loneliness can feel palpable. The depression and anxiety can feel debilitating. But you still have to be smart in the midst of it all. You are not alone. Reach out to your other single girlfriends so you can vent, reach out to your cool married friend who gets it; trust and believe they could use a break from homeschooling and husbands! Call that family member who has always been a sounding board. But whatever you do; do not allow your loneliness to drive you to make unwise and unhealthy decisions. We can and we will get through this! Let the Corona Creepers creep on!