Quarantine Single Scrutiny

One of most interesting things I have noticed about Corona, being in Quarantine, and as we slowly begin to open back up.  Singles are faced with a lot of the same scrutiny they are used to dealing with around the holidays.  For some reason, and I haven’t put my finger on it quite yet, your Singledom has once again become the topic of fucking conversation!  I find my patience is at an all time low these days.  Probably because I don’t have my usual distractors that help prevent people from getting cussed all the way the fuck out!

Not to mention I’m on edge!  I know I don’t touch on politics in my blog.  But I am a BLACK woman.  A proud BLACK woman and in addition to this deadly global pandemic, we are in the middle of racial injustices that are leading to protests, riots,  due to the killings of innocent black people on the regular basis by cops.  I am fucking tired… We are fucking tired.  So please excuse me for sounding unlike my usual upbeat self.  But you know I keep it real.  And that is the God’s honest truth!  Anyway, I digressed…

Yet people, still have the damn time to pry all up in single folks business in the midst of all this shit!  I just don’t fucking get it!  And I have witnessed it with my own eyes.  All I could think is it could be one of the following reasons…

• Perhaps people are so bored they feel the need to be all in your business, especially when they have been cramped up in the house with a spouse who is getting on their last nerve.
• Perhaps when you are just stating that you wish you had a boo during this time folks feel the need to give you unsolicited advice
• Maybe you are just minding your business and you find yourself being interrogated for your single status.
• Maybe people are suffering from PTSD and instead of talking about all the racial injustices that are occuring around the country, discussing your single status is a good distraction.
• Perhaps you have made a real love connection during quarantine and folks are hating on it or minimizing the significance.

Either way, I see this happening more and more during this time.  And I want to make sure I am arming my singles so they are ready for the scrutiny and they do not take it personal.  Especially now, when we are all on edge.  Here are some tips as you begin to re-enter normal life and find your Singledom the center of a conversation topic among “well meaning” folks.

You do not owe ANYONE an explanation as to why you choose to be single.

It’s none of their damn business!  Here’s a tip for people who are in relationships as it pertains to questions they should NEVER ask their single friends, “You’re beautiful, smart, successful, I don’t understand, why are you still single?”  That is what we call a backhanded compliment!  A single person would never ask a married person, “Why did you marry that lump?”  Why?  Because it rude and intrusive.  That is a discussion you get to decide if you want to have it or not.  Just because we are in the middle of a global pandemic does not mean you have to add pressure by feeling the need to explain your CHOICE to be single.

Being single is a choice!

And yes I used the word “choice.”  For most singles you could have settled and put yourself in a relationship with someone you weren’t into just so you weren’t lonely during quarantine.  You could have faked the funk. But you made the CHOICE to do you during quarantine and not settle.  Also, some singles ended relationships because they refused to be unhappy in quarantine and in life.  Being single is a CHOICE you have made.

Your Single Journey is Customized!

Through pre-social distancing, during quarantine, and as we slowly open up you single journey is your own customized story.  There is not a one size fits all approach.  For some folks during this time they have made great potential boos using online dating, some folks have swiped right and met Mr. Right, others have reconnected with old flames, some have taken a shot with someone they have been crushing on.  As our city re-opens they are in the beginning of new possibilities.  And that might not have happened for you during this time.  And you might be wondering, “Why haven’t I met anyone yet… where is my happy ending… I tried every site during quarantine and nothing clicked… What am I doing wrong?”  NOTHING!  Your journey hasn’t ended yet.  And you shouldn’t’ beat up on yourself that you haven’t made a connection.  The fact that you were open and vulnerable during this time is an accomplishment.   Especially for my singles who have put themselves out there for the first time in a long time.  For a lot of you, you have been so inundated with work and career your love life was put on the back burner and quarantine forced you to do something new.  That in itself is an accomplishment!!!

If you decide that online dating and dating apps are just not your thing… it’s okay!

A lot of people just don’t like that form of dating.  A lot of you tried it for the first time because you were in quarantine and really didn’t have any other way of meeting people.  And now that we are opening up slowly, you might have realized it just ain’t your thing.  And people will try to force it down your throat.  Refer to my first point.  You do not owe ANYONE an explanation of how you prefer to meet your mate.  There are so many other options.  There are matchmaking services, you might meet someone 6 ft apart at the  grocery store.  You might meet someone hiking.  The options are endless.  And singles are more open than ever before.

If you have made a love connection or have a potential new boo! ENJOY it. 

Last but certainly not least, if you have made a love connection or have a potential new boo! ENJOY it.  Don’t wait for the other shoe to drop. This could be your silver living of Quarantine.  Allow yourself to bask in the happiness you are feeling and stay in that moment!

In conclusion, being single is brave… 

You are constantly putting yourself out there for the possibility to get hurt and disappointed.  Or you could meet the love of your life.  It’s a gamble!  Quarantine forced singles to take a good long look at themselves in the mirror and be unapologetic for who they are, what they want and their choices.  As the city slowly opens up.  Do not allow Quarantine Single Scrutiny to make you second guess your choices in your dating life.  I encourage my members of Singledom to stay open to the possibilities.  Out of millions and millions of people… you just need 1!  Just that 1 that I right for you.