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IHOP

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Couple Eiffel Tower

. Paris quickly became my soul mate as I strolled the streets and breathed in the air, ate amazing food, drank delicious wine, shopped in expensive boutiques.

Last fall I took a trip of a lifetime with my mother.  We did a mother-daughter trip to Paris and then headed over to London.  When I was in college, I spent a semester abroad in London and fell in love with the culture, the people, the pomp and circumstance, and the beer (I returned with a bit of a beer gut).  And London was one of my favorite spots overseas.  But that was until I went to Paris last year.  First of all, can we get a moment of silence for the European men?  They are just so damn sexy and manly.  They are romantic and they can dress their asses off.  Paris quickly became my soul mate as I strolled the streets and breathed in the air, ate amazing food, drank delicious wine, shopped in expensive boutiques.  My French even improved after a while.  I know they had me when I said, “D’accord” without even thinking about it.  I realized I must have been Parisian in another life.  The moment I left, my spirit longed to return.  Oh… Paris… How I miss thee!!!

Fast forward to present time, last week my girlfriend and I decided to switch things up.  It was the NBA finals and we knew every man in LA was going to be at some sports bar catching the game.  So we figured we might as well switch things up a bit and head over to Mad Bull’s Tavern in the valley.  We knew it was going to be packed but we didn’t realize it was going to be an Oasis of men!  It was great.  What I discovered is men are in a different start of mind when they are in a sports bar watching a game.  They are extremely laid back and relaxed.  They are in their element.  They get to enjoy two things they like beer and food.  So their guards are down.  As a woman walking into their environment the key is to adjust.  Ladies, please don’t walk into a sports bar with a pair of heels on and a dress that’s called PRESSED!  My girlfriend and I were able to get a table.  I ordered a glass of wine (yes I had wine in a sports bar) and some wings and let the festivities begin.  I decided to root for the Spurs.  I could have given two shits about who won or lost the game but rooting for the team that most of the folks in the bar were rooting against made for some great conversation starters and an easy way to flirt.

Guy at Bar:  You’re rooting for the wrong team!  What’s up with that?

Me:  I like to root for the under dogs.  Besides I’m over Lebron and Chris Posh’s game has been off all season. (Mind you I had no fucking clue what I was talking about.  The only reason I know anything about Chris ugly ass Posh is simply from reading the gossip blogs about his ongoing custody battle with his baby momma and the fact that his former video vixen wife is pregnant again… I’m a mess!  But I did sound convincing)

Guy at Bar:  I ain’t mad at you!

As the night went on there was a feeling of comradery among the bar patrons.  Everyone was having a good time and there was a great energy.  At one point during the game I notice a guy across the room giving me the eye.  SO I gave him my mega million dollar smile (if you can’t flatter yourself, who else will) and he smiled back.  Okay… I liked this scene.  By the end of the evening he had made his way over to my table.  The second “Pierre” opened his mouth I knew he was French!  Oui! Oui! Oui!  My inner diva did cartwheels.

Pierre:  Did you enjoy the game?

Me:  It was a good game.

Pierre:  What’s your name?

Me:  Monique.

Pierre:  Monique.  French name huh?

At that moment I wanted to send my mother a text message thanking her for naming me a French name.  The sound of my name in a French accent was just right on time.  But I first had to confirm he was indeed from France.  No offense, but I’m not interested in dating Prince Akeem from coming to America!  (don’t judge my ignorance)

Me:  Where are you from? 

Pierre:  France. 

Me:  That’s what I figured.  Paris is one of my favorite places.

So with that we continued our conversation about Paris and how I want to brush up on my French and we exchanged numbers.  The next day “Pierre” asked me out on a date for that weekend.  He picked a great location too.  A new spot called The Village in Studio City.  When it was time to order our drinks he ordered a bottle of Sauvignon Blanc.  I could hear him say Sauvignon Blanc over and over again.  “Pierre” was a 37 year old engineer.  He was divorced and had no kids.   He moved to LA from France 10 years ago.  He talked about how when he first got to the states he hung out with mostly all French people but realized he needed to become fluent in English so he started hanging out with Americans.   He was truly a genuinely nice guy.  It was refreshing to be out with a man who was well traveled, smart, and knew all about my favorite city in the world.  At one point the waiter came up to our table and asked him if he was from France.  Ironically the waiter was French too and they started speaking in French.  Now here’s the deal.  I can appreciate when people speak in another language and have enough sense to translate for me.  That way you don’t feel like a complete outsider.  This was definitely a good first date in my book.  It has been a while since I have went out with someone that I actually liked and who knew how to court a woman.

The next few days went by we spoke over the phone and we also texted.  Our next date he invited me to this party at Sur Lounge.  It’s called French Tuesdays.  I had a work event to go to earlier that evening but I decided to live a little and meet him afterwards.  When I got to Sur Lounge he was waiting outside for me.  Like I said earlier, European men have a style to them that American men just haven’t mastered.  He was wearing a beautifully tailored blazer and jeans.  His face lit up when he saw me… I liked that!  When we walked into Sur Lounge I was literally transformed into another world.  There was lounge music playing and the place was packed.  No one in there was speaking English.  I literally felt like I had taken a flight to Paris.  It was great.  We ordered champagne.  He introduced me to his friends.  I attempted to speak a little bit of the French I knew and butchered it.  But the great thing was he helped me out.  I have lived in LA and never experienced this type of scene.  It was glamorous, sexy, and very European.  I really had a great time and it was unexpected.

Paris_cafe

I think what draws me to Parisians is they live life to the fullest. They drink their wine without worrying about if they are drinking too much, they eat their pastries without the concern for calories, and they show affection without thinking about what people think.

Seriously I am really beginning to enjoy my singledom.  This was truly an IHOP experience (International House of Possibilities).  I’m learning to stop limiting myself.  I’m not going to put so many damn parameters around this dating thing.  I think what draws me to Parisians is they live life to the fullest.  They drink their wine without worrying about if they are drinking too much, they eat their pastries without the concern for calories, and they show affection without thinking about what people think.  Perhaps if I began to live my life like I am the inner Parisian woman that I see myself as I will learn how to let go and embrace these various possibilities.  I have no idea what the future holds with me and “Pierre” and I am not thinking about it either.  I am just going to live and enjoy myself as if I were in Paris.  Laissez bon temps rollez!  Au Reviour!

 

 

 

Monique K.Bradley

 

 

I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+        

40 Shades of Grey

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Looking in Mirror

I remember the first few months of my divorce; I would look at myself in the mirror and feel like there was a huge weight on my shoulders. I would also look at myself and feel like I was a different person.

I remember the first few months of my divorce; I would look at myself in the mirror and feel like there was a huge weight on my shoulders.  I would also look at myself and feel like I was a different person.  I still looked like myself but I felt like I was wounded and I didn’t know how to heel the injury.  Fast forward to present day.  I have really been focusing on my friendships and my family.  I went out with one of my close girlfriends last weekend.  She is 42 and newly engaged.  We have been close friends for the last 10 years.  We have gone through the ups and downs of dating and as her close friend it is so great to see her excitement during this time of her life.  As we sat down having cocktails overlooking the ocean at the Loew’s Hotel in Santa Monica she was reminiscing over the last decade.

Girlfriend:  I tell you, life is so interesting.  You really have to enjoy your life and live in the moment. 

Me:  That has been a recurring theme lately.

Girlfriend:  Trust me, I understand.  I met my honey later in life.  But if I had met him before I did neither one of us would have been ready.  You see, the 20’s are for making the mistakes.  The 30’s are for learning the lessons, and once you reach your 40’s you hit your stride.  You’ve made the mistakes and learned the lessons.  And you are at a point in your life where you say fuck it!  I am who I am and it’s okay.

Ironically, this wasn’t the first time I had heard that saying.  But perhaps it was the first time I was really paying attention to what she was saying.  The very next day, I met up with another group of my girlfriends who happened to be in their early 40’s as well.  We were celebrating my girlfriend’s 40th birthday.  It was a beautiful day in Malibu.  We sat outside at Gladstone’s eating Oysters and having some wine.   We were all sharing our dating horror stories and just bonding.  All of us at the table had gone through a divorce or some type of heartache at one point in our lives and had made it to the other side.

Me:  What are some of the lessons you learned in your 30’s?

Girlfriend:  Let me tell you something.  You are young.  You cannot settle!  Lots of times we settle and we put up with a lot of shit that we shouldn’t.  If something doesn’t seem right, keep it moving!

Me:  How do I know if I am not being reasonable?  In the past I have been accused of not giving guys a chance.

Girlfriend:  Oh please, if it’s not right it’s not right.  You know when shit doesn’t feel right.  You can’t force stuff.  I’m not telling you to be a raging bitch.  But I don’t want you to be in something just because you don’t want to be alone.  I don’t want you to put up with crap just because you think you can’t get better or you’re getting “old.”  Chile’ please. 

There seems to be a certain stride that women hit once they turn 40.  I noticed it in a lot of my friends.  First of all, they all look beautiful.  There is an inner and outer beauty that radiates from within.  There is a certain amount of confidence I notice in women in their 40’s as well.  When I was going through my divorce my mother once told me, “You have earned your battle stripes.”  I realized those times when I was looking at myself in the mirror I WAS looking at a different person.  I no longer lived in this fantasy world.  I had gone through the trenches of a bitter breakup and I made it.  I realized I was becoming a true grown ass woman.  You see, in my 20’s I saw things as either black or white.  There was no in between.  I was going to be married by the time I reached 30, it would last forever, I would have my 2.5 children, and a house with a white picket fence.  By the time I reached my 30’s and was in a bad marriage, I still saw things as black and white, I was determined to make things work in spite of the fact I knew deep in my soul I was with the wrong person.  I was willing to shrink who I was to fit into his small world in order to make him happy.  But by the time I was going through the divorce that is when my black and white world was suddenly turning gray.  And that’s when I realized as a 35 year old women I am in the midst of becoming the woman I was supposed to be.  Without the experience I had I would have still been living in my black and white fantasy world.

I don’t think it is a coincidence that I have a lot of my close girlfriends who are in their 40’s.   They are like big sisters to me and there is such a love that we share.  And there is also authenticity.  We don’t bullshit around; we say it like we mean it.  Although I have sometime before I hit my 40’s (I ain’t trying to rush shit).  I realized I was finally hitting my stride.  I was in the middle of learning those lessons.  I had already made the big mistakes and now was my time to learn from them.  It’s amazing what happens when you decide to focus on you and not finding a relationship.  I am hyper aware of a lot of things around me.  I yearn for those perils of wisdom.  I can’t lie, in the last few months I had those moments of feeling like, I’m getting older.  If I don’t meet someone by the time I hit 40 the pickings are going to get slimmer.  I live in LA; men will think I am too old.  I want to have children one day.  I need to hurry up and find someone before I hit 40!

 

cupcakebirthday

I don’t think it is a coincidence that I have a lot of my close girlfriends who are in their 40’s. They are like big sisters to me and there is such a love that we share. And there is also authenticity. We don’t bullshit around; we say it like we mean it.

That’s why it is important to surround yourself around positive people who have some damn sense!  I was already beginning to do exactly what I was doing in my late 20’s and look where that got me.  Now at 35 I had learned the lesson.  When you let fear and worry dictate your actions you end up making major mistakes.  I am finally learning to enjoy my “grey” time.  Life isn’t just black and white.  When you mix the two colors together you become a fully authentic woman.  When you earn your battle strips you learn what roads lead you to another war.  When you begin to embrace who you are at any age life becomes worth living it to the fullest.
 
Monique K.Bradley

 

 

I can be found on: Facebook | Twitter | Google+