WTF? Perplexed and Confused…



It is rare that I am left speechless.  I have been dating since I was 14 years old and I have had my share of good and bad dates.  I have also had my share of moments when a man says or does something that is completely inappropriate and out of line.  But I have never experienced being at a total loss of words where I am left dazed and confused.  Last night was my first time having a dating moment where I simply scratched my head and said, “What the fuck?”  I ended up hanging out with a guy who I went out with a few months back.  He and I both have extensive travel schedules.  He is out of the country half of the time and I am in NYC the other half.  This guy is what I would call dreamy.  I know it sounds corny but when he looks me in my eyes I feel like he is piercing straight into my soul.  He has extreme sex appeal.  Between his deep voice, piercing eyes, full soft lips, 6’3 height, and nice build I literally become a giggling school girl when I am around him.  The first time we went out we met up at Whisper’s Lounge at The Grove.  And we connected.  He’s from the east coast.  You know I have my theory about East Coast transplants.  I am drawn to them because they typically have way more swag, maturity, and class than these west coast men.  During our first date the conversation was endless.  When he told me he wanted to get married and have children before he was 40, I must admit, I instantly went into day-dream mode picturing our wedding and how beautiful our kids would look.  I hadn’t allowed myself to day-dream like that since my divorce.  It was refreshing but at the same time it was scary.  Of course, because Murphy’s Law is just not on my side, he headed off to Europe for 3 weeks for work.  However, I expected to get a phone call from him when he returned asking me out on a second date… And that didn’t happen.  I wanted to file him into the Asshole category.  But I didn’t right away.  Because I admit it, I’m a sucker for a fine ass man!  And before you ask… no I didn’t call him either.  Because I’m not a sucker!   However, I ran into him a few months later at various parties, we did the typical Hello and hug and kept it moving.  When he didn’t call me back after the run ins it became clear he wasn’t feeling me.  And the for sure sign was when I ran into him at an event and he happened to be out on a date with your typical LA video girl.  You know, the girl with a bad weave hanging down her back, cheap clothing, wannabe designer purse, red bottoms, and an ass that a man could put a soda bottle (not can) on.  Which made me laugh because that is the antithesis of me.  No I’m not Au Natural like India Arie.  But a video girl I am not!  I thought, okay, I guess he’s just not that into me.  As fate would have it, I ran into him at a party the other night.  We did a little bit of flirting and you know I have a smart ass mouth and commented on his taste in women, which he laughed at.  When the event ended he asked me out to grab a drink at the Besos in Hollywood (Eva Longoria’s former restaurant).  Of course I said yes.  Not only was he looking even better than I had remembered but he had the nerve to be wearing a tailored custom suit.  And he wore it well.  Good Lawd, I think God took more time in creating him!  And I must say, we looked good together, damn good.  My dad always told me when two tall attractive people walk into a room you make a statement and draw attention to you.  My dad is 6’5 so he would know.  We got to Besos, as soon as we walk in a former contestant on America’s Next Top Model runs up to him and hugs him in her drunken giddiness.  She was polite and introduced herself to me.  I smiled.  After all, he’s not my man.  And even if he was, the dumbest thing a woman can do is let on to another woman that she is insecure.  Then we walked to the bar and another actress walked up to him and gave him a hug.  I’m not sure if it is the Leo in me, but I have always liked being out with a man who other women fawn over.  Perhaps it’s the feeling of justification that I’m the one out with him and you’re the one fawning.  However ,when a man knows almost every woman in a room and well might I add, you start to wonder if perhaps he’s a player.  At the same time, when a man reaches a certain point in life he puts his player cards on the shelf and becomes a man ready for the right woman (we should hope).  So I could not get mad if other women know him from his player days and come up to him as long as he’s not disrespecting me.  We had a few drinks, and of course, being out with him is like being out with someone I have known for years.  I can be myself and he can be himself.  It’s a win-win situation.  On our way back to our cars the conversation went something like this.

McDreamy:  I really like you.  I have so much fun with you.  I liked you from our first date but I know you could tell I was holding back.  And I’m sure you wondered why I didn’t call you back.

Me:  Yeah.  You’re right.  I could tell you were definitely holding back.  But after seeing you with the video girl I just assumed that was your stillo… (we both laugh)

McDreamy:  No that’s not my type. I wouldn’t settle down with a woman like that.  You know, I travel a lot and I have a very active lifestyle.

Me:  Uh-huh.. So do I.  I think that’s the great thing about dating someone who travels a lot too.

McDreamy: I’m not one that can just be with one woman.  A lot of the women I have dated in the past have been….. bi-sexual…

Me:  (I blink twice as I try to figure out if I have had too many drinks or if I heard him correctly)  Um… okay.  Interesting.  Well, obviously I’m not and don’t plan on becoming one…. No judgment.

McDreamy:  I know.  I just think that I am a very sexual person and I’m not conventional when it comes to sex.  I like the swinger lifestyle.    

Me:  Uh… The swinger lifestyle?????

McDreamy:  I know I have had a lot of drinks and I don’t know why I am telling you this.  I guess I just feel really comfortable with you and I really like you.  You’re the type of woman I could see myself with and I am conflicted because I have this other side to me.

Me:  I really respect the fact that you are so honest and upfront with me.  But let me be very clear.  I am not interested in being with someone who cannot be with just one woman.  And I am not by any means bi-sexual or plan on experimenting with becoming bi-sexual.  In terms of sex, it can be great when you’re with the right person.  I’m not a nun, but I draw the line at some things.  So I hope I am very clear to you in terms of my expectations and what I am looking for. 

McDreamy:  I understand and I just don’t know if I’m ready.  I like you and I’m attracted to you, but I just feel like you should know that about me.

Me:  Thanks for being honest. 

McDreamy:  I am confused because I really like you and I have liked you since the first time we went out but I am worried that my lifestyle would ruin things and I don’t want to mess that up.

Me:  Then we should keep things as is.  See you around.

Man and Two Women in Bed Together

I got in my car drove off and I was left wondering, what in the hell just happened?  What in the hell was he telling me, that he is used to dating some freak?  More importantly if he’s into the swinger lifestyle is it crazy for me to assume he’s also bi-sexual?  Can a man who is used to dating women who do all kinds of unconventional sexual shit (no judgment) settle down with a regular woman?  I ain’t a prude in the bedroom either.  But certain things are a non negotiable. When a man tells you who is you have to believe him.  This got me to thinking   And I hate to sound like I am 15 years old.  How many other men are into extremely kinky sex and just not honest enough to be upfront about it.  This man could have pulled my chain and had me dating him for a few months, fall in love, and then tell me.  I honestly respected him being as upfront as he was.  But at the same time, I am disappointed that McDreamy ended up being a McFreaky! Damn, another one bites the dust.    Hmmm…



Monique K.Bradley



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